...

There Will (Most Likely) Be No Encore

2007-01-31T09:51:00.000-05:00

Faithful NTGers,

I just wanted to drop a quick line to say hey, since it's been so damn long since I did. I think we've all known this was coming, but I have to officially put NTG to rest.

I say "officially" because it has been UNofficially at rest for nigh on 6 months now. A few things led up to this, not the least of which was the untimely passing of my dear friend Pentax. So, being that the real reason I began this blog back in May of Aught-Five was to post my photographs and the stories behind them, it seems only fitting to call NTG finished.

I may continue on in the blogging tradition sometime in the future, but some of the general dust of life needs to settle first... There is just too much going on right now. I'm sure there will be another digital camera on the horizon, and maybe NTG's predecessor will rise from its ashes, but for now that remains to be seen.

Thanks to all readers, commenters, and supporters for enjoying this little jaunt through cyberspace with me. It'll be okay, my beloved NTGers...

Don't you cry tonight... I still love you, baby...

*****N*T*G*****

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Dispatch from the editorial department:

2006-10-27T19:12:00.000-04:00

Hola, faithful NTGers...

Please be double super forgiving for my absence the past few months. Life had its claws in me. Check out one of those claws here: HGTV, October 31st at 9PM, and witness the terrifying fury of...

If you survive, please drop a line and let us know if you enjoyed it!

Again, sorry about the absence, but one Absence I'm not sorry about is the latest record by THIS GUY.

Much love, and I will shout again soon...

*****N*T*G*****

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The NTG Travel Diaries!!! #5

2006-08-17T00:50:00.000-04:00

DAY 5: BONN, GERMANY

"Are we going to the Biergarten yet?"

***************

This morning was an early one...

The plan was to spend the day seeing the Rhein, and the many castles that populated its banks. We started with a stroll across the university campus near Anna's apartment.

Our transportation for the day was to be Anna's tiny Fiat. We didn't try, but I bet Fischer and I could have lifted this car off the ground if we stood at either bumper.

For much of the trip, Fischer and I had pretty defined roles in terms of documenting what we saw. He handled the video, I was the still guy. Anna hated the video camera, so Fischer took every opportunity he could to try and film her.

Even before we hit any castles, there was stuff I deemed worth snapping. This fountain, for instance.

And talk about stuff worth snapping... While we were on the highway, I caught something out of the corner of my eye on the back window of a passing car. I asked Anna to speed up and get behind the car as best she could. Here's what I saw:

Even in Germany, there are Eagles fans! That made me feel great and I knew it would be an excellent day. It felt like a little piece of home was somehow watching over me across an ocean.

Our first stop was the town of Linz, a small cobblestone grid of streets devoted mostly to small shops.

On the outside, we saw the high water marks where the Rhein had flooded before. A good many of them were several feet above our heads where we were standing, which was a scary thought.

Linz also had a great little pastry shop, which I couldn't leave without getting a chunk of Nüssecke (which literally means "nut corner").

We passed our first castle of the day, at Bad Höningen.

We didn't go inside, but we stood on the shady hill overlooking the castle grounds and sloping vineyards for awhile. A short drive from there, we found ourselves on the coast of the Mosel River, which intersects the Rhein, and it seemed like as good a place as any to abandon the car and set off walking.

We wandered through the open garden of a large church...

...before making our way to the Liebfrauenkirche, parts of which were constructed in the fifth century.

This time, we ventured briefly inside.

After more wandering, we made our way to the junction of the two rivers. Overlooking the connection point is a castle-like structure adorned with a rather badass statue of a horse and rider. The Germans... they just know how to do stuff like this and make it cool.

After Fischer's contemplative little sit there, we made our way back to the car and drove in the direction of more castles, only to get hopelessly lost. We had directions from a passerby to get us in the direction of Schloss Katz and Schloss Maus (literally "Castle Cat and Castle Maus"). Instead we wound up in this enormous open field. In the distance, we saw a tiny outhouse, but aside from that it was nothing but grass...

...and apparently to Fischer, the sound of music.

We gave up trying to find the castles and just made our way back where we came, to the coast of the Rhein near the famed Lorelei.

All throughout the day, Fischer was asking at what point we'd get to the true German Biergarten. His constant mentioning of it made our eventual arrival at one like the resolution to some epic quest. It was very low-key, much unlike the stereotypical American perception of the Biergarten. No men were dancing in Lederhosen, and sadly, no buxom German blondes with braided hair paraded enormous mugs past our table. Instead, it was almost empty and very relaxed. We sat right along the wall overlooking the Rhein and its valley. A sparse few other people sat, laughed, and drank beer. A dog ran periodically through the garden playing fetch with the people behind us.

After our beer, we made the long drive back to Anna's place and gathered our things. We were preparing to leave Germany and make what would be a ludicrously circuitous journey across Swizterland and into Italy... The final leg of our adventure...

The train was an overnighter from Bonn to Milan. It wound up leaving about 90 minutes late, which put us even later into the night. The plan was to take a double-train connection out of Milan that would put us in Florence, where we would meet Ben at the airport and travel with him to the villa where everyone else was waiting...

Things didn't exactly go according to plan...

***************

NEXT POST: The train ride and the day that followed, which was one of the longest and strangest of my life...

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...But It's Been an Interesting Couple of Months

2006-08-16T22:15:00.000-04:00

Sooo...

That "interruption" I mentioned inadvertently turned into a hiatus. I didn't do it on purpose!

My apologies to those who have been checking back, feeling like I stranded them in Germany. The NTG Travel Diaries will continue... I hear you moaning, readers, and I promise I am not bullshitting you. I do intend to finish them. I'm just not certain when.

So what, exactly, has been keeping me from posting for the past 85 days?

When I last left you, I was awaiting imminent tonsil surgery. This turned into a ludicrous non-event due a very last-minute financial snafu which amounts to me discovering that my health coverage was worth the combined contents of my colon. So here I sit, still with a pair of large tonsils just itching to come out. Sometime in the next three decades, probably. On the heels of that, I quit the job. This is also more convoluted than is worth devoting language to here.

But, suffice it to say, I have just been sort of wandering around life and the city for two months or so. I suppose it's a head-clearing measured that I need to experience once in awhile. I spent a lot of the last three years very tense, in a dark editing room. I needed to get back to the light a little bit, especially this time of year.

Also, back in the whirlwind spring, I started hanging out with a remarkable woman named Ana. And, we haven't really stopped since then. So you may hear her name pop up from time to time.

The good thing about existing in this state is that I have gotten back into taking some snaps, which was ultimately the reason I started NTG to begin with. I sort of fell off the snap-radar there for awhile, but I'm carrying my camera more these days and that can only mean one thing... Stay tuned for some NEW New Snaps! Some cosmetic changes to the site may be in the mix as well... We'll see how ambitious I feel over the next few weeks...

In the meantime, thanks for continuing to check back, faithful NTGers! Much love and respect,

~JMP

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Pardon The Interruption...

2006-05-23T14:05:00.000-04:00

Forgive me for three things...

1) Interrupting the NTG Travel Diaries - a number of people have told me recently how much they're enjoying them, so many thanks for that, my beloved NTGers!

2) Taking forever to get the NTG Travel Diaries written and posted - I take great care in pretty much everything I put up here, and it has been a busy few weeks.

3) Co-opting the name of a popular ESPN sports talk show for the purposes of my blog. My apologies to fans of Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser, for this post has nothing to do with them.

I have been sort of bogged down with the general stuff of life lately, so I wanted to check in briefly and fill you in on the recent happenings.

First off, the job... Turns out that I'll be looking for work again in a few weeks, since my company is likely to dissolve. I've been getting my edit reel together, and it's more or less finished. Now comes the arduous task of pavement-pounding to find that next stop along the road to independent wealth. However, my health coverage situation is a little tricky... I'll need to stay here for at least the month of June to make sure my benefits cover the aftermath of my upcoming surgery.

That's right, kids... JMP is going under the knife! Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you with one photo of my throat (which some of you may consider to be gross, so be warned)...

CLICK HERE if you dare...

See those two large, pinkish-red masses in the very back of my throat? Those are my ludicrously enormous tonsils. See how they basically block off my entire esophagus, making otherwise-simple things like breathing and swallowing rather difficult?

So after June 15th, they won't be there anymore. It's a tonsillectomy for JMP, and from what my doctors have told me, the recovery is none-too-pleasant. When I met with the Ear Nose & Throat specialist last week, he laughed - actually LAUGHED - when I opened my mouth. "I look at big tonsils for a living," he quipped, "and those are the real deal!" From what he tells me, tonsillectomy recovery means ten straight days of "the worst sore throat imaginable" (his words), which I'll spend hopped up on various narcotics which barely make the pain bearable. I tried to keep a sunny outlook on this during my meeting with him. "Well, hey, at least I'll be able to catch up on a lot of movies." To which he replied "even your favorite movies won't be enjoyable, going through this." Thanks, dude. But at least he's more straight-forward and direct than any other doctor I've seen in recent memory. I respect a guy that can look a patient in the eyes and say "I do not envy your situation, as far as recovery goes."

The other consolation is that Ana (by the way, I have a girlfriend again... I seem to forget mentioning this type of thing on NTG until a couple months after-the-fact) has agreed to nurse me back to health. And regardless of what the doc says, ten days of hanging with her, drinking tea and milkshakes, sinking into the couch in a pill-induced stupor, watching movie after movie after movie... that sounds fine by me. Of course, I might be singing a different tune when I'm going through it...

BUT, something else that will get me through it is The World Cup! It begins June 9th and lasts a straight month, so I'll be mixing those games in with the movies. Plus the fact that it's baseball season (which makes me happy anyway) means that I'll have those games to watch too. I've been to two games so far this season, both of them landmarks for me since they were firsts for two epic types of games: last week I got to a Yankees/Red Sox game (many thanks to Michelle, and her clients who cancelled!), and Sunday night I made my first trip to Shea this season for Mets/Yankees. The hostility at both games was outstanding, but the Subway Series game took the cake. In my section alone, I saw at least 4 people forcibly removed by security, and the tension was thick from the second I got on the 7 train to get out to Flushing.

This was my view from section 21 of the upper deck:

And can someone please tell me why Kevin Reese has a black eye in his team picture?

Okay, that's enough of my babbling about recent haps... I'm sure I'll be typing at you more regularly from my convalescent bed (or rather, couch).

Now, back to the NTG Travel Diaries!

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The NTG Travel Diaries!!! #4

2006-05-23T14:00:00.000-04:00

DAY 4: BONN, GERMANY

"So, when are we getting ice cream?"

***************

This was a decidedly more low-key day than any of the trip so far.

I suppose any good vacation has to have a mix of activity and down-time, and this morning was the down-time. We wound up sleeping until around 1, and ate a very slow, lazy German breakfast once we got stirring. The German breakfast is essentially rolls and butter (which they call BrÃ¶tchen), and we ate them with good orange juice, some Nutella, and a hard-boiled egg. I have determined that I don't really like hard-boiled eggs.

After breakfast, we didn't do much but walk around the neighborhood where Anna lives. We walked through the University square into a big open-air walking area called the FussgÃ¤ngerzone, and found a great ice cream shop. Fischer and I had been craving ice cream since we got there, and it was all we could think about for much of the day.

The ice cream in Germany is great, a little different than American or Italian ice cream. It's more creamy, and melts more easily when you eat it, and every flavor is very defined. In short, it's ludicrously good. We sat and ate our ice cream near Bonn's City Hall.

After that, we wandered aimlessly a bit, and walked past the post office we had visited the day before. I didn't mention in the last post, but we has a ridiculously long post office experience involving Dutch stamps and postcards the German postal Service deemed too large to mail. So we had to snap it for posterity.

A funny story Anna relayed to us, concerning that statue on front of the post office... The statue has stood before that building since the early 1800's, when the building was a castle (and long before it was a post office). A number of decades back, the Queen of England came to visit Bonn, and she stayed in the master bedroom of that castle, which overlooks the plaza below. When she arrived, she threw open the curtains to find herself staring directly at Beethoven's back. Apparently, whoever chose that room for her didn't realize what an insult it is to show the Queen your back. Needless to say she was a tad offended.

By then it was nearly dinnertime, so we hit a grocery store to stock up. Fischer was amazed at the variety of sausages and salamis offered in German grocery stores. That dude loves salami.

That night after dinner, we met up with a bunch of Anna's friends at an outdoor bar. Despite the cold, it was nice to sit outside and drink our two-for-one drink specials (obviously a big draw of that place). One of Anna's friends was an avid joke-teller, so he shared a few of his best with us, and asked us if we had any. I'm not much for retaining jokes, but Fischer's got a few standards, so he crossed the American/German joke-relations barrier very smoothly. After a bunch of jokes and a healthy amount of kÃ¶lsch and whiskey sours, we headed home to Anna's. The day was short and sedate, but it still managed to be exhausting.

Not too exhausting for some more beer and Fischer's card tricks in Anna's kitchen, though...

***************

NEXT POST: Our final day in Bonn, the long-awaited visit to a true German Biergarten, and CASTLES, CASTLES, CASTLES! Did I mention there were castles?

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The NTG Travel Diaries!!! #3

2006-05-15T18:00:00.000-04:00

DAY 3: AMSTERDAM/BONN, GERMANY

"Ich hab' ZU VIEL betrunk! ZU VIEL!!!"

***************

Consciousness came early again this morning...

After the biking adventure of the previous day, you would have thought that I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep, but when Fischer and I got back to the hostel, I felt like having a drink and writing a little. I went to the basement cafe at the Pig and slowly sipped a Jameson while I journaled and wrote postcards. I got down there around midnight, and hadn't paid much attention to what was going on around me, but before I knew it it was nigh on 3am, and no one else was there except for a couple making out by the television, and the bartender. I talked with him awhile, he was an Irish guy named Owen who had worked there for about 5 months. He said the bar was closed, but he gave me one of the staff beers and we drank and talked for awhile. Then I watched some TV on the cushions next to the makeout couple, who didn't seem to mind my presence. I watched a snooker game on the Amsterdam equivalent of ESPN... I knew snooker was some kind of billiards game, but I had no idea it was so complex. Those snooker masters are precise, man... I wound up getting to bed around 4:30, which is actually pretty common on a lazy weekend night at home, and that's kinda what it felt like so I just rode that vibe.

We got up around 9, since we had to return the bikes by 10 to avoid an additional day's charge. After Fischer and I returned our faithful chariots and bade them farewell, we walked around a bit and set out for some food and general sightseeing. The plan for the day was to leave early afternoon and head to Bonn, Germany to meet his friend Anna. The two of them had worked together at The Exploratorium in San Francisco, but Anna had very recently (as in, about a week before we'd possibly be in Germany) moved back to Bonn, where she had grown up. So Jon called her, and she arranged to meet us at the train station in KÃ¶ln*, about 20 minutes from Bonn.

[* - I'm going to make this note right now... Blogger does not do well with umlauts. I discovered this trying to correctly type the name of NYC chaos rapper DÃ¤lek awhile ago, and Blogger made my life a living hell. Just so you know the deal, we spent a good amount of time hanging out in KÃ¶ln, and there will inevitably be some web-gibberish in place of the Ã¶ every time around.]

On our stroll, we took in our last Amsterdam sights. Among the list of things it would probably have been cool to check out but didn't was the Film Museum:

C'est la vie. It's on the list for next time. We also passed this outlandish outfit that looked like what Elton John would wear to a garden party:

The morning was brief, and we very shortly found ourselves on the way to Centraal Station to head to Germany. But that was not before we observed this bizarre little scene...

Right across the street from us, the police were stopping a lot of bike riders and seemed to be interrogating them. We couldn't tell if they were being given tickets for something, or if the cops were just asking them questions, but it was strictly bike riders, and there were about a dozen cops there stopping them. They didn't stop every single person that went past, though, so we were wondering what the criteria for stoppage were...

It remains a mystery to this day, as our bus arrived shortly thereafter. We made our way to Centraal and got on our train to leave the land of abundant greenery and even more abundant prostitutes...

Farewell, Amsterdam...

So chalk up a visit to Holland, a country I had never experienced, in the NTG Travel Diaries. What did I learn?

Besides the "minus = plus" debacle at the Frites stand, I also learned that the Dutch, by and large, listen to horrendous music. ESPECIALLY in the coffeeshops! In nearly every coffeeshop we visited, they played this completely lifeless, boring, innocuous techno that amounted to little more than pointless background noise. Come on, Amsterdam! Give me some rock and roll! When I'm chillin' with a cup of tea in a coffeeshop, I want to hear some Zeppelin, or Guns N' Roses, or Sabbath, or SOMETHING other than the shit you guys are playing. Even the Doors Palace (remember, NOT located at 46 Singel) wasn't playing the Doors! What the fuck is that? I also have learned that I like the general vibe and layout of Amsterdam, but a return visit to Holland would be spent more wisely investigating the outlying towns, and would DEFINITELY include a bike trip to the islands along the country's northern coast. Look to the future...

***************

We arrived at the train station in KÃ¶ln, and after a ludicrous and lengthy exercise in the operation of German payphones ("Ohhh... you have to dial 0 every time... Thanks, Germany!"), we got ahold of Anna, who told us we should get back on the train and meet her in Bonn. So that we did.

Anna very kindly offered to put us up at her place, which was just fine by me. The hostel was cool, but for this leg of the trip, it was nice to be around natives rather than strictly tourists like ourselves. We dropped our stuff in her room and she gave us a tour of her apartment, a nice-sized two bedroom she shared with a friend of her boyfriend (who was off studying in a far-off land... England, I think). Plus, she baked us a cake! Good, delicious German chocolate cake.

It was still the middle of the afternoon, and gorgeous outside, so we walked around her neighborhood and she showed us some sights. Her friend Christine dropped by as well... She works as a tour guide around Bonn, and had just gotten off work, so she had some helpful visual aids to share as well as tons of historical tidbits about some of the places we saw.

Here was our first view of the Rhein*:

[* - The Americanized spelling is Rhine, but for blogging purposes I'll stick with the original German, Rhein.]

After the tour, we went back to Anna's for dinner, which she prepared for us; spaghetti with tuna, and the most delicious new beer I've had in recent memory: KÃ–LSCH!

Man, this stuff is so good. KÃ¶lsch is a type of beer, produced mostly in/around KÃ¶ln. It's light, like a pilsner, but it has a lot of body and flavor. Most importantly though, it is a SUPER-smooth beer, very easy to drink, which makes it dangerous. Deliciously dangerous.

We finished dinner and went to meet Anna's friend Jasmin (pronounced "yaz-meen") for a round of German barhopping. We waited for her train...

...which was well worth it, because when she arrived, the first thing she did after saying hi was hand me beer. I knew I was going to enjoy this country!

Here's the story on Bonn/KÃ¶ln: you can openly drink on the street, no paper bag or anything. Beer is delicious (like I said, it's mostly kÃ¶lsch) and very cheap; a large bottle at a bodega or falafel restaurant is 2 Euros, typically. So the night consisted of walking from bar to bar to bar to bar to bar to bar...... ad infinitum...... But, we couldn't just drink at the bars. No, no... Anytime we left a place, Jasmin would duck into a store and buy us more beer, for the walk to the next place. Even if that place happened to be a block away, which meant we had to pound what we had left before going into the next place.

