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Verizon Insult Banners Archive......'d!
As you, my ever-loving fans, know, I am hit with a daily dose of cynicism from everyone's favorite cell-phone leviathan, Verizon. This happens every day at midnight via my phone. [WHY? Click here.] When I get one particularly negative or insulting, I adorn the NTG banner with it for a few days. Here is where all that delicious Verizon-brand asshole-itude is catalogued. I'll continue to update this every time I change the banner, forever.
On...and on...and on it goes...
And on...and on until death.
Enjoy it with some orange juice!
***************
The star of riches is shining on you. Unfortunately, so are the UV rays of incompetence.
Your lucky number is 3.14564253936373523424232423245367809027.
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. God, are you ever BORING.
You are a traveler by heart and a whiner by nature.
Get used to confined spaces.
A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything. Unless he's a little of anything. Or any of nothing. Or... Wait...
Giving you a penny for your thoughts would be a rip-off.
You have a yearning for perfection, which is odd considering your incredibly limited abilities.
At the rate you put people to sleep you should be an anesthesiologist.
Your smile has the power to extinguish others' gloom. Looks like your hideous buckteeth have a use after all.
You're not crazy, you're just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
For you to get an idea, it would have to be a surgical process.
Fame and fortune will never change you. You'll always be a grade-A moron.
It really is as bad as you think.
You will have the last laugh, but only because you're too dense to get the joke the first time it was told.
You are a good person -- good for making fun of.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Don't even bother with the good underwear tonight.
Your constant paranoia will soon be rewarded.
The only certainty is that nothing is certain. I think.
You have a fully-justified inferiority complex.
Everyone is ignorant, but you are their king.
Your name will become synonymous with 'spectacular failure.'
Even your therapist thinks you're hopeless.
Now is an excellent time to become a missing person.
Beauty in its various forms appeals to you. After all, opposites attract.
I'm not sure what your problem is, but I bet its hard to pronounce.
You again?
You are living proof that evolution can work in reverse.
Some guys have all the luck. You're not one of them.
The simplest answer is to act. Or in your case, to act badly and unconvincingly.
Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens, and idiocy shouts at the top of its lungs.
Is that really your face, or are you doing a handstand?
At the rate you give people headaches, you should buy stock in Tylenol.
You will be attracted to an older, more experienced person with a large bank account and a weak heart. [* this one is not so much an insult, as an eerie prediction that came true]
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains. Then again, how would YOU know?
Someone is speaking well of you. They must have you confused with somebody else.
Your smile makes everyone realize that the world is in desperate need of free dental care.
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
You will lose a battle of wits to a doorknob.
Our first and last love is self love. Try not to mess it up, Romeo.
You don't act stupid -- it's the real thing.
You will waste 10 seconds of your valuable time reading an aimless fortune.
You will stop to think and then forget to start again.
You have a heart of gold. It's your head of lead that has us concerned.
Once a year, go somewhere you've never been before. In your case, a shower.
By the time you get your act together you'll have forgotten what you're supposed to do with it.
Share your knowledge with others. It should only take you a few seconds anyhow.
Don't let your imagination wander today. It might not come back.
Even children think you're hopeless.
If you went to a mind reader, you'd get a full refund.
You have the kind of heart best kept in cold storage.
If you got lost in thought it would be unfamiliar territory.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Or to fertilize a garden.
Love is just around the corner... running away from you as quickly as its legs will carry it.
That stale smell you've been noticing all day is coming from you.
You have a mighty mind -- mighty useless.
Be calm when confronting an emergency crisis. Your little girlish screams are starting to annoy us all.
Who do you think you're fooling?
Turns out you don't suffer from low self-esteem after all. You really are that inadequate.
Just because nobody understands you does not make you and artist.
You constantly manage to find new ways of lowering people's expectations.
You are contemplative and analytical by nature. Notice how many more syllables that is than 'lazy?'
*****N*T*G*****
On...and on...and on it goes...
And on...and on until death.
Enjoy it with some orange juice!
***************
The star of riches is shining on you. Unfortunately, so are the UV rays of incompetence.
Your lucky number is 3.14564253936373523424232423245367809027.
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. God, are you ever BORING.
You are a traveler by heart and a whiner by nature.
Get used to confined spaces.
A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything. Unless he's a little of anything. Or any of nothing. Or... Wait...
Giving you a penny for your thoughts would be a rip-off.
You have a yearning for perfection, which is odd considering your incredibly limited abilities.
At the rate you put people to sleep you should be an anesthesiologist.
Your smile has the power to extinguish others' gloom. Looks like your hideous buckteeth have a use after all.
You're not crazy, you're just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
For you to get an idea, it would have to be a surgical process.
Fame and fortune will never change you. You'll always be a grade-A moron.
It really is as bad as you think.
You will have the last laugh, but only because you're too dense to get the joke the first time it was told.
You are a good person -- good for making fun of.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Don't even bother with the good underwear tonight.
Your constant paranoia will soon be rewarded.
The only certainty is that nothing is certain. I think.
You have a fully-justified inferiority complex.
Everyone is ignorant, but you are their king.
Your name will become synonymous with 'spectacular failure.'
Even your therapist thinks you're hopeless.
Now is an excellent time to become a missing person.
Beauty in its various forms appeals to you. After all, opposites attract.
I'm not sure what your problem is, but I bet its hard to pronounce.
You again?
You are living proof that evolution can work in reverse.
Some guys have all the luck. You're not one of them.
The simplest answer is to act. Or in your case, to act badly and unconvincingly.
Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens, and idiocy shouts at the top of its lungs.
Is that really your face, or are you doing a handstand?
At the rate you give people headaches, you should buy stock in Tylenol.
You will be attracted to an older, more experienced person with a large bank account and a weak heart. [* this one is not so much an insult, as an eerie prediction that came true]
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains. Then again, how would YOU know?
Someone is speaking well of you. They must have you confused with somebody else.
Your smile makes everyone realize that the world is in desperate need of free dental care.
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
You will lose a battle of wits to a doorknob.
Our first and last love is self love. Try not to mess it up, Romeo.
You don't act stupid -- it's the real thing.
You will waste 10 seconds of your valuable time reading an aimless fortune.
You will stop to think and then forget to start again.
You have a heart of gold. It's your head of lead that has us concerned.
Once a year, go somewhere you've never been before. In your case, a shower.
By the time you get your act together you'll have forgotten what you're supposed to do with it.
Share your knowledge with others. It should only take you a few seconds anyhow.
Don't let your imagination wander today. It might not come back.
Even children think you're hopeless.
If you went to a mind reader, you'd get a full refund.
You have the kind of heart best kept in cold storage.
If you got lost in thought it would be unfamiliar territory.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Or to fertilize a garden.
Love is just around the corner... running away from you as quickly as its legs will carry it.
That stale smell you've been noticing all day is coming from you.
You have a mighty mind -- mighty useless.
Be calm when confronting an emergency crisis. Your little girlish screams are starting to annoy us all.
Who do you think you're fooling?
Turns out you don't suffer from low self-esteem after all. You really are that inadequate.
Just because nobody understands you does not make you and artist.
You constantly manage to find new ways of lowering people's expectations.
You are contemplative and analytical by nature. Notice how many more syllables that is than 'lazy?'
*****N*T*G*****
posted by JMP at 11:46 AM
1 Comments:
It may be a horoscope to you, but to me, it's just another description of me wanker...
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