6.03.2005

The Daily Insult

So, I got a new phone a couple months ago. While setting it up, I was searching through some optional features, and one of the things I found was a daily "fortune." It's a free service Verizon offers...they text your phone a short quote every day at midnight, kind of like opening a fortune cookie every single day. It seemed cool at the time, so I signed up, figuring if it was lame I could just cancel it.

The first few messages started rolling in, and I was immediately struck by how negative they were, to the point of being downright insulting. After the first few, I decided it was a pretty lame service, and went online to cancel. But thanks to Verizon and their broke-ass website, which challenges ESPN.com for terrible navigability, I couldn't figure out how to cancel the service. So I just ignored the messages from then on out.

Tuesday night: I was at a friend's place when midnight struck, and I don't know why I felt compelled to actually read the message when it arrived, but I did. The message was:

"The star of riches is shining on you. Unfortunately, so are the UV rays of incompetence."

What? The UV rays of incompetence? Think about this...Did Verizon really devise a system in which they can insult their customers once a day, every day, without fail? Who comes up with things like this? Who in their right mind thought it would be good business practice to systematically insult their client-base? I told my friend the whole story, and showed her the message...She proceeded to laugh hysterically. The more I thought about it, the more the absurdity dawned on me. It's kind of a blessing that I can't figure out how to navigate their site and cancel the stupid thing, because by keeping it I can share some of these nuggets of derision with you, my faithful readers. Periodically here on Nothing Terribly Grandiose, I'll post some of the best insult fortunes I receive...The quote will be posted in the website header just beneath the NTG masthead (as demonstrated above).

Let's all bask in the warm glow of negativity Verizon has decided to shine upon its customers. Thanks, Verizon! If I ever meet James Earl Jones, I'll be sure to kick him in the balls.



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1 Comments:

Blogger JMP said...

Thanks man! I thought it was pretty funny too...I'll keep 'em coming, provided Verizon does.

6/04/2005 8:21 AM  

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