We started out playing fussball at a place whose name eludes me... We played doubles, myself/Fischer vs. Anna/Jasmin. They trounced us, but they're German so I didn't feel too bad. Then Jasmin and I teamed up, and we were unstoppable. I hadn't realized how much fun fussball is, especially at a crowded bar in Germany where everyone is drinking kÃ¶lsch and smoking hookahs.

After that place, it was just an endless series of bars... The night became blurry very quickly...

One of the places we stopped in had the ultimate in pinball entertainment: Medieval Madness. Pinball aficionados such as Fischer and my good friends Andy Shal and Ben Hill count Medieval as their favorite game. We each played a few rounds, Fischer being the most dominant player. As much as I enjoy it, my pinball skills are little better than dismal.

After a particularly unlucky lost ball, Fischer paid his respects to Medieval...

...and we set off for the next place. On the way, we (of course) stopped for more beer, and made a shocking discovery: in Germany, they sell Jack & Coke in a can. No really, look!

Fischer and I contemplated a purchase...

...but ultimately decided against it. And then at some point, Fischer had a pair of glasses on his face. I never quite found out whose they were.

I don't know whether it was the glasses or the massive alcohol intake, but Fischer decided it would be opportune to pee in public. By the looks of it in this picture, he's miraculously standing on his own stream...

The next place we stopped in, for some reason, had a poster in the mens' room for Big Mama's Haus 2, in German of course...

I'm pretty sure the basic translation of this is, "justice is fat." I'm not kidding.

More drinking, more drinking, more drinking, more drinking......

The end of the night devolved into Jasmin trying to force-feed Jon and me more beer, and me yelling in German about how I had already had plenty. I was glad to get to use the German language in constructive ways while I was there.

Finally we started making our way back to the train station. The whole time we were out, we seemed to be walking aimlessly through this alien city, and I had absolutely no concept of how near or far the train station was. But Anna and Jasmin thankfully knew what they were doing, and they found our way there. On the way, we asked a guy to get a picture of the four of us, and I made use of Pentax's self-timer:

Eventually, we made it up to the right platform after milling around the station for a good hour, using the bathroom and getting food at a McDonalds. The fries made me miss my neighborhood Crown Fried Chicken back in Harlem. Fischer took an unplanned siesta while we waited...

After what seemed like another hour, the train arrived, and we finally rested our weary legs and tried not to fall asleep on the way back to Anna's...

Thus ended our first day in Germany. The only way I could have consumed more beer was if I bathed in it.

***************

NEXT POST: A relaxing day of lazy strolls, delicious ice cream, and of course, more kölsch!

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The NTG Travel Diaries!!! #2

2006-05-11T14:10:00.000-04:00

DAY 2: AMSTERDAM

"It's exactly like Nashville, what with all the canals, and... Dutch architecture."

***************

Waking up in a foreign country is interesting, especially if it's your first morning, you forget that you're actually there, you've been asleep for about 10 hours after being awake for about 36, and you're awoken by a combination of pigeons right outside your window and the shrill cell-phone ring of one of your hostel-mates. It went off around 8:30am, and it took me a second to get my bearings and realize that previous day had not been some bizarre figment of my imagination.

After the phone was silenced, the six of us (myself, Fischer, and the four Australian travelers who occupied the other four beds in our room at the Pig) all just laid there silently in the slowly brightening room, listening to the pigeons coo insistently, the way only pigeons can. After a minute, the one Aussie burst out "Is it having a fucking orgasm?" We all laughed, and were all officially awake at that point.

I got cleaned up, and Fischer and I grabbed a perfunctory breakfast in the basement cafe. [NOTE: File this under "Lessons Europe Has Taught Me": Nutella is delicious!] After some basic research online and in Fischer's ubiquitous travel Bible, Let's Go Europe!:

...we embarked on our activity for the day: BIKES.

One of our roommates, Gemma from Australia, was free for the day, and when she saw the opportunity to explore the city with two strapping young Yanks, how could she resist? [Actually, the friend she was traveling with was being quite boring and sleeping most of the time, so Gemma was looking for an excuse to bail anyway.] The three of us made our way to the nearest bike shop. It's remarkably easy to find a cheap bike rental in Amsterdam; we found a deal for 10 Euros a day, and it was a true 24 hours so we didn't have to return them until the next morning. This guy was asleep at the bike shop, snoring away contentedly...

I guess they don't really need a guard dog at a place like that. A few short minutes of paperwork, and we were set for the day!

Mine seemed like a pretty standard Amsterdam bike: a Gazelle, sturdy and strong, with a hand-break, pedal-break, and little "chingy" bell on the left handlebar.

I half-took these pictures as a means to remember what my bike looked like in case I forgot throughout the day and couldn't find where I parked it. There's a lot bikes around. Thankfully, I didn't need them for that purpose.

So, I've already remarked on the prevalence of bikes, but I have to say at least a couple words about convenience. Amsterdam being as condensed and crowded as it is, the choice to get from point A to B is basically 15 minutes on a bike, an hour on a bus/tram, or two hours in a car. Consequently, bikes are the way to go, and after only a day I'm convinced they're the best possible way to experience the city. I suppose the best means of understanding chaos is to become a part of the chaos yourself.

Beginning near the shop, we started riding around some of the side streets, getting used to how the bikes handled and discovering the free open urinals Amsterdam has so kindly provided its residents and visitors:

Yep. Just a hole in the ground surrounded by a spiral of thin green metal. You can't get more convenient than that...

Speaking of convenience, this is another handy little thing we discovered... Just about every residential building has a large hook protruding from an abutment on the roof.

The use for this? Given that their staircases are so narrow, moving furniture up and down them is nearly impossible, so every building is fitted with a hook on a long winch of cable. Movers attach the furniture to the hook with ropes, and pull it up the front of the building, and others pull it through the large open windows. Those Dutch... They're a clever bunch...

A big draw to Amsterdam for flower enthusiasts is the Dutch tulips. This whole block was taken up by various flower shops and booths, many of them displaying gorgeous arrays of tulips:

Many places also had bags of tulips bulbs for planting, including ghostly black tulips, which I had never seen before. But they do exist, so much so that a post-WWII plan by the Dutch government to oust any remaining Germans from Amsterdam was called "Operation Black Tulip." The official name for the flower is "Queen of Night" (although for some reason I wound up not snapping any, so you'll have to take my word that they're real).

I also really liked this array of cacti, which I like to call "Wile E. Coyote's Nightmare":

And they also had some seeds for other plants for sale there too...

The bikes allowed us to cover a lot of ground, so we wound up seeing a number of various sights around the whole city. After the flower shops, we made our way to a zoo, but didn't feel like paying the 16 Euro entry fee. After that, we found a cool botanical garden, but again opted to not go in. Fischer's travel guide directed us to this brewery...

...which was closed. And it's too bad, too... I was looking forward to trying a Paasij.

Fairly close to the brewery, we happened upon this monstrous monolithic structure...

It is known only as NEMO, and its purpose for existence was unclear to us. No doubt it is some kind of museum, but again we opted to not go in. Instead, we trudged up the dakplein (or roof, to Dutch people) for some spectacularly gray views of the city.

[* - NOTE: I have no Idea who Wim T. Schippers is, but he's got a cool dakplein.]

In tandem with the views, the highlight of the roof was the panoramic display seen here...

The board shows a wide view of the entire field of vision just beyond it, pointing out every building, structure, or general object of interest, with information on the designer, when it was constructed, and some other basic facts. It made me wish something like this existed at a lot of vista points around the world... But then again I'm a nerd for this kind of stuff. The display also inspired me to bust out Pentax's video capabilities. Here I am filming Fischer, who's filming me, and a bit of our philosophical diatribe... Pay attention for a brief cameo by Gemma and a group of Dutch school children...

VIDEO: "It's a lot like Nashville, wouldn't you say?"

All that dakplein climbing made us hungry, so we made our way to Centraal Station (again, not a typo) and had some Frites. It was here that I learned the aforementioned lesson about "minus" meaning "plus." While I sat and pondered this mathematical quandary, a bird landed right on the back of my bike and just waited for me to snap him.

Interestingly enough, the birds here actually sing in a different language than American birds. I know I sound crazy, but it's true. And don't even get me started on German birds... They sing in techno samples.

Next, we wandered around the Amsterdam Sex Museum, where I surprisingly took no pictures. Can you believe that? I mean, it was just what you'd expect the Amsterdam Sex Museum to be like... very sanitized, not seedy in the least and yet unabashed in showing what they're showing, and crammed with tourists. Pictures just seemed like an afterthought there... It was a lot like Amsterdam on the whole, being trapped in some living cartoon.

As the afternoon wound down, we sat and wrote postcards over a cup of tea in a coffeeshop, and then Gemma had to get back to the hostel to prepare for her flight to London that night. The three of us rode back and said our goodbyes, and then Fischer and I set back out to make use of the remaining daylight for bike-riding. We didn't have a path or goal in mind at first, we just rode around aimlessly, enjoying the air and the act of riding bikes. Truthfully, it made me feel like a kid again. This was the single best and most fun street we rode down:

[* - NOTE: Did you spot Fischer's favorite sign?]

Once we swung our bikes to a halt at the end, Fischer asked "Wanna ride up and back again?" Hell yes!

The light had all but drained from the sky, so we hitched the bikes to a bridge, grabbed some falafel for dinner, and then made our way into the famed Red Light District. Honestly, we got there a little early, and there weren't many people around yet, so it didn't live up to my expectations. Thankfully, we took some time to relax and watch soccer in a bar, have a few beers and talk about the day and life in general. By around 11, the streets were livelier, and the neighborhood seemed more like it deserved the reputation it garnered.

It really is like some bizarre extension of Disney Land. The District is very clean and well-kept, and of course packed with tourists. There are dozens of theaters offering live sex shows, each with a barker outside touting his show as the hottest and best value for your money. Lining every street are tiny apartment-fronts with large glass doors, each adorned with a red neon light. Behind each window is a woman dressed in lingerie or a bathing suit, and they simply stand there. If you make eye contact, they might wave, or tap the glass, or beckon you to come to their door. It is completely effortless to have sex there if you agree to the price, and yet the whole time I walked through the streets, "It's A Small World After All" could have been playing in the background. In short, it was just plain strange. And out of respect for the ladies of the night, I took no pictures (most windows have a small "No Foto" decal on them anyway).

But if you really must see what it looks like, do a Google Image search for "Amsterdam Red Light District."

HERE, I even did it for you.

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NEXT POST: We depart Amsterdam for Bonn, Germany: The land of castles, Huey Lewis, and my new favorite German beer!

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The NTG Travel Diaries!!! #1

2006-05-05T18:00:00.000-04:00

DAY 1: AMSTERDAM

"So, Ben just gave us the entirely wrong address, and we're all in Amsterdam without any way to contact each other. Nice."

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I got off my plane into Amsterdam's Schippol airport, after 7 or so hours of being wedged into a seat that would have been hard-pressed to fit a seven year old kid. It was around 11am their time, but the travel and lack of sleep rendered any sense of time irrelevant. KLM Airlines tried to pull a fast one on us on the way over, tried to make it seem like we had slept an entire night on that crowded 747... They served us dinner, then turned off the lights for about three hours, during which they played some brutally chosen American films (Prime and The Family Stone, both with Dutch subtitles), and then turned all the lights on and cheerily served us breakfast. You didn't fool anyone, KLM.

I found the baggage claim and ran directly into Fischer. It's comforting to see a familiar face in a totally foreign country, even if you're expecting to meet anyway. His bag had been delayed getting unloaded from his San Francisco flight, so we waited by the carousel and discussed where to stay.

We decided to check out a place my co-worker Jared had recommended, the Flying Pig near Vondel Park. We made our way to the Centraal* Station, and from there walked a good 20 minutes through the center of the city, getting the lay of the land and admiring their advertisements... such as this one for a new firming lotion:

As we would discover throughout our three days there, that ass was everywhere.

[* - This is not a misspelling. The Dutch language is an odd hybrid of English and German, with tons of extra vowels thrown in with seemingly reckless abandon. And everyone there speaks English anyway, so the total percentage of actual Dutch speaking I heard in three days amounted to about 3%.]

We made our way to the Pig and checked in, dropped our stuff in our room and then went to the basement to get on a computer. Ben had emailed Fischer and told him he was with Aimee at a coffee shop called Doors Palace, at 46 Singel (Street... some of their street names are just one word, while others end in Staat or Straat... yeah, the double A again...). So off we set to track them down. Amsterdam is a city built in concentric rings, separated by canals. So more or less everywhere you go, you'll see canals like this one, often with tour boats or paddleboats full of stoned tourists.

We hopped on a tram (a very common form of transport in A-dam) and got off near Singel, and started walking searching for 46. And here's what we discovered:

[* - These are from Day 2, but they're relevant to Day 1]

46 Singel was clearly not a coffeeshop; it was a private residence. With no way to get in touch with each other directly (none of us had an international cell phone), we tried to find the place by name, using a phone book. Turns out there's more than one coffeeshop based on the band The Doors (no real surprise there)... We were heading toward one at 14 Spuistraat when we saw them ambling toward us. So not only did Ben give us the wrong address entirely, but they actually left the place before we got there, so if we had come five minutes later we wouldn't have seen them at all. Excellent work, Mr. and Mrs. Hill. When we said this to Ben, he just shrugged.

Once we all laughed about it and had some fries (with Dutch mayonnaise, which sounds gross but is actually delicious), we hit a coffeeshop and relaxed for the afternoon. Amsterdam is a great aimless-wandering kind of city, which is ideal for the ever-present marijuana culture. Among the sights:

The famous Rijksmuseum:

The Heineken Brewery (someone should have checked the spelling on the side of the building, there...):

This sloping open-air park, which I think was on a University campus:

And ridiculously tiny cars:

That was an actual, operating car. I should have had someone stand next to it for scale, but it was basically about 70% of the size of your average VW Bug. I also saw this in a store window, and while it has nothing expressly to do with Amsterdam, I still wouldn't have felt right if I didn't get my picture taken with it:

Easily, the most common form of transport in A-dam, and thus a perpetual sight, is BIKES:

There are bikes EVERYWHERE in this city! They probably outnumber the cars, people, buses, and trams combined, and wherever you walk you feel like you're in a bizarre outtake from Pee Wee's Big Adventure. They constantly buzz around you at every intersection, they have their own bike traffic lights and bike lanes, sometimes set apart on their own and sometimes just designated on a normal street by a white line and a spraypainted bicycle logo. All the bikes you see are these heavy, sturdy, no-frills models of utilitarian ugliness, and absolutely NO ONE wears a helmet. Before crossing any street, you have to watch more for approaching bikes than for cars, and most of the riders signal their approach with the stereotypical little "ching-ching" bells on the handlebar. It's just a swirling mass of bicycle-based chaos walking around this city, and after awhile, I started to want to be a part of it. So did Fischer... but there will be more on that tomorrow...

I love this picture... It looks like Aimee is ascending into Bicycle Heaven:

All the bike-dodging made us hungry (yeah... it was just the bike-dodging...) so we settled in for dinner at this Turkish restaurant. They grill a mean salmon.

After dinner, Ben and Aimee headed back to the place they were staying, with a resident couple who rented out their spare room to travelers. Fischer and I retired to the Pig. On the way in, I snapped Fischer's favorite sign:

So apparently "slow down" in Dutch is "let op," and speedbumps are called "drempels." Why do I get the sense that I'll call them drempels for the rest of my life?

By the time we got in, I had been awake for something like 36 hours, so my narrow top bunk was incredibly inviting. I did manage to snap the room a couple times before drifting off into the deep oblivion of exhausted sleep. I like how they included the windmill on the wall, just in case you had forgotten you were... you know... in Holland.

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NEXT POST: Amsterdam, Day 2: Bikes, Tulips, The Sex Museum, and BIKES!!!

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Okay... I'm Back...

2006-04-29T22:09:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday night, I just walked into my apartment and dropped my bags on the couch, and now I'm going to sleep for about 37 hours. Or, about half as long as I was on planes today. Maybe it just felt that way.

The trip was phenomenal on all levels, and I've got hundreds of snaps and thousands of stories, and I plan to share them all with you in excruciating detail. But first...

JMP sleep now...

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Lessons Europe Has Taught Me So Far...

2006-04-20T13:34:00.000-04:00

That's right, this trip isn't just for fun. It's also educational!

Here's what I've been learning...

-In Amsterdam, "Minus" equals "Plus." I was standing at a falafel booth, ordering a large paper cone of fries (which they call Frites), and the nice man asked "Minus ketchup?" to which I replied "Yes." And then he proceeded to slather the whole cone in ketchup and mayonnaise. So I obviously missed something there. On that topic, I still hate ketchup, but fries with good Dutch mayonnaise are delicious!

-To make any call from a German pay phone, you have to dial zero. This took Fischer and me about a half hour to figure out, while we were attempting to call his friend who was hosting us in Germany. But it's true!

And speaking of that, here's a brief rundown of the trip so far:

We got to Amsterdam and stayed there for three days/two nights, during which we explored the city extensively. We rode nikes for an entire day, visited the famous Red Light District, and hung out in the coffeeshops. I'll, of course, expound upon all this when I get back home and have the snaps to share... After Amsterdam, we took a train to Bonn, Germany to visit Fischer's friend Anna, who has kindly opened her home to us until Friday night. The plan from there is to take a train overnight to Milan, and then another train to Pisa, where we'll pick up our rent-a-car and begin the Italy portion of the adventure.

And trust me, it has been an adventure! Lots of tales to tell already, and we've only been in Europe for four days...

Stay tuned!

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Si-i-i-i-i-i-i-ike!

2006-04-18T02:55:00.000-04:00

Turns out Europe has the internet. Who knew?!

This is, however, only a quickie update, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to type on this Amsterdam keyboard... this post is taking longer to type than it might seem.

The quick update is, we're in Amsterdam. We got in yesterday and are staying at The Flying Pig, a nice travellers hostel by Vondelpark. Or, as it might be spelled, Vondelpaaaaaark. They use a lot of a's here. It has been a blast so far, but I'll save too much detail for my exhaustive posts in the future. Just wanted to drop a quick line from here while I had the chance, and celebrate my FIRST INTERNATIONAL NTG POST!

Keep checking back, there might be other updates coming soon!

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It's Hiatus Time!!!

2006-04-15T19:07:00.000-04:00

That's right, NTGers... It's about time I got a different perspective on things for a little while.

See, I've had a lot of swirling thoughts lately. I'm perpetually bogged down with the great questions of life, like why the Flyers play the Chicken Dance song after their fourth goal during games at the Wachovia Center. I've been pondering this for nearly a month, until some light was finally shed earlier this afternoon as I watched them thoroughly trounce the hated, despised, much deservedly maligned New York Rangers. After the Flyers scored their fourth goal, the song began to play again. I commented to Zack about it, and within 30 seconds my phone rang.

"It's because they do a promotion at the Wachovia Center, where if they score four goals your ticket stub is good for a free Chik-Fil-A chicken sandwich," my sister said. She's always a fount of wisdom, answers to the hard questions.

I mean, I don't know how to feel about this. It's a marketing gimmick, which kind of sucks. But at the same time, I like chicken sandwiches... So I need to clear my head and re-assess it from different angles, view it through different lenses.

