Joe's Film Crawl, 7.9.05

Today was one of those days when I needed to just escape the world for awhile.

So after some preliminary research, I planned a nice little film crawl for myself. Starting at 2 this afternoon, I saw: "March of the Penguins," "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," and "Howl's Moving Castle."

Of course, I couldn't let a day like this happen without bringing my loyal readership along for the ride, retro-actively speaking. Here's my rundown of the day:

First, it almost didn't start on time... I was on the 2 downtown, which was running at an agonizingly snailish pace. I decided to break Joe-NYC protocol and take a cab (I know, I know...but I had put some thought into this day and didn't want it to get screwed up by something as stupid as a slow train). I got in around 60th Street at told the driver to take the fastest way to Houston and Mercer. Apparently he took this to mean "drive directly through Times Square." Maybe I looked like a tourist and he thought he could hornswaggle me. Not today, dude! In his defense, he did actually get me to the theater in good time after that...

I walked in and grabbed a seat, and the screen was blank. About 20 seconds after I sat, the first commercial began. They had waited for me. That was nice of them.


2:00PM, Angelika Film Center



This National Geographic doc explores the Emperor Penguin's species-wide annual trek across miles of Antarctic deep-freeze for their ritualistic mating. The imagery is astounding from the first to the last frame, and at times I had to remind myself I wasn't watching a Pixar film, that these images were actually true-to-life. Thanks to glossy, bordering-on-manipulative editing, National Geographic's trademark schmaltz, and Morgan Freeman's grandfatherly storytelling, "Penguins" comes barreling across as more narrative than informational, devolving into sugar for the last few scenes. Still, it's a story worth telling, especially when the familial drama between the penguins strangely parallels human relationships.

A note about the trailers preceeding this film: out of the five trailers shown, only one fo them seemed at home before this movie, a Werner Herzog documentary called "Grizzly Man." The other four all seemed not just out of place, but downright inappropriate to the audience: "The Warrior," a drama about a Middle-Eastern assassin who must evade his own hunters; "Secuestro Express," a sex-laden shoot-em-up wrought with fast cars and fast women, sort of a Spanish "The Fast and the Furious"; "Broken Flowers," a dour Jim Jarmusch film with Bill Murray as an aging lothario retracing old relationships to track down his newly discovered 20-year-old son; and "Tony Takitani," a Japanese relationship drama (this trailer had no audio for some reason). These four films, trailering before a saccharine nature show that, at least today, drew an audience of mostly the elderly and parents with their 12-year-olds? I found it a little odd.

Afterward, I stepped outside into a downpour, so I braved it and jogged, soaking, to the next theater...


4:30PM, Loews 19th St. East



I didn't expect to like this one as much as I did. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie both coast on their chemistry (individual and collective), but both play funny, genuinely likeable characters. They bring a humanity to the role of "hired assassin" that is usually relegated to stereotype. Their introduction as a relationally-challenged married couple shortly gives way to the real fireworks of them attempting to kill each other, which naturally segues into passionate, relationship-saving sex. Style definitely edges out substance, but "Smith" still maintains a simplicity and charm throughout, especially in the marriage counseling scenes, which play out like director Doug Liman has been studying Soderbergh's handbook.

Swung down to St. Marks for a slice of pizza, then went onto...


7:30PM, CC Village East



Until very recently, I had never read any of the Hitchhiker series. My only exposure to it was in middle school, through some of my fellow enrichment geeks who all had "Don't Panic" written on their TrapperKeepers. Reading it at age 26, I enjoyed it, but thought the cleverness and imagination behind it got sandbagged by author Douglas Adams' flouting of his own cleverness and imagination. This cheeky self-awareness made the jump to the screen, too, but it seems just slightly less distracting. Performances are competent but not remarkable, with the exception of Mos Def as a stranded alien posing as an earthling. The story's coherence unravels about halfway through, and by that point it's not very easy to follow what's happening, or care deeply. Overall likeability and nerdy comedic tone keep it at least generally entertaining to the end, but the overt promise of a sequel isn't exactly enthralling.

Then onto the final show, popcorn in hand...


9:30PM, Loews 19th St. East



This is Hayao Miyazaki's latest, dubbed into English with well-known American actors. Christian Bale voices Howl, a mysterious young wizard who lives in the eponymous dwelling. Howl's struggles against a domineering wizard waging war on his city bring him into contact with Sofi, a shy hatmaker voiced by Emily Mortimer. Billy Crystal mails it in as Calcifer, a fire demon in the service of Howl, who provides him warmth for daily needs and acts as the propulsion for his castle. After a witch's curse turns Sofi into an old woman, she seeks refuge with Howl and volunteers herself as his cleaning lady. From that point, the story itself loses coherence and relevance, but they're replaced by psychedelic visuals and "Alice In Wonderland"-esque bizarreness. Taken as visual art, "Castle" is gorgeous, but two hours of it, built on an ostensibly rich but disjointed story, was a bit much for me to take.

After stepping outside and stretching my legs, I took a long busride home. The 102.


Here's a few superlatives from the crawl:

Favorite Film of the Day: "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"

Favorite Character of the Day: The Scarecrow, "Howl's Moving Castle"



This guy cracked me up. He's just a scarecrow on a single wooden stick, with a turnip for a head and that constant shit-eating grin. But every time something terrible happens to Howl or Sofi, he bounds in like a pogo stick and helps them dig out from the rubble. I was disappointed when his true identity was revealed; I think in a movie like this, they could have gotten away with just a strange, anthropomorphic scarecrow whose oddities are never clarified.

Favorite Line of the Day:

"Even though you're my least favorite vegetable, it's a pleasure meeting you, Turnip Head." ~Grandma Sofi, "Howl's Moving Castle."

Why do I get the feeling I'm going to call someone "Turnip Head" this week?

Trailer From Today That Screamed "BRUTALITY!!!" The Loudest:



Yeah, that's right. A film version of "RENT." The trailer itself was vomit-inducing, I can only imagine what the film has in store. And guess who's in it!?!? My friend and yours, Taye Diggs! And yes friends, every time he appears in the trailer, HE'S GRINNING. Surprise, surprise...


That's a wrap for the inaugural "Joe's Film Crawl." This was a record-setting accomplishment; 4 is the most movies I've ever seen in theater in one day, and those four almost double the number of movies I've seen solo. Hooray for new records being set.

Gambol around the campfire, children...


*****N*T*G*****

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