So I'm going to Europe for two weeks.

Another tough life question I'll ponder is, why would a movie studio want to change the name of the best-named film in about two decades? [Which of course is Snakes On A Plane, starring Samuel L. Jackson, and which, it is rumored, will include the line "I want these muthafuckin' snakes, off this muthafuckin' plane!" Imagine that line said by Samuel L, in FULL Samuel L mode, and tell me you're not excited! READ EXHAUSTIVELY ABOUT THE MOVIE HERE.

I'll also see my good friends Nowell and Sadie tie the proverbial "knot." The trip will culminate in a week spent on a villa between Florence and Pisa, and the week before that I'll be making my way from Amsterdam to Italy by an unsure path. We'll see...

It may happen that I pass by an internet cafe long enough to send a snap or two, but if that doesn't happen, don't feel offended! I'll be back soon with ample pictures and stories to share... Until then, stay well, stay inspired, stay Grandiose!

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New Snaps: Two Man March Edition!!! (part I of II)

2006-04-06T18:01:00.000-04:00

Alright kids...

It's taken me longer than I would have liked to get these snaps together, but there are a LOT of them. And this became a busy week rather early, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But it is bad for NTG!

So, without further ado, since I know you've all been salivating over your keyboards, a page open to NTG and your mouse suspended over the Refresh button, clicking every few seconds day and night, night and day, hoping and praying that the next click could bring you some of that New Snaps goodness to which you've become hopelessly addicted... here is the photographic rundown of the greatest annual event in the history of the human race...

The Third Annual Two Man March!!!

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The March this year began at Ben's doorstep, at approximately 10am, Sunday April 4th, 2006.

Ben began without his jacket and hat, and we turned back about three blocks into the trip so he could get them. Classic Ben.

We set off in the direction of the Williamsburg Bridge, which would carry us into Manhattan at Delancey Street. On the way, we passed this little bit of visual coincidence...

It's hard to see in the shot, but the bus stop sign says "Red Hook." And there's that red crane dangling above the building... Okay, maybe I'm the only one who picks up on stuff like that...

Also along the way, Ben decided seven hours of walking wouldn't be enough exercise for the day, so he made use of this conveniently discarded Alpine Tracker.

At the foot of the Bridge is this statue of George Washington, who, as some kind graffiti artist saw fit to remind us through his trade, couldn't lie.

Thanks, graffiti artist! Then we hit the Williamsburg...

Oy vey, indeed! There are a lot of little messages on the bridge, such as this one:

Apparently, honkies in Williamsburg can suck a dong. How about that? Here's the commemorative placard in the middle of the bridge...

...and looking back toward Brooklyn...

...and at long last, we left the palatial beauty of Brooklyn for the utter chaos of downtown Manhattan.

That picture just seems fitting... Manhattan welcomes you with traffic and urban craziness. Jesus, on the other hand, welcomes you with open arms.

Ben and I couldn't really figure out what was going on here. Are they dressing Jesus? Does this picture represent when He arose from the dead? And why is he smiling like the Buddy Christ statue from Dogma? While we pondered these questions, we passed the Bowery Ballroom.

I love documenting these posters...

...because they serve as a sort of time capsule of what music played at the Bowery (not to mention Mercury Lounge and Webster Hall) in April of 2006. Thirty years from now, it could be invaluable to know that on April 12, 2006, Supersystem and Say Hi To Your Mom opened for Mates of State! It could!

We then made our way, via Spring Street, to Broadway for the "Main Event."

This avenue runs the entire length of Manhattan (save for a negligible distance into Battery Park), and this would be our primary route all the way up the island. From year to year, it's interesting to see what changes have happened along the route... For instance, this place didn't exist last year:

Also last year, this lady was not fixing mannequins in this store window:

My, how the times change. Sunrise, sunset... And yet, as much as things change, some things don't. Grace Church has stood on Broadway (at 10th Street) since its consecration in 1846.

In the window of a Halloween shop, this caught my eye...

It's one of those holographic pictures that changes depending on the angle from which you look. Walking by, it morphs momentarily from an old-timey looking couple (a la: the painting American Gothic) to these ghouls. I guess there's a market for this type of thing...

Nearing Union Square, we passed the movie theater showing the long-awaited Beastie Boys concert film Awesome: I Fuckin' Shot That!

Ben and I actually saw this movie Saturday night, it was our Eve of the March viewing... a new tradition this year that we'll hopefully continue in coming years.

Another tradition of The March, if only because New York is New York, is walking by goofy random shit. This year, we happened upon this odd little photo shoot:

A woman, wearing some type of fur jacket, holding a little froo-froo dog, with about 20 guys taking pictures of her. Yeah, that's New York.

We must have been distracted by stupid photo shoots, because we veered away from Broadway momentarily and passed by the Museum of Sex.

Yep. A museum dedicated entirely to boning. Outstanding!

Some of the local merchants must be distracted by photo shoots and museums about boning, too...

I'd love to do a whole snap-rospective on spelling errors in New York. Including that last one. "Snap-rospective"? Who the hell do I think I am? I have a website and suddenly I'm Shakespeare?

Ben contemplated this for awhile...

...but he was broken from his spell by a man handing out flyers for a strip club.

I wonder if he knows about the museum...

By this point, we were both starving, so we took advantage of one of the many street vendors. New York pretzels are worlds better than South Philly post-Flyers-game pretzels. They're so good, in fact, that Ben spilled mustard on his sleeve.

Classic Ben. After the pretzel, we walked past Ben's least favorite place on Earth, ESPNZone.

Another entry in the Bizarre Stuff Happening on the Street in New York category...

...A guy in an apple suit, taking pictures with tourists. I almost wanted to get my picture with him, just for the sake of it. Then I got distracted by this guy:

He had to be at least 70, riding his bike through Midtown, showcasing his collection of pretty women pictures, and playing garbled music from a small boombox behind his seat. I love this city.

It was at this point that I noticed I had wandered into the background of some nice tourists' picture. So I snapped them, for good measure...

Alright, by this point we were in the lower-50's, and we couldn't believe this menu. I mean, it's New York, and it's no surprise that New York is expensive, but...

ONE DAMN EGG, for $5.55? That is outlandish!

Speaking of food, we were holding out for at least one street fair. Last year we wandered through two just along Broadway, so we figured it wouldn't be too much to ask this time around. Street fair food would have been outstanding on The March... grilled corn on the cob, sweet potato fries, $1 Thai food, and let's not forget the best lemonade known to man. Sadly, we figured wrongly, and didn't pass a single fair. I'm guessing it was too early this year... last year, The March was the second weekend of April. It's amazing to think a single week can mean the difference between street fairs and no street fairs. Ben settled for a Mister Softee instead.

This window display at Barney's was just plain bizarre:

I swear, I don't get fashion. I just don't get it, on any level. Apparently, neither does the dude who drives this:

I have to say, that rules. And there are coffee cups and other assorted trash all over the dashboard, which leads me to believe this car is still operational. I don't know why that makes me so happy, it just does.

And as usual, I had to document 100th Street.

Just because. Another tradition of The March is spending time in this cemetery at 153rd Street:

It is so peaceful in there, it's easy to get lost in thought very quickly. We sat for about 20 minutes, not really speaking, just soaking in the sunlight and contemplation beneath those trees. Ben nearly fell asleep. After our brief siesta, we paid our respects to our dear friend, Alfred Tennyson Dickens.

Yep, Charles' son. Interestingly enough, there is some dispute over whether or not he's even buried in this grave. Read more about that HERE. My guess is, he's risen from the dead and is partying it up. Uh-huh.

By this point, we were making our way into the Washington Heights area, and discovered this ad:

Good ol' Luis and Moonshadow... They are always with us, through times of tribulation and confusion.

Confusion, that is, over things like what the license plate on Hulk's car is supposed to mean...

(HLKBSTA1? What is that?)

...and how entire buildings manage to stay aloft on stilts.

We were getting very near the end, and we could absolutely taste it! But that still didn't stop us from pausing to admire yet another excellent hoopty...

...and get in touch with our inner-7-year-old-Spanish-girls.

Another few blocks, and we crossed the bridge into the city's uppermost borough, The Bronx.

Seven hours later, and there we were.

So we've come to the end of our journey... BUT, lament not, dear readers, for there is more goodness in the next post... Our Third Annual Two Man March New York City Subway Stop Rundown! Its name is just as terribly grandiose as it needs to be!

CHECK IT OUT HERE!

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New Snaps: Two Man March Edition!!! (part II of II)

2006-04-06T18:00:00.000-04:00

HAAAA!!! Back for more, eh?

This is the specific photo project of the year, our Third Annual Two Man March New York City Subway Stop Rundown! The plan was to snap every stop we passed along the route, and all in all, we passed 26 from the point we started taking (there were a couple before we hit Broadway).

As with the Starbucks series, we agreed to do some kind of different pose or framing for each one. You know... keep it interesting. Some stops have more than one shot...

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8th Street

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14th Street

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For this one, I started chasing Ben while holding the button down in repeat-shot mode...

23rd Street

23rd Street

23rd Street

23rd Street

23rd Street

23rd Street

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28th Street

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34th Street

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42nd Street

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49th Street

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7th Avenue

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57th Street

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59th Street

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66th Street

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72nd Street

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79th Street

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86th Street

[Incidentally, I'd just like to... um... say Thank You to that Ireland shirt. I normally don't believe in luck, but the Luck of the Irish has been on my side lately.]

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96th Street

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103rd Street

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Special thanks to Ben for not framing in the guy's face who I was mimicking on the ad above the stop, thus making it appear that I was simply making this dumbass face. Thanks, dude. Thanks.

110th Street

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116th Street

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125th Street

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137th Street

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145th Street

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157th Street

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Again, special thanks to Ben for catching me in mid-blink.

168th Street

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191st Street

191st Street

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Dyckman Street

Dyckman Street

[That's pronounced "dyke-man," by the way.]

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207th Street

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WELL... That was a long journey. I don't know which took longer, The March itself or reading these two blog posts! But you know me... I wouldn't be JMP if I didn't exhaustively run through all these snaps for you, my loyal NTGers. So Ben and I have another March under our collective belt. If all these snaps weren't enough for you, stay tuned... Ben had his camera with him as well, so there may be more coming down the pipeline!

But in the meantime, thanks to all who offered their support for us on this trek, in kind word, presence, and spirit. We'll catch up with you all in time for next April, and The FOURTH Annual Two Man March!

Stay Inspired...

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Put On Your Marching Shoes!

2006-03-30T12:01:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again, folks...

April is almost here, baseball season is about to peek over the horizon, and the indecision of my most hated month's weather is giving way to sun and warm air. This can mean only one thing... It's time to dust off the ol' sneakers, and get ready to March!

That's right, my beloved NTGers... Sunday April 2nd, 2006... The Third Annual Two Man March!

The tentative route for this year is to begin at the doorstep of Ben's Greenpoint chateau, cross over the Williamsburg Bridge, head across town to Broadway, and not stop walking until we hit the footbridge into the Bronx at 225th Street. Our time estimate is around 7 to 8 hours for the whole trip. And rest assured, there will be photos... Oh yes, there will be photos...

I'm just as excited this year as I was in '05, and the weather report gives us a 59 degree sunny day. Could life get much better?

HERE'S a smattering of favorite snaps from last year to whet your appetite...

Get ready... Get prepared... This is prophecy... God is with us...

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Happy Vernal Equinox!

2006-03-23T11:44:00.000-05:00

Now, I know the official equinox came on the 20th, but I've been busy.

At any rate, I figured it would be a good day to check in and update the NTG populace on my ongoing battle with March. Has this month been as cruel to me as in previous years?

In short, not really. I was dealt a shocking blow when it was revealed to me that the release date for Samurai Jack: Season III on DVD is in fact MAY 23, rather than today. But aside from that, the month has been pretty non-confrontational. The air-guitar competition was a nice, absurd and fun way to start the month, and St. Patrick's Day weekend was enjoyable on all fronts...

March has gone by pretty quickly, and there's only another week or so to go. I'm greatly anticipating what April has to offer, in the Third Annual Two Man March, and my trip to Europe. How shall I pass the remaining days of my most hated month?

One word: SUDOKU.

That, and watching my calendar for what could be one of the greatest days of summer... August 18th.

Yes...

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New Snaps 03.14.06 - Recent Concerts Edition!

2006-03-14T12:15:00.000-05:00

Well, this was my POV for a good portion of this past weekend. My exodus to the shore was therapeutic and tranquil, and besides that snap and some incredible home-cooked meals, I've got slightly sunburned legs to show for it. It wasn't really warm enough to hang out at the beach for long, and definitely too cold to swim, but I managed to sit for a few hours. It was virtually deserted, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. There's something about sitting on an empty beach that makes you feel like you own the world...

I also had some downtime to look in the archives, and I threw together these snaps from recent shows. Each show was excellent in its own right.

Enjoy... I'm gonna do a sudoku...

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Arbor Day & Tyson Meade, @ Cake Shop 2.24.06

This show was special, in that it was a birthday party for my good friend, Steve May. His longtime idol Tyson Meade (former frontman for both Defenestration and The Chainsaw Kittens, and a lifelong inspiration to Steve's artistic sensibilities) was playing his first show in some years, and the first Steve was ever able to attend. NYC favorite Arbor Day opened and backed Meade for his set, which was nothing short of a dream come true for both Steve and Arbor Day thereminist/trumpeteer/tambourinist Andy Levine. Needless to say, emotions ran rather high.

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Dalek, @ B.B. Kings 2.25.06

I've already spent enough NTG space lauding Dalek's latest record Absence, but this show was actually when I made that purchase. It continues to be an apt soundtrack for the hated month of March. The show was great, if not a tad wasted on the tepid B.B. Kings crowd.

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The World Blanket, @ The Delancey 3.4.06

You know whenever Pomranz plays a show, and I'm not on stage with him acting a damn fool, I'm in the crowd snapping relentlessly. This time around I took about a hundred, which is a modest effort on my part. His latest band, The World Blanket, blends an increasingly mature instrumentalism with the vibe of his early Fellers material. In short, it's real damn good.

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Another day, another batch of New Snaps. Still working on that sudoku... And now I'm hungry. Time to heat up some leftovers from last night...

How 'bout some rightovers, for once?

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Throw the Snacks in the Bag, and I'm Ghost Like Swayze!

2006-03-10T16:08:00.000-05:00

So I'm still not at 100%, but I'm definitely feeling much better than I have the past few days. Thanks to all you kind NTGers who called and emailed to wish me back to health!

And the great thing is, it's Friday at 4:00, I just ate a late lunch outside in Bryant Park in the first combination of sun and warm air that this city has seen in something like 4 months, and in two hours I'm getting on a bus to the Jersey shore. No, it ain't beach weather, but I'll be reveling in sea air and Mom's cooking until Sunday.

If that doesn't get me back to tip-top health, nothing will. Have a great weekend, I'll type at you all sometime soon.

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The Plague of '06

2006-03-08T00:36:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh, sickness.

Both Zack and I have felt like ripe shit since last night, which means we probably picked up whatever we got at the same place. Apparently it's been going around. It could have been at the Lolabrigada show on Saturday, or maybe at the movie theater where we saw Dave Chappelle's Block Party earlier that day.

Speaking of that, we actually saw the first 2/3 of it Friday night, but the projector froze. It was awful... the crowd was great, the energy was so positive, and the movie was outstanding... and then they killed it with a bum projector. If it wasn't for the free passes they gave us, I'd never go back to that theater. It's easily one of my least favorite in the city.

The effort of writing has already made me weak. I feel like I have a bowling ball made of mucus inside my sinuses. I left work early, came home and slept for about five hours, so now I'm wide awake for Round 2 of the Champions League, Chelsea vs. Barcelona! So there's some silver lining to feeling this awful...

Take your echinacea and don't kiss me!

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Am I Alone In Not Giving A Shit About The Oscars?

2006-03-06T13:15:00.000-05:00

Seriously, this farce of a ceremony couldn't have been any farther off my radar this year. Or for the past three years, for that matter.

I'd be hard-pressed to name 5 movies that were in the running, for ANY category. The ones that I can name, I either had no interest in seeing, or saw and didn't like, or attempted to watch and gave up after 20 minutes. And I'm not a half-assed movie watcher, so I have to take that to mean that the current crop of bloated epics wasn't worth my time anyway. There are a few that I'm sure I'll catch in retrospect, but the idea of sitting through Hollywood's 4-hour, self-congratulatory jerk-off session is akin to oral surgery.

So, here's my short list of films that actually meant shit to me this year. Cook up some popcorn, and enjoy!

***************

FILM OF THE YEAR:

Batman Begins

I've already dedicated enough space on NTG to praising this film, but it was my hands down favorite for 2005.

THE NEXT FOUR:

Kung Fu Hustle - Essentially a martial-arts-meets-Looney-Tunes mash-up (and how can I NOT love that combination?), this film is relentlessly entertaining and surprisingly tender. Stephen Chow has proven himself to be an actor/director of precise vision and sharp comic timing.

A History of Violence - The final shot of David Cronenberg's near-masterpiece - Viggo Mortensen's strained face, imploring silently of his family, "So what do we do now?" - perfectly sums up the entire film. See it. Just see it.

The Aristocrats - It's hard to imagine a single joke stretched into a feature-length documentary being this entertaining, but given the abundantly funny cast and over-the-top vulgarity, I can't recall laughing much harder at anything else all year.

Mr & Mrs. Smith - This is my guilty-pleasure pick of the year, a movie that I expected (and honestly, kind of wanted) to like much less than I did. But you can't argue with the formula: two very charismatic stars, a funny and sharp script, lots of things blowing up, and a touch of heart.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Wedding Crashers
Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Ong Bak: Thai Warrior
Sin City

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DRINK... From the Nectar of the Gods...

2006-03-03T11:22:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, metal... The music of champions...

AIR GUITAR CHAMPIONS, that is! Last night was the competition, and I have to say that considering it was my first time out of the gate, I didn't do half bad.

I got to the Knitting Factory a bit early, and the scene was, honestly, pretty disorganized and negative. It re-enforced the things I dislike about KF as a venue: the people in charge are humorless dicks, and it's always uptight. It makes it so enjoying whatever you're there for is a challenge in and of itself. It took me awhile to find someone who knew what was going on with the Competition, but when I finally did I signed in and was asked to choose an Air Guitar Name. Nervousness and the pre-show beers left me a little unsure, so I came up with The Avid Swordsman, which seemed to go over fine. I hung upstairs with a beer and my green all-access bracelet and watched the opening band, a true Metal act called Gods of Fire. They were solid, and there was no irony in the fact that they love playing metal, and do it well. Which was quite refreshing.

No one told the competitors any order, so I just wound up hanging backstage chatting with a few other people. It's funny, the air guitar community really is just that: it's a small, insular community of people, all united by the thin and somewhat surreal thread of pretending to play instruments for the entertainment of others. There were dudes there who knew each other from previous years (I actually heard the phrase "yeah, I saw you in [insert city name]" a few times backstage. There were also some elaborate costumes, which made my typical jeans and faded black t-shirt kind of boring. And one of the criteria on which we were judged was Stage Presence, I understand if I came off kind of lame. I tried to make up for it with the verisimilitude of my playing (which was another of the three judging categories, the third of which being the elusive quality of "Airness").

Out of seventeen competitors, I went up third, which was a bit earlier than I would have liked, but I got over that quickly enough once I got out there. I threw my fist up, winked at the two comely lasses in the front, and got in my rock stance. The MC (last year's New York champion, imaginatively named "Bjorn To Rock") asked what song I was doing. Heheheheh...

"...And Justice For All" by Metallica. And the crowd screamed in approval.

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED... (notice the smattering of boo's, right before I go into the thrash solo... heheheheh... What can I say, maybe it was an alienating song choice...) [JMP NOTE - I know, the link isn't functioning. I'll recompress the video file when I get to work on Monday, and repost it. Sorry for the inconvenience! And thanks for reading!]

So there it is, I played the US Air Guitar Championships. The judging was on a scale of 4.0 to 6.0 (which is apparently just like figure skating), and I scored consistent 5.0's across the board. That's fine by me, considering that one of the harsher scores given to a competitor was a scrawled drawing of a flaccid penis. Oh, those judges...

Next year, if (ok, let's not kid ourselves here... WHEN) I do this again, I'll probably choose a song that's a little better recognized, and go more for presence and less for exactness. But for now, I'm riding the wave of what fun it turned out to be. Before yesterday, could I have said I got up and air guitar-ed in front of a couple hundred screaming people?

Nope.

Thanks to US Air Guitar, the other competitors, and all who showed up and supported me... Don't stop-a-rockin'!!!

METAL... is about to rule the WO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ORLD!!!!!!

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How Much More Is It Going To Take?

2006-03-02T17:04:00.000-05:00

So, I read in AM New York on the train this morning that not only was Bush SPECIFICALLY WARNED about the threat of Hurricane Katrina breeching levees in New Orleans, but he is actually warned ON VIDEOTAPE. So there's no escape for him. None.

What is it about this guy getting warned about things, and doing nothing about them? (You know, that little thing that happened four Septembers ago? Oh, wait, he knew about that from all those planning meetings... My bad...) Between 9/11, the war in Iraq, and Hurricane Katrina, THIS ONE GUY is directly/indirectly responsible for causing/allowing the deaths of people that number in the TENS OF THOUSANDS, and not only is he not in jail for life, he's still in the most important office in our entire country!

And Clinton got impeached for getting a blow job. And THAT wasn't even on videotape!

Can someone PLEASE make some sense of this for me? I figure someone from the government is reading this anyway, maybe one of you guys can email me.

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It Happened At Midnight...

2006-03-01T11:35:00.000-05:00

I was asleep at midnight this morning, which is highly uncommon in JMP world. Karate had exhausted me, and rather than battle the fatigue and stay up til 2 like I usually do, I gave in. Ate some carrots & peanuts (a typical post-karate dinner), put on my latest CD acquisition (Absence by Dälek*) and slowly slipped from consciousness.

And while I slept, it happened. My arch-nemesis crept into being, before my sleeping eyes.

My most hated of all adversaries, who torments me every year for 31 agonizing days.

Her name... is MARCH.

I despise the month of March. I must apologize to several friends whose birthdays fall during the reign of this hideous bitch-goddess of a month... Chris, NV, and everyone else: I'm not trying to disrespect you guys, but there is so little to redeem this month in my eyes.

For one, March's weather is forever miserable. Cold, gray, overcast, depressing. The few sunny days that happen to appear in March are typically so cold that the sunlight is rendered obsolete, and when you spend 10 hours a day in a windowless room and cramped subway cars the spare moments of sun do little to boost the spirits. When it's not actually raining, so much of March seems to exist in that state of "just about to rain," with the gray skies and misty, humid air. It infuriates me to the point of casting my gaze at the heavens and screaming for March to make up her damn mind, rain or don't rain! Just get it the hell over with!

Besides being a long month, there are no major holidays in March. St. Patrick's Day falls in the middle of the month, but that's not a day off work, and my memories of last year's SPD still loom large and terrible in my memory (this was one of the most aggravating days in all of 2005... I may never go back to Hoboken, except to see shows at Maxwell's).

March is one of those months that seems to take forever, especially given that so many great things are on my horizon for April: the return of baseball; the return of spring, sunlight, longer and warmer days; a two week trip to Europe; and of course, the Third Annual Two Man March (April 2, 2006... mark your calendars! And yes, I'm aware of the irony that the word "March" pops up here again, mocking me as ever... but it's in a different context... what, should we call it "The Two Man April"?)! Given that all these things are contingent upon March's end, I'm sure she'll do her best to seem like she lasts longer than she actually does. March... how I hate her so...

So, I'm trying to ride the wave of the few good things that will definitely be happening in the next 31 days. They include: my debut air guitar performance (you're all coming, right?); the release of Samurai Jack: Season III on DVD; and at least one weekend out of the city, most likely spent at the currently deserted, and thus-tranquil, Jersey shore.

Since winter is the time when the world seems to die, and regenerate itself to new life in the spring, that's the way I'll approach March. It is the final tribulation before the new beginnings of April. March will be punctuated by some good things, but overall, I see it as a time to lay the burdens of the previous year to rest.

Only when the old has died, does the new have a chance to be born.

[* - apologies to this artist, on behalf of Blogger's inability to recognize umlauts. His name is actually spelled D-A with an umlaut-L-E-K.]

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If You're Free This Thursday...

2006-02-27T15:30:00.000-05:00

Somehow a week or so ago, the idea fell in my lap to participate in the U.S. Air Guitar Championships. I was hesitant at first, but after a few days of really pondering what the worst thing to possibly go wrong could be (get laughed at? and laugh at myself, maybe?), I'm taking the plunge. Heheheheh... It should be fun.

For those interested in coming, here's the info:

Thursday, March 2, 2006, 9:30pm
Knitting Factory
74 Leonard Street (between Broadway and Church)
$10 advance, $15 day of show

GET THERE EARLY! Chances are good it will sell out...

So there it is... I'd love to see some supporters in the crowd! And for those wondering what the song will be... I shan't reveal that secret. But rest assured, wah wah pedal and wammie bar WILL be involved!

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Woohoo! A Three Day Weekend!

2006-02-23T15:31:00.000-05:00

[Loooooooong exhalation]

What's up, my people?

I am home after a grueling week, with a day off tomorrow to make up for the shoot I did for work Sunday. My plan for the weekend? Ample sleep, above-ample Sopranos viewing (thank you, OnDemand), a trip to the MOMA (thank you, Jared Horowitz), a midnight DÃ¤lek show at B.B. Kings (thank you, Ben Hill for getting on the guest list), my friend Steve's birthday extravaganza, a Lolabrigada sketch comedy show (in which I might play the voice of God... or some announcer type guy who thinks he's God, or something like that), and much, much Karate.

In fact, that's how I kicked off this little three-day hiatus from any and all stress and responsibility: by getting the shit kicked out of me. Ahhhhhh... Big thanks to Ted Kilcommons for the side kick to the ribs, and to Dane Atkinson for the kick to the jaw! Two things to be said in both instances:

1) I should have blocked

2) It's all part of the training

Another thing lined up for the weekend is some good old-fashioned fishtank meditation. I had fallen off in my tank maintenance, and it had gotten kinda gross in there. So the other night I took a good three hours and meticulously focused on fixing that. I had forgotten how much I love those damn fish. I also broke out Pentax... Here's what he has to say...

The Tank, newly clean and alive

Dawkins, representin' as always

Neon and Chompers, in a blur

The elusive Chompers

Pentax's self portrait

And with that, let the weekend begin.

Woke up this morning... Got yourself a gun...

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2006-02-21T09:43:00.000-05:00

Ahhh... I feel better. A hell of a lot better than I did yesterday. Seems like all it took was a half-decent night's sleep*, a bacon-and-egg on everything bagel for breakfast, and the sight of Eagles cheerleaders. I was reading last night in The Great Philadelphia Fanbook (along with how the Philly fans at Franklin Field pelted Santa Claus with snowballs at a particularly dismal 1968 game... which in a way, makes me so proud to be from Philly!) that the cheerleaders used to be called "Eagl-ettes." Fascinating.

* - I think my apartment has a life and will all its own, and with everything in its power it is trying to piss me off. After this weekend (and all its self-destructiveness... what can I say, I'm a masochist, and anyway the parties were fun), plus working a shoot on Sunday afternoon, all I wanted was a good night of sleep. I would have been in a much better mood yesterday had I gotten one. But my radiator decided to start rattling and banging, VERY loudly, around 1:30 and not stop until around 5. How nice of her (yes, the radiator is female... I daresay the whole apartment is female, which would explain why it's aiming to piss me off for no reason whatsoever). So yesterday when I got home, the radiator was silent, and I was happy. I flipped on the hall light, and got no response. Same with my bedroom. Then I noticed the fishtank filter was not running, no light was on. Turns out half of the apartment had no power. I called the super, got no response, and still did not have power this morning. Something is odd with the wiring, because ONE outlet in my room actually works, so I have everything plugged into that. And I checked every fuse, they're all fine.

So I'm at a loss, but I'm just glad I feel better. Yesterday was one of those "I hate life" kind of days, where you don't want to be alone, but you can't stand to be around other people. But hey, it's Tuesday, and I have Karate tonight.

And the Eagles cheerleaders are amassing in the East.

All is right with the world.

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Remind Me...

2006-02-20T12:56:00.000-05:00

...to never drink again. Uggghhhhh...

This is the most hung over I've been on a Monday in recent months, and let me tell ya, it ain't fun. And here I am at work, digitizing hour after hour of exercise footage (don't ask). On a national holiday. If NTG had a mood indicator (a la FREEDARKO.COM), it would read: JMP's mood is currently: TOXICALLY NEGATIVE.

Someone want to whip up a little cartoon to go with that and email it to me? I'd gladly appreciate it... Sorry to bring you all down with me. I'll write more tomorrow when I'm feeling a bit better.

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New Snaps 02.15.06

2006-02-15T14:25:00.000-05:00

Back up in ya ass with the resurrection! Of New Snaps, that is...

Here I sit with my tea, doing some extremely mundane AfterEffects renders. Add to render queue, fix the settings, render for 15 minutes or so, slide the work area down about a minute, and repeat. For about 40 minutes of footage. Yeesh.

The benefit is that I've got ample time today, which is nice. I've begun working a daily sudoku into my morning routine, something to get the ol' brain kicking. This morning's was a Brown Belt, the first I've completed. I'm definitely getting quicker at them, and I'm most certainly becoming addicted. Sudoku is one in a long line of puzzles I'm into, but it seems like they never co-exist. I'll do a cryptogram a day for a few weeks, then switch to crosswords, then sudoku, then take a break altogether... it all kind of depends where my mind is, and right now I think I'm craving logic and reason, 'cause there isn't a whole lot of that going on right now. Shit's been sort of weird lately.

But that hasn't stopped me from Snappin'. These are from the day of my blizzard walk, although they don't look particularly snowy, so it felt fraudulent to include them in that post.

Enjoy... I'm gonna go eat an apple.

***************

The Toy Graveyard

Such a bizarre image... This backyard is in my neighborhood, somewhere around 113th Street. I don't think there's anything else to even say about it.

Wise Words

I wonder if the person who scrawled this will come back and update it with a "Cheney hunting accident" comment...

Self-Explanatory

This is one of many De La Vega creations peppering the neighborhood.

Maybe It's Just the Zeppelin...

I've always liked the way giant, faceless structures surround the pastoral beauty that is Central Park (and yes, I'm aware of the irony that that pastoral beauty was constructed by man, just like said faceless structures). It makes me think of the back cover of Led Zeppelin IV. You can always blame it on the Zeppelin...

Pennsylvania

On the arched walkway near the little stone courtyard where I sometimes do Karate, there are these dials commemorating the original 13 colonies. Here I am, representin' PA. Word.

Tree Face

I see faces everywhere... Part of me thinks they are spirits making contact with us from other ethereal plains. Again, the Zeppelin...

Elven Bridge

This bridge looks like it could cross a stream in Rivendell. I watched Fellowship of the Ring over the weekend... All part of where my head's been lately...

The Church on 117th Street

I have always liked the way this church looks at night. I took this from the fifth floor of my building.

***************

So that's that. I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day yesterday. I certainly did. Work, Karate, home. Done. I don't do much celebrating on this particular holiday. As a wise man once said: "It's a bunch of corporate BULL, man!"

Hey, we can't all be Delonte West.

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The Blizzard of '06

2006-02-15T11:33:00.000-05:00

Up until three days ago, I heard a fair amount of talk about what a mild winter we're having. Rather, were having. Seems Mother Nature decided to respond to all that talk with a 26.9 inch Valentine's Day present. And that's terrifying on more than one level.

Most people, when they hear a blizzard is coming, stock up on groceries and supplies, and plan to hole up for a day or so, stay warm and cozy. I figured Saturday afternoon was as good a time as any to walk around the park for a good couple hours, Zeppelin blaring in my ears (yep... still on the binge, although it is waning a little). It had been awhile since I had done a nomadic photo walk, and the very early stages of a blizzard seemed as good a reason as any to change that. I think I weakened my immune system, but it was worth it. I'm bound to get a cold soon anyway.

Here are a few of my favorites from the day...

***************

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I Hate To Say "I Told You So"...

2006-02-13T17:58:00.000-05:00

THIS STORY irrefutably proves two very important points, both of which have I tried to make in the past.

1) Cheney is evil (accident my ass!).

2) Republicans should not be allowed to handle guns.

That is all.

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Bud Fowler For The Hall Of Fame!

2006-02-10T13:42:00.000-05:00

My good friend Ben Hill (not to be confused with Benny Hill, of British television fame) has written an outstanding article on Bud Fowler, a professional baseball player from 1878-1904. I don't think I need to preface it anymore...

CHECK IT!

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"Standing on a Hill in a Mountain of Dreams..."

2006-02-09T16:55:00.000-05:00

So, it's official.

I'm in the midst of a Zeppelin binge. This happens every 6 to 9 months (yeah, I just made the face), and each time it seems to be sparked by a different catalyst. This time around, it was a late Christmas gift from Ben that got me going:

This is one of a series of books collectively titled 33 1/3, which chronicles a host of pivotal albums, from classic rock gems (the Stones' Exile On Main Street and the Beatles' Let It Be among them) to more modern whine-rock obelisks (like Radiohead's OK Computer). The books are written by, and from the perspective of, devoted fans of the band/album of choice, and, if the Zeppelin edition is any indicator, abound with facts, anecdotes, theories, and history of the band at the time of the album's conception.

Needless to say (at least to anyone who knows the basics of Zep), their fourth record is their most heralded, most mysterious, and most controversial release. From the band's then-unheard-of decision to strip any and all text from the album jacket, leaving a nameless tome emblazoned with four ambiguous sigils, to the accusations of devil worship and Satanic messages interlaced within the groove of the vinyl, this is a much-storied recording. Author Erik Davis likens the record to a mystical journey across, and decidedly beyond, our world.

Not that I need much more than a slight nudge to binge on my lifelong favorite band, but the book has re-ignited my interest specifically in this record. Incidentally, the "untitled" record is known by a myriad of monikers: Led Zeppelin IV, Zoso, Runes, Four Symbols, and others... but the official name of the record IS the four ancient, unpronounceable symbols. After turning the final few pages last night, I gave the album two very focused listens: first the vinyl (on a turntable stereo that once belonged to my Mom when she was 16, but now graces my own humble shoebox of this world), and then on CD. With the book's discussions of themes, motifs, recording specifications, astral worlds, "light and shade," and various mythologies and legends echoing in my head, I tried to let every second of the record engulf me.

All this fanfare stood to reinforce something I already clearly knew: I absolutely love this record, from top to bottom. But taking such a specifically academic approach to the listening has helped to open new aspects of it to me. By the swampy outro to the closing track "When The Levee Breaks," I closed my eyes and felt the sound wash and warble all around me, feeling that I was sinking, being washed away by the incoming torrential flood the song suggests, "going down." Call it power of suggestion if you will, but this book has helped me to appreciate an already-memorized record in new ways. I know every word, every note; but my listens last night were revelatory.

I'm keeping an eye out for other books in the 33 1/3 series, specifically Neil Young's Harvest, (which is tied with Zuma for my personal favorite in Neil's expansive catalog) and DJ Shadow's Endtroducing. The idea of a book like this about Shadow's landmark debut practically makes me salivate.

Like a black dog, with eyes that shine, burning red...

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Dispatch From Apex, NC

2006-02-08T17:51:00.000-05:00

My brother dropped a line from The Tobacco State, imparting the antics of my nephew Ryan... Oh how fast they grow up...

Sunrise, sunset...

***************

I've heard all the phrases, as I'm sure you have: Like father, like son; A chip off the old block; The apple doesn't fall far from the tree; Yada yada yada. Anyway, now I see how they all apply. Ryan has been practicing writing his letters, the basic stuff like his name and small words like "cat" and "dog." Well, the other day he wrote a word (unprovoked, mind you) on the Magna Doodle. Take a look...

-AJP

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New Snaps - 100th Post Edition!

2006-02-08T10:22:00.000-05:00

Yes indeedy...

It's the return of everyone's favorite NTG feature, serving to commemorate our 100th missive in this time-honoured tome known as Intercybernetterwebia...land.

As usual, I need to extemporaneously babble for a moment before we get on to the snaps... 'cause that's just what I do. Babble. Zack and I were on our way to the Super Bowl bash the other night (which was a fantastic time, and many thanks go to the inimitable Michelle Rowley for her hospitality), when we passed a parked car with a dreamcatcher hanging from the rearview mirror. Now, it's been awhile since that Native American Studies class I took sophomore year of college, and I'm by no means an encyclopedist. But I DO know that the primary purpose of a dreamcatcher is to filter a sleeper's dreams, catching the nightmares in the webbing and allowing the good dreams to pass unabated into the sleeper's consciousness.

So... I can't help but wonder if the owner of that car actually sleeps there, or just doesn't know exactly what he (or she) has hanging from the mirror. Seems a little incongruous to me. Maybe it's simply an aesthetic thing. And really, who am I to judge?

Alright, enough of my pedantic asshole-itude. Time for what we're all here for: snaps. Isn't that the reason any of us is on this planet? I just steeped a nice cup of decaf Earl Grey... It eases my mind...

***************

Good Morning, 2006

I'm naming this one the official first photo of 2006. It's my bathroom ceiling, and apparently at some point on New Years Eve/Day, I snapped it. Should auld acquaintance be forgot...

***************

Ummm...

...so apparently Chase's latest strategy to lure customers is placing giant balloon phallic symbols in their bank lobbies. I wonder how that's working out for them...

***************

Self Portrait

Isn't boredom wonderful? This is a painting I have in my room, my parents gave it to me when I was about 14. Naturally, it stemmed from my rabid infatuation. These days, I'm believing more and more that I must have been a shark in a previous life. And THIS caught my eye the other day...

***************

Monday Night Outing

During that batshit-crazy Monday night bender my co-workers and I went on, we ducked into a photo booth in one of our selected watering holes. Naturally, I pulled out Pentax and started shooting aimlessly, and this is one of the results.

[Clockwise from Top Left: Cliff, Andrea's nose and mouth, Mishel, Paula, JMP. Not pictured, as he's somewhere beneath the pile-on: Jared.]

And then on the delirious cabride home, I snapped these... They sort of paint a picture of the night as a whole.

***************

Bored Editor + New Room = SNAPS

We've been moving furniture at work, and my editing room got shifted across the office into a much larger (but sadly windowless) space, known as Room C. I like my new terminal quite a bit...

And since I've had a glut of down time, I figured I'd have some fun with Pentax's self-timer.

***************

Alright kids... when you see the fifteen asterisks, it means it's time to wrap up this burrito called life and take a bite. Thanks for making it through 100 posts, thousands of pictures, and way too much of me using forced metaphors linking life and Spanish foods. And thanks for giving me a reason to actually care about this little blog of mine. I'm thankful for every reader who stops in to check it out, so whether this is your first visit, last visit, or anywhere in between, know that you have my gratitude.

Keep it Grandiose!

Or don't... Whichever you're feeling.

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Yeesh...

2006-02-01T01:15:00.000-05:00

Man, what a week.

I got home from work today, and immediately crashed in my living room. The furthest I've strayed since then was my bedroom, back and forth a few times with intermediary stops in the kitchen and bathroom. And I predict this will continue throughout the weekend, until Sunday when I am going to my friend Michelle's Super Bowl party. Guaranteed good time, but until then I'm staying at home, chillin'. Sitting right now with a cup of peppermint tea, listening to Do Make Say Think, just got finished watching The Island. Now, I don't want to get into a whole thing about this, but given my prior ambivalence to Michael Bay's triflings, I was kind of surprised to find that I didn't hate it. And Scarlett looked like she should be illegal, as usual.

I have been thinking a lot about ninjas lately. I once heard that they used to eat mint leaves while camping in the wild. Someone told me that once... I think it was a dragon. Plus, they did, made, said, and thought things. And Japan is a cluster of four islands. See where my mind is?

So what went on this week to render me so vegetative and philosophical (not to mention, link-happy)? Well...

MONDAY

After our brief staff meeting at the end of the day, almost my entire work crew went out for our studio coordinator Paula's birthday. We hit a Chinese place that gives you free wine all throughout your meal. The inevitable catch? The wine is luke warm boxes of Diamond Lake Chablis. Shi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ty!!!!! [ed: While researching (unsuccessfully) Diamond Lake Chablis, I unwittingly discovered that you can buy caskets and urns at Costco. Does that seem creepy to anyone else?] After that we played foosball and beer pong at a place called Jake's Dilemma. Eventually we got thrown out because some idiot climbed up on the sound booth and fucked with the radio controls. I'll let you infer who that idiot was.

TUESDAY

Battling the hangover and cursing the alarm clock for existing, I went to work and worked on my spec trailer for Sin City. Thank God for tea. Look for that trailer soon on Grandiose Video!

I knew I had to rally for class that night, but what I didn't know was that a brutal 45 minute beating at the hands (and feet) of two of the higher belt students. Followed by a sound-but-educational thrashing by my sensei. That means he would kick me in the stomach, but then say "keep your elbow down!" Or punch my head and say "keep your fist up!" After that he called me up to demonstrate my three kata (24 Basic Moves, Pinan Shonan, Pinan Nidan, for those curious). When I had thrown the final high block in Nidan, my sole thought was: "Did I just become an orange belt?" Bow out, yellow belt off, orange belt on, sensei imparts some words of wisdom, bow again, people clap, and like that, I'm an orange belt. I came home and just about died, but I fell asleep smiling. We'll also let this serve as the Karate Belt Status Update post everyone's been so strongly anticipating.

[cough]

WEDNESDAY

More of the same at work. I went out to lunch, across the street to Little Italy pizza, and read most of Fahrenheit 451.

That night, I went to my friend Jackie's new place to help her hang some stuff on her walls. That "stuff" amounted to a small plastic shelf and a towel hook in her bathroom. And for just that, she bought me dumplings from a place down the street. Spicy Thai chicken and basil with spicy peanut dipping sauce, yo. With miso soup. Guess who got the nice end of that deal? I also met her new roommate, and refrained from ranting on why I absolutely fucking despise Sex and the City. I generally don't like to rant in front of people unless they know me a little better.

THURSDAY

Ohhhh, Thursday... You hideous bitch goddess of a day... Work was work, Mishel and I went out for Italian. There was a false fire alarm while we were out, so everyone stood outside the building while we ate. The Mish and I are just that good... All work stops when we leave the building. You cannot stop us.

That night was the killer. The Drug Fun Rage Ghost show. Normally, I would have a sound recording, or at the very least a photo or 178. But this show... See, here's the thing. Not a lot of people understand the Drug Fun Rage Ghost experience. We're equally awesome and terrible, and we alternate between the two constantly. We typically don't plan much of anything when we play a show, which is extremely rarely, because... here's the gag... we're not really a band! See why we're the greatest thing, ever? And why we have captured the essence of rock and roll spontaneity better than any band, ever, in the history of human hearing? And simultaneously the worst thing happening in music today? We're all that and more, everything and nothing, like life. But the booking guy didn't get that. So when we got up and did what we do, and it was one of our decidedly more... what's the word I'm looking for here... horrendous outings, he was a tad irate. He was already sick of us by that point for not having a band website, not having any songs as an example of what we sound like (did I mention we don't really have any songs at all?) and not bringing amps to the venue. Which, incidentally, was a problem we solved in five seconds by asking the sound guy if we could plug directly into the PA, and he said we could. See, Pete the Booking Guy? Relax. The answers are out there. But you're the establishment, and we're rock and roll.

FRIDAY

This was a painful, painful morning. Not only was I feeling the brunt of my prior night's association with Misters Daniel and Guinness, but three days worth of that orange belt soreness had set in powerfully. It's all part of the training.

Work was again, somewhat shockingly, the same. I'm sensing a pattern here... The morning was, however, broken up by a nice visit from Mike Pomranz, of Drug Fun Rage Ghost fame. His buddy's girlfriend heartlessly threw him out at 9am after minimal sleep and heroic alcohol consumption, so he needed a place to crash for awhile. He stopped in to the office to pick up my keys, still good and toasted, and spent some futile minutes trying to score a date with Paula. Heh heh. We also sat and watched the short film he just finished, on the life of Billy Schulz. Who is Billy Schulz? WATCH THE FILM HERE and find out. He was still at my place after I had endured the nine hour fist shake at the slower-than-death clock that was today. We talked about life. And all that.

And that's that. I'm going to bed. Don't wake me til Sunday.

*****N*T*G*****

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The Sword... The Samurai...

2006-01-28T11:51:00.000-05:00

So...

I've been watching a lot of Samurai Jack lately. Four full seasons of the show were produced and aired on Cartoon Network, but only the first two seasons have been released on DVD. I have personally not seen anything beyond Season 2, which means there are 26 episodes in existence that are brand new to me. This makes me very happy. What makes me even happier is that Season 3 will be released on March 23 of this year. Over the past few days or so, I've watched all of Season 2, which delves a bit deeper into Jack's character than Season 1, and gives a more emotional insight to his ultimate quest.

What is that quest, you ask? Well, if you've never seen the show, I'll give you the basic rundown... In fact, absolutely everything you need to know to watch, comprehend, and enjoy a Jack episode is spelled out in the opening titles narration. The voice speaking is Aku, the... well, he'll explain who he is:

Long ago in a distant land,

I, Aku, the shapeshifting master of darkness,

Unleashed an unspeakable evil...

But a foolish Samurai warrior

Wielding a magic sword

Stepped forth to oppose me.

Before the final blow was struck,

I tore open a portal in time

And flung him into the future,

Where my evil is law.

Now the fool seeks to return to the past,

And undo the future that is Aku!

So that's the overall premise. Many episodes simply chronicle Jack's wanderings through a bizarre dystopian future, and the colorful characters he encounters. He is forever beset by bounty hunters, monsters, assassins, and even demons. Aku shows up often, but not in every episode. All the same, you know that Aku is the evil force against which Jack is forever battling, and in the universe in which the story exists, all evil is simply an extension of Aku.

But all this time spent watching it has got me thinking... The way I see it, we're essentially living in Jack's universe.

Here's my thought... The Samurai were ancient Japanese warriors. What if, during their time, a dark supernatural force along the lines of Aku came into power over the world? I suppose this whole batshit theory of mine depends on your belief in the supernatural... Well, I believe there's shit out there that transcends this world, and by no means is all of it good. I guess you have to believe in time travel too, which I can see being within the realm of power of a "shape-shifting Master of Darkness" such as Aku. So based on all that, if the only Samurai who could stop him had been cast into Earth's distant future, we could currently be in some stage of our own eventual demise at the hands of Aku. There's obviously some dark, evil force at work in our own world... Maybe it's just taking a long, gradual time to destroy us and the planet. No one can argue that THAT's not happening.

Is there really a point to all this crazy rambling? Not especially. Just a lazy Saturday afternoon rant. Check out Wikipedia's Samurai Jack Episode Guide, while I stop being lazy and go run errands.

Bank, bodega, and the grocery store. Hooray America.

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The Rules

2006-01-26T09:39:00.000-05:00

"So, the 'best of Cinemax OnDemand' is Seed of Chucky and The Jacket?"

~Zack Jackson

That's right, kids, life is absurd. You never know when you're going to find yourself faced with emotional dilemmas, personal crises, and life-threatening situations. In the course of life over these past few months, the wise Mr. Jackson and I have been casually discussing some rules to live by (or "rules by which to live," for those so obsessed with grammar that they must use it properly AT ALL COSTS... i.e. myself, usually... I'm a little tired). Here are three such rules that will keep you safe in many situations.

Study them well... they could be the difference between life and death.

RULE #1: Don't touch the monkey.

This is especially true if someone in a labcoat tells you not to touch the monkey. Think about it, you see a monkey in a cage... The monkey is cute and human-like, and you feel bad for it because it's caged... What you don't realize is, the monkey is in a cage for a reason. The reason in most situations can be boiled down to a simple universal truth: if you touch the monkey, the monkey will eventually cause the downfall of the human race.

This can be avoided SO SIMPLY by obeying this one rule. Even if you're an animal activist (a cause I respect and support), you have to realize that one caged monkey is all that stands between the human race and certain destruction, most likely at the hands of flesh-devouring zombies. So don't touch the monkey! Just leave him be.

RULE #2: Get off the island!

If the medium of film has taught us nothing, it is that bad things typicaly happen on islands. Think about it... anytime you hear someone talk about going to an island, that trip is synonymous with disaster. So anytime you find yourself on an island, you must be prepared for the onslaught of serial killers, ghosts, shady government organizations, and Sean Bean. So if you happen to find yourself on an island, and you value your life, get off it!

Now, the exception to this rule is if you LIVE on an island... Manhattan is an island, which means I live with the threat of serial killers, ghosts, shady government organizations, and Sean Bean every day of my life. So I'm de-sensitized to it. However, if you're a year-round resident of a vacation island, you will undoubtedly be killed by whatever offending negativity befalls that island. Most likely right after trying to convince all the tourists that you know what is going on and being branded a crazy person. Such is life.

RULE #3: Whatever you do, DO NOT offend the Shaolin Temple.

I cannot stress this enough. There is NO situation in life wherein which it is okay to offend, insult, or desecrate the honor of the Shaolin Temple. Just don't do it. Seriously.

Bruce Lee tells Han clearly enough in Enter the Dragon: "You have offended my family, and you have offended the Shaolin Temple." And we all know what happened to Han.

So if you value your life, follow this rule! Supernaturally bad shit happens to people who offend the Shaolin Temple!

***************

I hope these rules will aid your journey through life. Live by them, and live long. Disobey them... and you seal your own fate.

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2006-01-25T15:30:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm continuing this Pic Of The Week thing through the off-season, at least thus far. Apparently, the Eagles cheerleaders went to meet Chef Joseph Poon at his Philadelphia eatery. There were only 9 pics posted on Eagles.com. A photo essay involving the Eagles cheerleaders and the word "poon," and they post only 9 pics, and THAT'S the best one? Sad. I guess I'm left to use my imagination.

Ahhhhhhh......

As for the Bowl this year, between Pittsburgh and Seattle, I am pulling for my home state of PA. I associate with them as a team much more. Plus, let's not forget my animosity toward Seattle fans, as a result of that one trip to Town Tavern...

Now, my friend Matt asked if I could include a "Pittsburgh Steelers Pic Of The Week" as a birthday favor. I am sorry to say, I can most certainly not do this. I cannot, in good conscience, bestow such an honor on any football team other than the Eagles. Apologies, Matt. I will, however, include THIS RATHER BIZARRE STORY from a Pittsburgh suburb, courtesy of Deadspin.com. Plus, I have already voiced my support for Pittsburgh on Super Sunday. I hope this shall suffice, Matt. Happy birthday, and since there's no possible way the Eagles could crash the Bowl, I shall say...

GO STEELERS!

[To Steve May: make that "GO STILLERS!"]

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Ladies and Gentlemen...

2006-01-24T20:00:00.000-05:00

Now, I know I've prattled on about this whole Grandiose Favorites of 2005 thing, but the waiting is finally over and done with. CLICK HERE to bask in the grandiosity!

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2006-01-19T09:31:00.000-05:00

Even in the off-season, people still adorn their pets with Eagles gear.

To any dog I may own in the future, at any point in my life: Rest assured, I will never subject you to the wearing of scarves, sweaters, booties, blankets, hats, or novelty clothes, whether Eagles-related or not. You are welcome.

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The Year That Was...

2006-01-16T23:51:00.000-05:00

The sixth year of the "aught" decade is come and gone (including "aught-zero," that is), and with it I have crested 27 years of life on this Earth. So what did '05 hold in the palm of its hand? Here's a rough rundown, by general area of my life...

WORK:

I began and concluded '05 as an employee of Cliff Schwarz Music Production. It was an up & down year for the company, but through it all I've learned a great deal (both technically and about "the industry"), cut 2 music videos (my first, since Spice never collaborated on that "Summary Chart" video back in '97), and a bunch of commercials that actually made air (imagine that!). Plus, I received my first-ever official screen credit... as a segment editor on "Nick At Nite's Search For The Funniest Mom In America." Yes, that was an actual show, and they're actually doing another one.

[Check out Grandiose Video for samples of my work this year.]

CREATIVE:

If '05 can be branded with a specific attribute (i.e. 2003 was a reading year, 2004 was a music year, etc), I'd say '05 was my personal creativity year.

Besides working in a creative "career," I drove myself nearly(?) batshit with a host of personal creative projects. It's a chore to keep track of the thousands of pictures I took this year (stay tuned for The Faves, coming soon!), and in May I founded NOTHING TERRIBLY GRANDIOSE, ostensibly as a means to catalogue and post my favorite snaps. I spent a lot of time playing music with two bands, the sadly dormant RJ115 and my two-man collective with Ben, which after grueling months of poring over various names we have taken to calling... uh... Ben & Joe. I had a hand in some extra-curricular video projects, one of which led me to choreograph an entire martial arts battle scene in an upcoming short, Dilated.

So, a great amount of mental energy (not to mention a great deal of sleep) was expended in making all these creative things co-exist. Yes, it's exhausting. Some of it still is.

KARATE:

And speaking of that fight scene in Dilated, what would 2005 have been without my involvement in Eng's Karate? Martial arts has become the primary inhabitant of my thoughts for much of this year, ESPECIALLY the last three months.

Over the course of the year, I have learned so much as a yellow belt*, and I'm close to advancing to orange. Last month at our class dinner, I was surprised and humbled to receive the Karate Kat of the Year Award for 2005. It's an inspiration for me to keep fighting harder and harder, win more battles and get stronger every single day. For the rest of my life.

[* - Roundhouse kick photo courtesy of Mishel Hassidim]

ROMANCE

Oy. Just thinking about my dating life this past year is exhausting. I ended the year single, like I began it, with a veritable soap opera in between. It's best to avoid too much detail, but suffice it to say the year was nicely eventful at times, and infuriatingly boring at others. Feast or famine, they say. I'm going into '06 with a clearer mind.

So, those were the areas of 2005 where life was most active. In terms of my everyday life, there were some other new elements that came into play this year. In January I fulfilled a longtime ambition by purchasing a fishtank. My fish are the first true pets I've cared for solo, and the year has been been fraught with both birth and death, joy and heartache. The current lineup features Dawkins, Neon, and Chompers. Let's pause for a moment to remember those lost in '05:

Neil. Crazy. Other Neon. That Guppy I Never Named. All of Neil's Children. The Phantom. Akers. And Dylan (pronounced, ironically enough, "die-lonn").

I satisfied another ambition in August with my first foray into camping. I spent 6 days camping and hiking, mainly at Baxter State Park in Maine. I can't even begin to describe how much I enjoyed camping, how much the experience came at exactly the right time. For the only time all year, for one glimmering moment sitting on a mountain overlooking total stillness, I heard my mind finally be quiet.

AND, the latest daily obsession: chess. After years of owning (and never using) the gorgeous, hand-crafted chess table made by my grandfather, I'm finally learning the game. Chess has hit me at the perfect time too... Not only is it mentally challenging me in a way I haven't experienced in years, I find the focus required to play is similar to that I use in Karate. They're perfect companions to occupy my every spare thought.

So, with the demise of aught-five, what does aught-six have in store for me?

I'm not a "resolution" kind of guy. They're equally too committal and too non-committal, too constricting and yet too easy to break. They're wasted on me. So I'm removing the tag (and hopefully the stigma) and rather focusing on broad areas for the year. The specifics will arise on their own, and I'll deal with them when they do.

Job-wise, I'm thinking '06 will be the year to move on from Cliff's. Things are going well overall, and some cool stuff could be on the immediate horizon (i.e. a possible company name-change, and hopefully a new batch of music videos where the songs don't suck), but I'm coming up on two years, and if I should find something else to pay the bills and appeal to me creatively... well, that could be a nice change. All the same, I'll be focusing on learning other editing platforms (namely Final Cut, which could lead to freelancing) and becoming a better editor overall.

Both Karate and chess will continue unabated. For chess, I don't have a specific goal other than to keep learning and developing as a player. I'll probably employ an increasingly academic approach (Chess For Dummies gave me a solid foundation for study... more books are sure to follow). And Karate... I'm learning to focus less on specific belt rank and more on the training itself. If I simply live and train, the belt ranks will come in their own time. My long-term goal is to be a black belt, and I wholly plan to follow through with it. No matter how long it takes. The path of the ninja is not an easy road.

Creatively speaking, Ben and I are starting the year with a bang. We're returning to the stage at Kenny's Castaways with our good friend Pomranz, under the name Drug Fun Rage Ghost. It will either be a free-for-all of wonderful cacophony, or we'll implode entirely. We should also complete Colleagues, a short video we began in the summer of '05.

And 2006 will hold at least one more camping trip.

So 2005 has come and gone. I'm a wiser man for it.

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Reinforcements!

2006-01-16T10:21:00.000-05:00

...in the war against disappearing snack foods, that is.

Not long ago, I railed against the decreasing availability of one of my favorite snacks, Peanut Butter Twix. Thankfully, I have been able to find some occasional avenues to find them, but the veritable drought at many of my former channels continues. But EXTRA-SPECIAL THANKS AND PROPS to NTG-regular Cable, who also happens to be my sister Kristen. [Sorry to blow your alias K, but props had to be given properly... no pun intended...] She sent a supply of two family-size boxes, which, incidentally took about 9 days to make the trip from Pennsylvania to New York. Didn't George Washington move armies of men from PA to NY in less than that time? WTF, USPS?

But let me tell you, I'm glad they got here in time for this weekend. It was an interesting one.

Friday night I saw Kool Keith play at B.B. Kings in Times Square. It was a personal first for both the artist and the venue for me. Ultimately, neither disappointed, but I'm still luke warm to Keith's overall showing.

Opener Slum Village came out solid. They were energetic and tight, and they came across like they were having a great time doing their show, not even missing a beat when a fight broke out on the floor. Apparently someone threw some ice, which pissed someone else off, which resulted in both punches and a table being thrown. But they just kept on rapping, didn't miss a beat.

Then there was a seemingly interminable lag before Keith and his crew of like 20 dudes finally came out. Keith's reputation for missing shows is widely known, so there was always the possibility that he would just not even show. When he finally did, he came out strong for the first half of the set. Personally, I'm a big fan of his earlier stuff, so I was glad that some classic Ultramagnetic MCs tracks were among the first songs (he actually couldn't have picked a better Top 3 from Critical Beatdown, for my money: "Break North," "Ease Back," and "Ego Trippin' (MCs Ultra Mix)"). He also dropped "Blue Flowers" (complete with re-mix!) and "Girl Let Me Touch You There" from the Dr. Octagon record, the title cuts from Black Elvis/Lost In Space and Sex Style, and launched into a pretty spirited rundown of "I Don't Believe You" before leaving the stage suddenly. One of his hype guys came out a minute later and said how "Keith isn't feeling the vibe" and all that. The crowd, overall, was pretty lame (what you'd expect from a B.B. Kings Friday night crowd), so I can understand him being pissed. But even when he was out there killing songs (like I said, he was real strong as soon as he got started), he came across as distant, aloof, and unfocused. The whole time, he wore purple wraparound shades, so the audience never even saw his eyes. Finally after some extended audience browbeating, Keith came back out and did another song or two, then did a comically extended round of audience high-fives. One of his dudes introduced Keith's mother and father, who had been hanging out at the back of the stage throughout the whole show, then there were more high-fives before they all filed offstage.

Ben chalks the whole thing up to Keith being Keith, and maybe that's the best explanation. For my first time seeing him live, I enjoyed the show but think Keith came across as being distant and kind of sad. He still does what he does better than most, but Keith's moodiness clearly showed through the music.

Saturday and Sunday were a flurry of long naps, tea, chess, movies, and avoiding the bitter cold that gripped the city. On the chess tip, I'm proud to say I played to a stalemate against my neighbor Russ. It was the first time I played him, but I knew he was a good player. It felt good to think tactically, move-for-move, against a former Marine and play to a draw.

And then Sunday was the long-awaited reunion... HAL9000 came home to 116th Street, after a month-long journey into the hibernative sleep of almost-death. After some surgery and TLC from Lord Chauncery, he's going strong again, with an even bigger hard drive. Chauncery also treated me to homemade pizza and we watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Throughout all of these events, it felt comforting to know there was a kitchen full of Peanut Butter Twix awaiting me. We rode out another storm, and I'll continue fighting the war, one battle at a time...

What else can one man do?

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New (Year's) Snaps!

2006-01-13T09:34:00.000-05:00

Here we go... the landmark first NEW SNAPS of Aught-Six!

Fitting, it arrives an entire week after I promise to get some things going here at NTG. The status update: HAL9000 is still in hibernation. My computer guru Drew (A.K.A. Lord Chauncery) did, however, inform me that the new hard drive has been installed and he's working to get it back to me ASAP, which should be this weekend. That really has been the biggest hurdle to me getting going.

But enough of all this talk... let's get to some snaps! Surprisingly, I felt little if any drive to take many pictures while I was home for the Christmas vacation, and I didn't take a single picture of my enjoyable and thankfully low-key New Year's Eve. This is in stark contrast to how NEW YEAR'S 2005 wound up, which was anything but low-key.

Yeesh. So much Guinness. And thankfully I've shaped up since then.

So, kick back with some tea & honey, and bask in what you've been missing so much... Nothing.

Terribly Grandiose, that is...

***************

The Budget DVD

At long last, the highly-anticipated DVD compendium of six years of Budget Productions greatness (?) has been completed! Those in the know have been awaiting this for years. For those not in the know, Budget is the production company I helped to found in 1996 along with a host of shady characters. Five such characters (myself included) gathered on the first night of the Christmas holiday weekend for a gargantuan Chinese dinner, followed by an invitation-only midnight viewing in the top-secret offices of Laurell Technologies.

[L-R: Daktari, TOKA, JMP, Shiek(h) Hobart, Lonwel Alvier]

Much Yuengling was consumed.

***************

Christmas Morning

I'm a sucker for Christmas. That's all I'll say.

***************

New Year's Day

New Year's Eve, Cory and I hit up some local spots, settling in for midnight at Camaradas. They had a champagne toast and I kissed some blond woman at midnight. Again, much Guinness was consumed as well. That next day we hit up the best breakfast spot in East Harlem, then lazily played chess and drank tea. And in Pisch family tradition, I burned a Bayberry candle all day. It brings good spirits to the coming year.

***************

Now, don't think that because I'm forever whining about not having a home computer that I've been doing absolutely nothing NTG-related... I have been painstakingly poring over the photo archives, and am currently in the "winnowing-down" process for the GRANDIOSE FAVORITES OF 2005! Yes, I'm going to follow through on this, and yes they'll be an awesome retrospective of the year that was. PLUS, I'm working on a recap of said year, which will be entertaining to myself and few others. Like NTG in general. And life overall.

A little side note: if you haven't yet, see A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE. And yes, I'm aware that it has been in theaters for several months now. What can I say. I'm a little BE-HIND THE TIMES.

So, it's all sunshine here, as usual. Keep up with the Nothing!

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Welcome Home...

2006-01-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, all!

This is only a quick hello, I'm working on some new NTG goodness to get aught-six going right. Patience, my children... I will appease all your needs soon.

Allllll your needs...

Okay, that's just creepy. In the meantime, click HERE for something that should make you laugh. If you don't, well... some people were born without souls.

See you soon...

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The NTG Christmas Hiatus!

2005-12-20T15:59:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh, it feels good to be posting again!

With that, I'm here to announce our official hiatus!

Yes, it's true, things have been batshit around here, and I haven't been able to post with nearly the regularity that I like to. I am still collecting new snaps and observing the world around me and doing all the other things that informed my posts here on NTG, but I just haven't had the time or focus to direct it all into written form. And just like I knew that old-ass dude at the very end of Aeon Flux would say (by the way, I saw Aeon Flux this weekend and found it unsurprisingly predictable):

"I'm tired."

So I'm rounding out this week by taking it easy (work should be cake, and with the transit strike I doubt I'll be getting around town much) and then leaving on Friday for the greener pastures of Blue Bell. Christmas at my house should be very chill, and that's exactly what I want. The past few times I've made it out of New York, I haven't felt too able to relax, so weekends intended to be therapeutic respites from the city's crushing schizophrenia didn't exactly pan out that way. I'm planning on changing all that with this trip.

This will likely be the final post until 2006 (and while I mean no offense to those readers who don't celebrate, or simply don't like, Christmas, I'm still calling it a Christmas Hiatus... my blog, my holiday!), but I'm hoping to start the year off with a bang. I'll DEFINITELY be coming back with snaps, and I'm also in the process of compiling the Grandiose Favorites of 2005, a snap-rospective of the year that will soon depart. Plus, I'm always willing to hear some ideas for new features (with only two games left on the Eagles schedule, the Eagles Pic Of The Week will be sailing off into the sunset until October or so), so please feel free to hit me up on the comment board or via email at NTG_MAIL@yahoo.com with any and all suggestions.

We here at Nothing Terribly Grandiose would like to wish you all a safe, happy, healthy holiday season. 2005 was a great year. 2006 will be even better.

Stay Inspired,

JMP

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Eagles Pic Of The Week So Ben Will Shut Up!

2005-12-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

YES!

The Eagles have finally won a game to come to a record of 6-8! Now, all we need is to win the remaining two games and pray that both Dallas and Washington LOSE their two remaining games, and we'll end up with a breaking-even record and be on the same page as two of our division rivals!

Hey, it can happen...

Truthfully, I didn't watch the game Sunday. New York markets weren't carrying it, and with my compy dead I couldn't even follow it online. I had considered going to a bar to watch, but Town Tavern seemed so far away, plus given the fact that I came close to bludgeoning another human being (albeit, a Seattle fan) the last time I was there, I figured it was best to steer clear. But don't for a second think that my support of the team in midnight green has waned... This has been a tough year, obviously, but given the barrage of shit we've had to deal with since early February, I think we're still coming out of it able to hold our heads up. Not high, but up.

This week's pic is the inimitable Brian Dawkins, intercepting a pass intended for the Rams' Brandon Manumaleuna. Heh... more like Brandon Manumaleu-NOT-catching-that-pass!

Yes, that was awful, and I'm proud of it.

SHUT IT!

I love you all... Even you, Wil Wheaton...

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Well Then...

2005-12-16T09:08:00.000-05:00

Since TWO reader comments clamoring for a new post qualifies as public outcry in the NTG world, here you go... A new post...

It has obviously been awhile since I got something of note up on the ol' blog. I miss my blog. The biggest stonewall to me posting, lately, has been the death of my home computer. Hal 9000. I didn't name him, Drew did. Yell at Drew. There is still hope for resurrecting Hal, but that would only be for the purpose of retrieving the data on the hard drive. The rest of him is old, beaten, and beyond the autumn of its years. So 2006 will see a new home compy, and with that will come a resurgence of NTG goodness!

With Hal temporarily dead, I have had to rely on work time to post, and work has been busy. We're doing office renovations, and I mean that lit'rally. We painted all day Wednesday and yesterday, and hopefully by this afternoon everything will be done and I can get back to using my work time for productive posting. That is, considering I can still get to and from work with all this MTA transit strike nonsense. I made it into work an hour early today, tried to get a jump on any shutdown that might happen. Gotta finish painting. But shit, if I had my way I'd have stayed home, drank tea and watched "Lord Of The Rings" all day. That was my backup plan for if they decided on the strike last night at midnight like they were threatening. But here I am at work, early, posting for you fine readers. That's just how much I love all of you.

Sorry I have been a veritable ghost lately, I will strive to do better in the future.

And if I don't, and any of you has a problem with that, we shall battle to the death on a suspension bridge over a volcano.

Bring it.

Love ya!

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At The VERY Least...

2005-12-06T09:55:00.000-05:00

...I had to post something about that travesty of a game last night.

I'm not going to get into specifics about the game, but this week's pic is in the interest of finding the positive within the negative (trying to keep a sunny outlook, see?). Before the game, the Eagles, and really the whole city of Philadelphia AND the whole NFL, paid tribute to one of the fallen greats, Reggie White. His daughter, Jecolia, sang the national anthem before the game, and his famed number 92 was officially retired. It was a fitting tribute to one of Philadelphia's most loved athletes.

What would have been even more of a fitting tribute... Fuck it I'm not even going to get into it. Rather, I'll leave you with an anecdote.

Zack and I went to Town Tavern for the game. As much as I enjoy going there, there always has to be a small contingent (sometimes a contingent of 1) of Eagles detractors. Well, last night was no different, as there was a loud, jackass Seattle fan being a loud, jackass Seattle fan. I have learned to not let these people get to me, but as I mentioned in my last post, I haven't exactly been doing great lately. Lot on my mind. So, after each Seattle touchdown, the guy's cheering got louder, more asshole-ish, and more annoying to my frazzled state of mind. After their third one, while giving him the patented Joe Death Stare, I reached back to the table, grabbed the ketchup bottle, and took one step toward him before Zack grabbed my arm. We left at halftime. I don't know if I would have actually hit the guy, but chances are good I would have gotten my ass beat, and would have been banned for life from Town Tavern. So, thanks to Zack for preventing all that.

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That's Correct...

2005-11-30T01:23:00.000-05:00

There was no Eagles Pic Of The Week this week.

Nor was there a "Happy Thanksgiving" post this past weekend, and for that I apologize. I still love you, Readers. Do you still love me? Do you still love me???

But listen, things have just been crazy. Thanksgiving weekend was a much needed respite from the everyday pummeling I receive at the hands of life in New York, just on the virtue that it's life in New York. And right before I left, and since I've come back from The Double B, I've been handling a project at work. Plus karate, and sleep... So whatever, I've been busy, you've been busy, it's a busy time of year.

No excuse, I know.

But the point of this is I'm hoping to be able to get something else legit up within a couple days, I've just been preoccupied with stuff.

Well, just so I, at least, don't leave you with nothing... ummmmmm... here's a panorama series of my edit room I did a long time ago. July, to be exact. July 11th, to be even more exact...

So that's something, then...(?)

Right, off to bed.

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2005-11-23T01:33:00.000-05:00

Okay.

I'll get it right out of the way and say that the mathematical odds standing between the Eagles and the playoffs this year are about as large as Ruben Studdard the day after Thanksgiving.

He's a big fat guy. And Thanksgiving is a holiday where you eat a lot. Get the joke?

The pic of the week has an interesting little tale behind it. What you see in the photo is the Eagles' Mike Lewis, defending a pass to the Giants' Amani Toomer (#81 in the blue jersey, there with his arms practically around Lewis). For some reason, the Eagles were charged with a pass interference penalty that singularly amounted to 42 yards of field-space for the Giants. AND resulted in a touchdown for the Giants in a 27-17 win over the Eagles, ostensibly serving as the final nail in the lid of our playoff-hopes-coffin. But this is the pic of the week because... um... see how Toomer's arms are around Lewis? Yeah, that means it was a bullshit call. Which means that had the officials called it accurately the touchdown could have been prevented, which means the loss could have been prevented, which means we wouldn't be talking about a playoff-hopes-coffin, we'd be talking about a playoff-hopes-...um... look, I'm not taking this well. I stayed home from work yesterday with a migraine, and it was most likely caused by my viewing of this game.

Interestingly enough (to quiet those currently questioning why the pic is smaller than usual), that Sunday evening, I came home and looked at the early posted photos from the game (which are usually in a smaller album on the Eagles homepage). From that, I selected the smaller version and figured I'd get the larger when they posted that full album. Monday afternoon, despite the physical pain of using the computer ('member that migraine?), I checked the photo album, and that pic wasn't there. So, I figure the NFL made them pull it, because it SO BLATANTLY SHOWS that there is no penalty, and if there were it would be OFFENSIVE PASS INTERFERENCE AGAINST AMANI TOOMER! MOTHERFUCKING REFS!!!

The headache still hasn't totally gone away...

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So......

2005-11-20T04:03:00.000-05:00

...It's been awhile since I've gone off on a good ol' blog rant.

It's late Saturday night (or I guess more accurately, Sunday morning). My plan for tonight was to meet up with a friend and probably barhop, but she never called and I wound up "taking a nap" while watching the Ottawa-Jersey game. I would have loved to stay awake during that... not that I'm an Ottawa fan, but they were trouncing Jersey (for those unaware, my Ranking Triumvirate of Most Despised NHL Teams is: the New York Rangers, the New Jersey Devils, and the Washington Capitals). I fell asleep late in the first, when it was tied at 1. I woke up late in the third, when it was 5-2 Ottawa. It ended 5-4. Jersey actually did worse when I was asleep. I also would have liked to hang with my friend... nights out barhopping with her are always long, late and crazy. Of course, I had one of those last night. Ben and Steve and I started out at my office, drinking and watching R. Kelly's latest 7 chapters of his "urban opera" masterpiece, Trapped In The Closet. Sheer, sheer brilliance. They currently stand at 12 chapters, and they are continuing with AT LEAST 10 more (Kells has currently written 22), and it is ALREADY one of the greatest viewing experiences of 2005. Trace it through WIKIPEDIA and you can view all 12, or pick up the DVD. Or find a friend who did. After that we played frisbee in my office for at least a half hour, singing in parody of the song as a sort of ludicrous improv exercise. Whoever had the frisbee HAD to continue singing. We discussed plans for later on, and self-awaredly commented on the ridiculousness of our current situation. Then we toured our way through some East Village haunts until around 2. But the point of this whole little ramble is that I am not out having a night like that again tonight. I'm home unloading a bunch of thoughts and pictures and NTG nonsense I've come to splashing around here.

Where shall we begin?...

How about, with pics from two sporting events I attended:

The ING New York City Marathon

AND

A Lucha Libre Wrestling Match.

First, the wrestling. It was at the Fix, in Williamsburg, owned by two friends of mine from Karate. A few times a year, they host Lucha Libre wrestling matches in the middle of their coffee shop/bar. This was my first time checking it out, but I'll definitely go back. The whole thing is ludicrous, in a great way. Two women in thongs and masks come out and wrestle WWF style for a few minutes, complete with scripted dialogue and the antics of one contestant's "manager" who repeatedly and cartoonishly sabotages his player's opponent. Being in Williamsburg, you have to wade through armies of hipsters, but that usually isn't hard. What's cool, as my sensei pointed out to me over a beer before the match, a good half the people in the place were friends of his or the owners, and they were ALL somehow involved in martial arts. But you would never imagine it from looking at this hipster-ish cafe. There's dudes in there who can kill you with their bare hands. Don't start nothin'!

Here's the scene:

Here is Lobo Blanca, before her long awaited rematch with La Tormenta! Here she is from a slightly wider angle:

That's sensei in the back, the lower left corner. Yes, that's correct, look past the be-thong-ed ass hanging out a mere foot from my camera lens. See the dude in the back? That's sensei.

Some of the action from the match:

Now, my award for Favorite Snap Of The Night goes to this shot:

I had thought of using this in another "What Is It?" Contest, but decided I liked it too much for that. During one of the antagonist manager's aforementioned antics, he pulled a bottle of baby powder and sprayed it in the "good" wrestler's face. I snapped the bottle as it exploded. This one's bound for the 2005 Favorites, coming this February!

And thus endeth the wrestling match...

***************

The morning after, nursing a fierce headache I made it outside to see my friend Heather run past me in the New York Marathon. She said she'd be passing through Harlem around 12:30 or 1, so I walked to 116th & 1st, hung out for about 2 hours and snapped pictures. I handed out a few cups of water too, it's a cool way to connect with the runners.

Some people were just so happy to be running, it was quite inspiring.

And of course, you had the assorted people running in costumes and goofy stuff like that. Some people took it further than others. I saw a guy running in a bunny costume, a couple clowns (which let me tell you, was creepy enough to induce nightmares... imagine a clown running past you in the middle of a marathon, grinning maniacally, waving at you while sweaty makeup drips off his face), and the very-common "hooray New York" foam hats (usually Statue of Liberty crowns). One of my favorites was this guy:

Talk about classy. Committing entirely to running a MARATHON, dressed in this goofy tuxedo t-shirt? That dude rules.

Here are a couple multi-pic sequences, courtesy of Pentax's repeat-shot function...

First, watch #9379:

Second, check out #2209, and the dark-haired woman behind him:

There are cuprakers all throughout the running path to stem the tide of disposed paper cups. I wonder if there's a way to tally how many of those cups they use in the marathon each year...

In the end, I wound up not seeing Heather run past. She said she got a slower start and probably passed by, ironically enough, about a half hour after I left. I'm really proud of her though, it takes a lot of strength (physical, mental, what have you) to run a race like that.

***************

So at this point, it's rather late. There are still some things to clear out of the NTG cache, but they will have to wait. It's late. Stay tuned for the new Eagles Pic Of The Week, sometime tomorrow evening. Can the Birds defeat the hated New York Giants? Yes, yes we can. Eli "Eeyore" Manning will slink off to the sidelines quite often, I daresay. Also coming up will be my review of Neil Young's Prairie Wind (which is already on pace for making me cry more than any other record of 2005), a new New Snaps, and maybe a sneak preview of the forthcoming film Colleagues, currently in production under a veil of secrecy at the NTG Offices...

Good night, all...

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2005-11-15T09:28:00.000-05:00

Here I am. Embracing the pain. Not putting up a puppy picture. Happy, Ben? Happy to see me bask in the misery of watching the Eagles pull a Phillies move and choke at the last second? See how enlightened I am?

Granted, there ARE positives in every negative situation. Namely:

Akers is back - and he's this week's Pic. He's not 100%, but asking the man to kick a 61-yard field goal his second game back from a kicking-leg-hamstring pull is akin to asking Bush to spell his own name... he just doesn't have it in him, and we shouldn't expect it of him. But still, Akers is out there, working his ass off to help the team, fighting through the pain. And he's such a good kicker that if he had nailed that kick with no time left, the city of Philadelphia would have said they expected it all along, and it would be easy to believe it.

So is our running game - 181 yards, Westbrook with 86 of them and a touchdown, and McNabb ran one in for 6 as well (gracing the Link with a litany of touchdown celebrations: the Leg Kick, the Thriller, AND the Moonwalk).

T.O. is GONE - I've remained largely silent concerning the whole T.O. debacle, because I haven't really felt compelled to speak out. Rather, I've tried to transcend the soap opera nonsense and support my team, haters-be-damned. Now that we're in the aftermath stages, I'll simply say I'm glad and that we're better off as a team. Will it hurt not having that average 100 yards, 1 TD per game? Probably. Do I believe that the Eagles are a team that can battle back and win regardless? Absolutely. Last night obviously didn't exhibit that, but T.O.'s absence isn't what lost that game for us. And I'm pointing NO fingers, except my middle one at the sky in the direction of Dallas. As I said to a friend via email late last night... "I hope Jerry Jones catches herpes from one or more of the filthy hookers in his hot-tub-shaped-like-Texas-Stadium..." I said some other stuff too, but I'll stop there.

Just to make us all a tiny bit happier (at least me, Zack, and my brother), here's a parting Pic...

God Bless the Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders!

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Eng Karate 2005 Class Photo

2005-11-11T16:31:00.000-05:00

[From L-R: BACK ROW Chris Devita, Chris Briseno, Colin Rankin, Sensei Chris Eng, Lee Berman, Steven Lebowitz, Joseph Pisch. MIDDLE ROW Jennie Berman Eng, Dane Atkinson, Jocasta Bryan. FRONT ROW Radi Lewis, Ryan Shogren.]

This is the club in its current incarnation. We've got a few new students, as well as some seasoned vets. This is the first club picture in which I've appeared, marking about a year I've been studying. Can orange belt be far off? We shall see... I'll be sure to post another Karate Belt Status Update when the changeover happens.

Osssss...

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"King to F3 is a good prophylactic move..."

2005-11-11T10:03:00.000-05:00

Thanks, Josh Waltzkin!

Until very recently, my understanding of chess was rudimentary at best. I knew how each piece moved (more or less) and I could casually play a game against someone of my level of knowledge. I'd stand absolutely no chance against someone with even intermediate skills. My neighbor Cory has been enamored with chess for some time now, and through him I've managed to step up my own learning. I knew chess was a game of strategy and survival, but I never grasped or respected how layered it truly is. Or how addictive.

We hung out last night and tested ourselves with tutorials from his Chessmaster game for Playstation. I'm not much of a video game guy (I'll almost always defer to be a spectator rather than a player), but this game could convert me. Not only does the game have tutorials and quizzes, but it's got games recorded and narrated by various masters and legendary players. One such player is the aforementioned Mr. Waltzkin, the inspiration for the movie Searching for Bobby Fischer. The way he narrates the games makes it easy to understand the reasoning and depth behind every move, and yet the simplicity at the core of the game. You simply take away every option the other player has for survival.

In just the week or so that chess has been on my mind, I feel like I've learned a great deal of basic strategy (not to mention realizing immediate parallels with martial arts, but I'll expound on that sometime later) and am starting to build a solid foundation of learning. How far can I take this, dear readers? I must say, I'm hooked at this point. It's going to be a cold-ass winter this year, and I've got a chess set and table at my house, and Cory's just two floors up. I think I've found my project for the cold-weather months.

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New Snaps: American Museum of Natural History Edition

2005-11-09T09:32:00.000-05:00

Wow, that title is a mouthful.

I found myself at the AMNH a couple weekends back, and naturally Pentax accompanied. I really enjoy that as a cheap way to spend a day, going to a museum and snapping a bunch of interesting stuff. Of course it's all no-flash, which sort of challenges me as a photographer. In order to get anything clear, I have to stand perfectly still to accomodate the slow shuter speed.

Here's the select favorites from the day, sans commentary... I'm tired... so very tired...

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2005-11-07T09:38:00.000-05:00

It's a cute puppy again.

Every time you see the cute puppy in the Eagles Pic Of The Week post, it means don't talk to me about that atrocious excuse for an Eagles game the previous day.

I have nothing more to say.

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Where Have You Gone, Peanut Butter Twix?

2005-11-03T09:20:00.000-05:00

I feel it is my social and moral responsibility to comment on a disturbing trend I have seen in recent months. If this trend is indicative of the global marketplace as a whole, I feel drastic steps must be taken to reverse this occurrence, and I'm willing to step to the front lines of this battle. I have become aware, upon my trips to various New York City area stores of all varieties, of the sharply declining availability of Peanut Butter Twix.

I used to have a small but reliable network of sources for Peanut Butter Twix around Manhattan. Many neighborhoods boasted a place where even if I didn't know they were available, I was often pleasantly surprised. In recent months, however, these various sources (comprised of all manner of grocery stores, major drug store chains, corner stores, bodegas, newsstands, and haberdasheries) have almost all ceased to offer this champion of the candy lexicon. Just a few of the once key locations for Peanut Butter Twix acquisition that have fallen under the potentially horrifying umbrella of this recent trend are:

-Newsstand, Astor Place 6 station, uptown*

-Walgreens, 14th Street and 4th Avenue, off Union Square East, southeast corner

-Newsstand, 59th Street 6 station, uptown

-Newsstand, 86th Street and Lexington Avenue, northeast corner

-Corner store, Lexington Avenue below 92nd Street

-Duane Reade, 3rd Avenue below 94th Street

-Bodega, 117th Street and Lexington Avenue

[* - site of my near-infamous consumption of no less than four consecutive Peanut Butter Twixes in a span of less than 7 minutes]

In the case of some of these, telltale signs of the decline were present... signs I acknowledged silently but never aloud, for fear of confirming their tragic implications. For instance, in the case of the Lex Ave/92nd Street corner store: their stash of Peanut Butter Twix was always in a single box on the bottom shelf of the candy display, occasionally obscured by other boxes, and the wrappers were almost invariably dusty. Their stock had most likely not been replenished in some time, and the candy itself often tasted bland. In the case of the 117th Street bodega: the candy is housed behind a Plexiglas shield built into the counter, and Peanut Butter Twix were once prominently displayed in the tight candy lineup. One day, I purchased the final bar in the slot, and they have yet to reappear.

It is apparent that many candy retailers, for one reason or another, are ceasing to restock this item. The cause could be decreased demand in the marketplace, but more importantly: who is making that decision? Does it happen at the level of the individual store, or is it determined at the upper echelon of Peanut Butter Twix's parent company, candy goliath M&M Mars? If so, is their decision regionally based? And if so, how do they obtain the information on what regions or localities will offer Peanut Butter Twix?

I have yet to directly pursue answers to this issue, but I plan on contacting someone within the M&M Mars organization. I will most certainly keep the readership of Nothing Terribly Grandiose apprised of information as I receive it, but for now, like many ardent fans of this particular confectionery choice, I am forced to stockpile Peanut Butter Twix when given the opportunity for purchase. Many, if not all, of my once reliable sources have faltered and widespread availability is no longer a reality.

Until a resolution is reached, I shall remain vigilant and hopeful that this issue does not spread to cataclysmic proportions. To my fellow Peanut Butter Twix fans: do not lose faith! With the blessing of unseen and mysterious forces, we shall all emerge from this time of trial.

I love you all.

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Movie Review: El Vacilon: The Movie

2005-11-02T17:55:00.000-05:00

Wow. If ever there was a film that shares dual citizenship in the lands of Awesome and Terrible, this is it.

Spanish-language shock-jocks Luis Jimenez and Moonshadow (hosts of Mega 97.9's "El Vacilon de la Manana") bring their on-air zaniness to the screen, and they truly, TRULY, don't give a fuck.

Which rules.

Some evidence of their non-fuck-giving, you say? Okay, here you go... this film contains scenes of the following:

- Moonshadow fellating a banana while dressed in drag at a beachfront banana-fellating competition
- A DVD supervillain with a filthy, dripping asshole for a mouth (and an ass for a face, but I figured you would have gathered that)
- Luis getting vomited on while his hand is caught in a piss-filled toilet
- COUNTLESS instances of genital trauma
- An extended strip club scene, complete with a lapdance from a 50DD woman
- Horse masturbation

...among others that I'll refrain from mentioning, since they basically all fall under the same category.

Some of the highlights (other than an ending that, once it happens, leaves you no choice to but to think "of COURSE they ended it that way, how else could they end a movie like this?") include Luis' use of a toy Batmobile to hit on a woman at a bar, and the "in-studio" radio show scenes. For someone like me, who speaks veritably no Spanish and yet is a marginal fan of the show, I loved seeing them at work with the luxury of subtitles. I'd love to see a short documentary specifically on that!

Ben and I were obligated to see this movie, due to our fascination with the inimitable duo (here's the BACKSTORY for you NTG novices). While it was by no means one of my favorite films of the year, just the experience of seeing it (and thus the reality of its existence) was top notch. Luis and Moon essentially have created a film about themselves creating a movie, but the movie that they create IS the film itself, and they never really "make" a movie in the timeline of the film itself. It's all some faux-po-mo "fuck you" that can be boiled down to: they wanted to make a movie, they made a movie, the movie exists for the sake of being the movie that they created, which was about them creating a movie. It's an excuse for them to be themselves and not give a fuck what anyone thinks. Genius or waste of time? It's both. And neither.

See it! Or don't! Luis and Moon don't give a fuck!

Okay, at least WATCH THE TRAILER...

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2005-10-31T09:54:00.000-05:00

Here's your Eagles Pic Of The Week. It's a cute puppy. Take it or leave it.

And don't talk to me about yesterday. It's like Kevin Mitchell (allegedly) told Dwight Gooden after he (allegedly) decapitated his own girlfriend's cat in a(n allegedly) drunken/coked-up rage while he (allegedly) held her (and Gooden) at knifepoint for hours back in 1986:

"Yesterday never happened."

[Cute puppy picture provided by listsrv.cmsu.edu/archives.]

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Eagles Pic Of The Week - REDUX!

2005-10-27T16:25:00.000-04:00

In the interest of thoroughness (or thorough-tude, or thorough-ity, or whatever the correct word might be), above is the pic of Trotter's interception against San Diego that I had initially wanted to include. The Eagles photo page, however, didn't have it available until I had already posted. So... blame them, not me.

All I'm saying.

FLY EAGLES FLY!!! Bring on Denver next week!

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Eagles Pic(s) Of The Week

2005-10-24T02:48:00.000-04:00

Wow.

Wow, what a game. If ever there was a representation of how football (and really, professional sports in general) acts as a piece of theater, this game was it.

The setting helped... Zack had gotten wind of The Town Tavern, a bar in the West Village that houses an Eagles fan club. They gather to watch every game, and those sporting Eagles gear get Yuengling at Philly prices ($2 pints, $7 pitchers), and FREE cheesesteaks at halftime. Of course this does not come without the usual New York qualifiers - namely that the Yuengling tastes old and vinegary, and there is no such thing as a passable cheesesteak outside of Philadelphia and its outlying suburbs. But hey, this dude was absolutely not complaining. Avoid the wings though... Town Tavern uses a barbecue/wing sauce hybrid that tastes like musky ass.

But enough about the tavern and its sub-par menu... The game was outstanding. Granted it was not without the usual frustrations inherent to being an Eagles fan. In a seesaw battle fraught with sloppy offense, bad penalties (not to mention flag-happy officials... TWICE they threw the flag, consorted on the sidelines, and then announced "no foul on the play"... WTF, officials?!), and wacky plot twists, we managed to eke out a VERY necessary win.

Some fourth quarter highlights, courtesy of philadelphiaeagles.com:

On first down from the 21-yard line, Tomlinson ran left for a loss of one yard. On second down, Mark Simoneau blitzed up the middle and hit Brees as he threw knocking the ball in the air. Jeremiah Trotter picked off the pass at the 25-yard line and ran it back to the 23-yard line...

On fourth-and-2, Kaeding's 40-yard field goal was blocked by Mikell. Matt Ware picked up the ball and returned it 65 yards for a touchdown...

On third down, out of the shotgun, Brees found Caldwell on coverage by Brian Dawkins. Sheldon Brown came up and stripped the ball, which was recovered by Darwin Walker at the 19-yard line.

The officials reviewed the play, and the play stands.

The Eagles kneeled on the ball and finished out the game.

Wacky plot twists, indeed! How often do you see a) Trotter getting a pick-off (his first of the season), b) a BLOCKED FIELD GOAL (!?), and c) a CRUCIAL forced fumble, ALL within the span of about 10 minutes of football time? I'll tell you how often: NOT often.

So it was a hard-fought victory for the boys in midnight green. This is no time to get complacent... this game clearly highlighted some issues that we seriously need to address. Here's my laundry list for the week:

- Where the hell is our running game? Westbrook was an absolute non-factor, while McNabb wound up airing the ball 54 times. Yes, you read that right.

- On the topic of Westbrook... Why the hell have his hands turned to rubber? The guy has not consistently caught passes all year. Not to mention he can't cut the way he used to and has gained weight and lost some speed. None of that will get you a new contract, B.

- Why all the penalties? Flag-happy officials aside (Zack and I figured they just didn't make their quota last week and were making up for it today), how the hell do you get called for an illegal shift twice in the same half?

- Why the hell am I saying "the hell" so much? I've managed to fit it into every one of these laundry list items.

SO... now that I've turned the "Eagles Pic Of The Week" into the "Joe Pretends He Knows Enough About Football To Legitimately Rant About It Of The Week," here's our pics. Yes, plural... a game like this requires it...

Jeremiah Trotter, whose fourth-quarter interception sparked the madcap series of events that led to the win.

Chargers Kicker Nate Kaeding watches as his 40-yard field goal attempt is...

...BLOCKED by Quintin Mikell, recovered by Matt Ware and returned 65 yards for a game-winning Eagles touchdown! (smaller photo at top of post, Dawkins in the background)

Sheldon Brown strips Reche Caldwell of the ball, not only preventing a touchdown, but ensuring that the remaining 1:34 would be run out to cement the Eagles victory.

And this one is just for my own enjoyment... Chargers RB LaDainian Tomlinson was hoping to break the standing record for touchdowns in consecutive games (18). The Eagles defense held him 34 yards on the day, only 7 of them rushing.

I like to think LaDainian went into the locker room and cried.

I also like to think we'll be returning to The Town Tavern for future games. It's like a little Philadelphia Embassy here in New York, save for the bad food.

[Photo acknowledgements: philadelphiaeagles.com, nfl.com, and philly.com.]

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Acid Mothers Temple and the Cosmic Inferno!!! - REDUX!!!

2005-10-23T11:34:00.000-04:00

The trip home...

Okay, so maybe I built up the suspense for this one a bit too much, but it is one of those New York "bizarre in an under-the-radar kind of way" tales. So......

I left Southpaw and couldn't find Cory or Ignacio. While searching I turned my phone on and discovered a text from Cory. He had gotten kicked out for smoking. I couldn't believe it... I had never actually seen that happen at a show before. I've been to a ton of shows, even since the smoking ban, and I STILL see people whip stuff out all the time, with total impunity. But this particular time the wrong person apparently saw him and he wound up leaving. I still don't know all the details but the cynic in me can't escape the feeling that it has something to do with his race. Which fucking infuriates me.

So, I got him on the phone and he turned out to be home already. He didn't know what had happened to Ignacio, and neither did I. He's still a ghost.

I did, however, get ahold of Ben. When I got him on the phone the first time, he was really short and said "yeah, can't talk now, I'm making deals, I'll call you back." After about 10 minutes of wandering around Brooklyn, I got him on the phone again, and he was a little more coherent. We played "find the landmark" for awhile and eventually met up. The "deals" he was making were the most ridiculous thing...

He had bumped into a guy on the street named Pablo, and somehow in their random conversation Pablo found out Ben's a writer. He offered Ben a million dollars to write his life story. Ben couldn't believe it, and kept seeking affirmation from Pablo's friend, a Mexican guy who spoke no English, that Pablo refered to constantly as "Pablo's helper." He just kept shrugging. So, Ben chatted with Pablo for awhile, and got a business card with contact info and everything... He's going to call him soon and see if the million-dollars-to-write-Pablo's-life-story deal still stands. I'll keep you posted.

Anyway at that point, we were still deep into Brooklyn and needed to get home. According to this sign, it was 185 degrees. Um?

On the way, we passed the latest 97.9 MEGA advertisements. NTG fans know Ben and I have some BACKSTORY with these ads, but unfortunately this round doesn't highlight (or even include) Luis Jimenez y Moonshadow. WHICH SUCKS.

"I used to work near here," Ben commented as we walked toward the subway. "The Brooklyn Bridge is just up this way..."

So we wound walking across the bridge at around 2:00am. I've only walked the span once before, and it was during the day (in fact, during the Second Annual Two Man March), so seeing it at night was pretty cool.

Once we hit lower Manhattan, we made our way to the Canal Street 6 station.

Ben picked out this spot for him and I to shoot our first video, once we... uh... write some songs. Although that's not fair... we've got "Defiant Reliance." Best song in the world. 122 seconds of pure awesomeness. I'll try to put up an audio clip of it sometime...

And then Ben ascended to Subway Heaven.

We hopped off the train at 86th and walked to Midnight Express, because there's no better way to end a night.

By the time we left (oh, I don't know... 4:30-ish?), my head was absolutely pounding. I was beginning to get sick, I could feel it. I hailed a cab, and was treated to 5 minutes of Indian music. My driver explained who it was and a bit about the rhythm they were playing. That dude really loved his music. I appreciated it.

Then I came home and passed out.

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Acid Mothers Temple and the Cosmic Inferno!!!

2005-10-22T01:45:00.000-04:00

If any band's live act can be labeled "essential" (if only because they self-release SO MANY cd-r recordings that it's difficult for anyone but fetish-level cultists to keep up), it must be Japanese psych-rock collective Acid Mothers Temple.

Before Wednesday, I had seen AMT twice, and both times left me beaten and near-deaf by the impenetrable wall of noise they create. Needless to say, I insist on seeing them at least once every time they come around. The lineup is pretty standard: a guitar, a bass, drums, some vocals, and an echoplex (which is sometimes switched out with a second guitar). But in the midst of their onslaught, it becomes practically impossible to determine which element of the sound is coming from which instrument or player, and I've learned to not even try... just stand there and let it wash over me. The live show becomes a wonderful endurance test.

They hit New York this year in their newest configuration, Acid Mothers Temple and the Cosmic Inferno, which differs from their previous configuration, Acid Mothers Temple and the Melting Paraiso UFO, only in the addition of a second drummer (!!!)(those who know me know that multiple drummers onstage is one of my favorite musical situations) and occasional extra guitars. As if that aforementioned wall of sound needed to be stronger or louder...

I rolled down to Southpaw in Brooklyn with Cory, Ben, and Ignacio (friend of Cory's from kickboxing/jujitsu classes) to be summarily destroyed by AMT's latest New York City visit. Before the show, I had all intentions of checking them out the following two nights at The First Unitarian Church in Philly, and Knitting Factory (back in NYC). Buuuuut... Well, the Wednesday show worked out a bit differently than I had originally planned. Pentax was well active, and I even went the extra technological mile for this show... That's right kids, NTG is proud to include some VIDEO CLIPS! Moving up in the world, we are... Keep your eyes peeled for them throughout the post...

Be patient while the video clips load, they're worth it! And make sure your speakers are on!

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First order of business when I hit Southpaw was to head downstairs to the basement. In the bathroom lounge area, every inch of which is wallpapered with thousands of photographs, they've got my favorite picture of Jimi Hendrix ever. Check it:

The look on his face cracks me up. The venue room itself is wallpapered with show posters:

Even cooler (although sadly I didn't snap it), one of the bathroom stalls downstairs is entirely papered with baseball cards. The unifying factor between ALL of them: they're all lefties. (Get it? Southpaw?)

Anyway, as the crowd anxiously awaited their own sonic destruction...

...we stood perplexed by the futuristic Budweiser bottles they were slinging at the bar:

I had never seen a bottle like it before. While we waited, Ben ranted about the smoking ban... I believe it started something like: "A society in which you can't go smoke a zeppelin in the b-" [VIDEO: THE RANT CONTINUES, :29]

I love how Dead Meadow's "Heaven" is heard to begin juuust at the end of this clip. Here's Ben post-rant:

Cory proudly saluted AMT with his choice of attire:

At long last, Acid Mothers Temple took the stage. Once they started, the noise didn't stop for about 90 minutes.

Here's an early sample of the chaos: [VIDEO: OPENING RIFF, :51]

See, the way AMT plays... I don't want to get too long-winded about this, but essentially, they start off with a simple riff. It's usually very heavy, but catchy and SUPER-precise. Then, they play the same riff for about 20 minutes, slowly building it and adding layers of noise to it, and it builds and builds and builds until it's rumbling inside your head and practically lifting you off the ground. Then they make it heavier. It's a mix of meticulously exact bass and drums, and a chaotic swirl of guitar and echoplex, often mixed with singing, sometimes chanting. It begins, very shortly, to sound almost religious. A full-on show might include only three or four "riffs" that are stretched into entire songs, but the whole show comprises 90 minutes of pure, soul-wrenching greatness.

A standard of theirs is "Pink Lady Lemonade," found on their 2002 release Live In Occident, among other places. This song follows that build-on-a-riff pattern I just described. Check it: [VIDEO: PINK LADY LEMONADE, :30]

I have no shame in admitting that I was crying at the end of "Pink Lady Lemonade." None whatsoever.

Okay, I'm talking too much... Here's a bunch of snaps from the night...

...and yes, in that first one, he's actually playing two guitars simultaneously...

That last one looks like he's crying out to Heaven. That's about how I felt by that point in the show.

They bashed it out a bit more after that: [VIDEO: MORE BEAUTIFUL CHAOS, :52]

AMT also works a good degree of theatricality into their performances. At the two shows of theirs I saw in 2004 (May 23 at Knitting Factory - my AMT initiation - and June 19 at Southpaw) they performed a brief puppet show in the middle. The puppets acted out a scene from Romeo & Juliet in falsetto, both voiced in broken Japanenglish by the bass player. One of the puppets was a horse, and I can't remember how he got to this point, but by the end of the Southpaw show he ripped the horse off his hand with his teeth and chewed on it, proclaiming "we're Japanese! We love to eat horse! Japanese love eating horse!"

This time around, the echoplex/guitar player vanished for a moment, and reappeared shirtless and wearing a viking helmet:

When they finally wrapped up, they thanked the crowd profusely and gave us all an extended thumbs up, which we all gladly returned.

They played no encore. Really, after a set like they usually play, I don't think anyone could handle one, them or us.

***************

Once the show was over, I noticed Cory and Ignacio were gone, and I hadn't seen Ben since about halfway through the show. I never found out exactly what happened to Cory and Ignacio, but I eventually found Ben. The story of where he wound up, and our entire journey home, is a post all its own...

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Ben & Aimee's Kitchen

2005-10-19T10:59:00.000-04:00

Ben and Aimee live in a large 1-bedroom on the upper east side. Ben has lived there since well before I moved to the city, and his couch was my temporary home during my initial move here. Since then, I've hung out there very regularly, and crashed on the couch again numerous times. I almost view their place (which shifted from "his" to "theirs" once Aimee moved in) as a second home, aided in no small part by its warm, comfortable, almost anachronistic nature.

Ben told me last week that he and Aimee will be moving in early November, to a two-bedroom in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. That means, sadly, that they'll no longer be a mere 5 minutes on the 6 away. Of course I wish them the best, and will obviously continue to see them all the time, but I can't help but feel a part of my New York history is vanishing, too. I'll miss being in their place, but I know that their new one will have a charm all its own, yet to be determined.

I unleashed Pentax on their kitchen the last time I was there. Here are some of the results... I think you'll see what I mean about it being anachronistic...

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That THAT, Blog Spammers!

2005-10-18T17:51:00.000-04:00

So, to curb the incoming tide of spam comments NTG has received, and as an excuse to put something meaningless up for my official 69th post (for those in the know, I just made the Bill face), I've changed the comments settings slightly. Now, those interested in leaving comments for us here at NTG will have to complete a simple word verification step. It's akin to the word verification step on Craig'sList and elsewhere.

Just trying to keep things here running as smoothly as possible. HERE is Blogger's explanation page for those who have yet to encounter word verification in their internet wanderings...

Otherwise, things here are going well. I'm on my way to karate, and since last night I've been pondering an important question: Why are great white sharks included in the mackerel shark family when they clearly possess a nictitating membrane? Is there some other classification for mackerel sharks besides the absence of such a membrane?

These are the questions that keep me awake at night. Thank God for valerian root.

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Eagles Pic of The Week

2005-10-17T09:28:00.000-04:00

NTG is still keeping the Eagles Pic Of The Week proudly alive, even after a bye week! This one goes out to Dez, W, Jake, Otis, and ARMANDO CUKO!

I also found THIS, which just begged to be included in this post.

See you next week, and GO BIRDS!!!!!

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Goodbye, My Friend...

2005-10-13T12:41:00.000-04:00

...you won't be anymore with us.

Sadly, a good friend and fellow blogger of NTG is hanging up the ol' blogging shoes, at least for now.

Greased Poker Chips, a singularly unique baseball blog, is going on an open-ended hiatus due to the end of baseball in New York until next April, among other circumstantial reasons. Throughout the 2005 season, GPC meticulously tracked the exploits of baseball's two oldest players, Julio and John Franco; the daily battles of the wily journeyman reliever, Al Leiter; and the back pages of New York City's premier tabloid sports papers, The New York Post and The Daily News. Every post showcased an arresting witticism and encyclopedic passion for the sport, on the part of GPC's founder and webmaster, Ben Hill.

GPC served as an inspiration for myself, and for NTG. It saddens all of us here to look toward the unforseeable future without the promise of GPC's accompaniment, but we understand that such is the nature of life. Following the benevolent teaching of Ben, we shan't focus on the future, but on the eternal now.

If you've never visited Greased Poker Chips, I strongly advise you to CHECK IT OUT. The entire catalog of writings is archived, and well worth reading, so be sure to pay your final respects.

And take heart... GPC might prove the Phoenix, and rise from its ashes...

We'll be watching.

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"What Is It?" Contest Results, #2!!!

2005-10-13T10:20:00.000-04:00

This was the most successful "What Is It?" contest to date, and the winner izzzzz......

ME! AGAIN! This time around I had no less than FOUR people guessing, but they all guessed the same incorrect guess...my arm. While this is remarkably close to the truth, we here at NTG are all about specificity, and in terms of specificity, the correct answer izzzzz......

MY LEG. And to get even more specific, my LEFT leg (for those of you who guessed my left arm).

So once again, I retain my dollar, but it's inspiring to think that four of you actually took the time to guess... It makes me think I've got a future in low-stakes blog contests (or as I like to call them, blogtests), and that next time, somone might actually win that hard-earned dollar of mine!

So, many thanks to those who participated, and keep your eyes open for future "What Is It?" contests!

Let's get a winner next time!

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Welcome Back, NHL!

2005-10-11T16:54:00.000-04:00

When the NHL strike happened at the start of the (non-existent) 2004-05 season, I was as angry as anyone else. Hockey had reached such a state of disarray (which many people, myself included, believe began right around the time the hated New Jersey Devils began using their asshole-ish neutral zone trap) that the sport became practically unwatchable. Play was agonizingly slow, to the point of being downright boring, and the forces of business had infiltrated the sport to such a degree that ticket prices were astronomically high. Taking your family of four to see a game became impossible for tens of thousands of fans, and those fans reacted with disgust and apathy toward the sport they once loved.

Now, I grew up watching hockey. It's a part of some of my earliest and most cherished memories, and anyone who knows me will tell you my blood runs Flyers orange (along with Eagles midnight green and Phillies old-skool maroon and powder blue). I've loved the team since I've been alive, and it had killed me to have become so ambivalent to them, and to the sport at large. Now that the league is alive again (and every single rink is emblazoned with "Thank you, fans!"), the question looms: will anyone care about this sport anymore?

After watching a small handful of games (two of them Flyers games), I'm officially going on record:

Hockey, I still love you, and it's great to have you back. You pissed me off, but life is about transcending things like that.

Along with a new Collective Bargaining Agreement enacted to settle the myriad business issues plaguing the sport, the NHL administration installed a batch of rule changes to increase the speed and level of competition. Whether it is the result of the rules, or just collective exuberance to have hockey back, every game I have watched so far this season has been fast, thrilling, and rough.

Dudes are no longer afraid to hit! Imagine that!

It's obviously still early in hockey's resurrected life, and some things will settle into regularity: the refs will probably cease to be as whistle-happy as they've been in the first few games, the players will finally realize they can utilize the touch-up offsides (a style they likely haven't played since college), defensemen will find creative ways to move opponents from the front of the net without drawing penalties, and the Devils will continue to find ways to be cheating bastards. So I guess, some things will stay the same after all.

[For those unable to pick up on my jack-hammer-like subtlety, I despise the New Jersey Devils, along with the New York Rangers and the Washington Capitals. Again, some things will NEVER change.]

So, could this be the year the Cup's brilliant light shines upon the Black and Orange? I'm no soothsayer, but with our revised roster (a well-balanced group of rookies, up-and-comers, and seasoned vets), not to mention a 30+ year thirst for glory, I for one am cheering for us to channel the spirit of the Broad Street Bullies of old, and bring Stanley home!

FLYERS IN '06!!!

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NTG Backlog Catch-Up #3! - New Snaps 10.10.05

2005-10-10T16:36:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been nigh on two months since I dished out an official New Snaps post.

But take heart! Just because I haven't been readily posting them doesn't mean the snaps haven't been... um... snapped. Wow, that's terrible. I should go back and erase that, but I'm not one to ignore my mistakes. Embrace them and move on, I say!

And in the spirit of moving on, here's a batch of snaps that date back as far as August. Like I said, I was meaning to get them up sooner but I've just been busy. You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?

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Fu Manchu Cover?

On the busride back from my trip to LBI in August, we passed this burning van. It marks the second time in recent years I've passed burning vans on the side of highways (the first being a late night drive back from an ex-girlfriend's place in Jersey when I lived in PA). The first one was pre-Pentax, so no snap except the one in my mind. I'll be able to see it when I reach Heaven and all the pictures I've taken in my mind over my lifetime will be splayed out in front of me.

***************

Ben & Aimee's Demon Army Of The Night

Of course they're not really evil demon cats, but this picture makes it look like it.

***************

Schnauzer

I couldn't help but wonder what this dog was thinking, staring out the window at someone taking his picture.

***************

My Shoe?

This was coming off an escalator at Grand Central. Those escalators can be brutal, obviously capable of tearing the shoes off women's feet. A companion picture I wish I had was the woman who lost it, walking through Grand Central with one bare foot. Sadly, I only saw the aftermath, not the... um... math. Who came up with that word anyway? Was it Dr. Dre?

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What's The Deal With This Guy?

It's been awhile since I've been out to a "nice" dinner, but at what point did they start serving rice in little dishes atopped with little statues? Has my recent diet of pasta and Crown Fried Chicken left me so out of touch?

***************

My Feelings On Fashion In General

This is a snap I've been meaning to get for years. Thanks to my guest photographer!

***************

Cait's Dawkins Impression

I actually missed the snap the first time she did this, and I had to bargain with her to get her to do it again. Best $4,500 I've ever spent!

***************

More Godspeed Covers?

Maybe it's just me being delusional, but both of these look like ideal Godspeed album covers. Coupled with the one I posted last week under the same classification, I guess it's an indicator of how my mind's been working lately.

***************

Colin's First Birthday

These are some of my favorite snaps from Colin's first birthday party...

It has obviously become a rite of passage to systematically smash your first piece of birthday cake, but Colin didn't get to it right away. He sort of stared at it for a little while, like he didn't believe it was actually his to devour/destroy.

I love this one... It's bound for the 2005 Favorites list. From L-R: Ryan, Colin, CJ, Eric.

After Colin started eating, a nuclear reactor went off next door. He was momentarily amazed, and then kept eating.

When he was finished, he sort of sat there for awhile, thinking "okay, how long am I going to have this blue stuff all over me?"

***************

My Photographic Inspiration

Wonder where I get my insatiable need to snap everything I see? I get it from my Mom. Someday I'm planning on doing a New Snaps with her as my special guest. She, herself, rocks a Pentax 35mm with a 300mm zoom capable of catching low-orbit satellites.

***************

Double TT

Walking distance from my family home in Blue Bell, there stands the illustrious Double TT diner, the site of many a conversation hypothesizing what ethereal happenings occur during the mysterious 25th hour! No, it has nothing to do with the 2002 Spike Lee film. We (and when I say "we" I'm giving a shout to Dacky, TOKA, Surly, Bostwyck, Detective, and the Archduchess) actually had it figured out once... Due to the time shifts that occur during daylight savings time, the Sunday morning in April when clocks nationwide are set back an hour is actually 25 hours long. This means, mathematically, that the 25th hour in the eastern time zone of the United States could very well be that same day, from 11pm to midnight. We have yet to put this theory into practice and find out if unicorns spring from the wallpaper or anything like that, but since it happens once a year, we've got the rest of our lives...

***************

Stony Creek

On our last visit to PA, Cait and I stopped by my old elementary school playground. Good old Stony Creek Elementary. So many memories...

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What Is It?

Alright, here we go again. We did this once before, and no one came through with the correct answer, so here's your chance to win the Second Nothing Terribly Grandiose "What Is It?" Contest! Devotees of this site know that in this hard-fought contest of visual accuity, he or she who proves the victor can win fabulous prizes! Just as the with the first time around, the prize at stake is... drumroll please... $1. You got it. One United States dollar. One hundred cents. Guesses will be accepted until 9am, Thursday October 13, 2005. Simply contact us via EMAIL with your guess, and the FIRST correct guesser will win the $1 grand prize!

***************

Alright, you've had enough! As is typical, I've gotta end with something I turned up in the various internet wanderings I did in preparation of this edition of New Snaps. So, here's the creepiest-of-the-creepy, Joe Rogan, during the 2004 Fear Factor Playmate Edition Special. Apparently the water in which Angel Boris (Miss July, 1996, for those wondering) is about to plunge is a tad chilly. Rogan, you diabolical mastermind, you!

There's something you might not know about me, Joe Rogan...

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2005-10-10T09:50:00.000-04:00

Look, I don't want to talk about it any more than you do. But I'm keeping the tradition of the Eagles Pic Of The Week alive, for YOU, the fans.

This week's pic is practically the single moment of Eagles offense in all 60 dismal minutes. Lito Sheppard slammed Dallas RB Keyshawn Johnson, popping the ball free and into the waiting hands of Sheldon Brown, who ran it back 80 yards for the TD.

Like practically all of Philly, I'm pissed off and hung over. I'm gonna go drink tea. See you later this week, when we will speak nothing of this game.

[Photo courtesy of philadelphiaeagles.com.]

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Birthday Week '05 - Part I

2005-10-03T19:02:00.000-04:00

This was one of those rare birthdays that lasted more of a week than a day. Here's roughly how the week broke down:

Cait went the extra mile for my birthday this year, surprising me with a weekend in Philly. Circumstance and some scheduling drama tipped me off to the surprise early on, but there were hidden layers of surprise that weren't realized until later...

But I'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

This was the view from our hotel room:

Saturday morning, we slept in a bit and then made our way to the Franklin Institute. On our way in, we saw all these banners touting it as College Day. Remembering that we each still had a student ID (neither valid, but we figured they wouldn't even check), we sauntered up to the table, signed in, and got into the museum for free. We also got $5 tickets to an IMAX movie. Unfortunately, we chose to see James Cameron's Aliens of the Deep. It amounted to 56 minutes of him masturbatorily playing scientist while the whole cast marveled at the titular "aliens" that reside on the deep ocean floor. Rather than explaining what any of the creatures were or how they lived, or basically providing anything of scientific merit, everyone took turns breathily exclaiming "they're breathtaking!" and "look at that, that's amazing!" and "that's phenomenal!" I took a nap for the last half of it. Thanks for that $5 nap, James. Stick to your running cameo on Entourage.

Ben Franklin himself guards the museum entrance against those posing as students on College Day. We just barely slipped by.

This is Foucault's Pendulum, which swings perpetually back and forth knocking over a ring of free-standing pegs as an example of the earth's orbital motion.

We busied ourselves in a nerdily way with many of the exhibits:

I love all the reflections in this one:

A big reason I love visiting Philly this time of year is that EVERYONE sports Eagles gear. I snapped this one secretly, but the kid served as a harbinger for things coming later in the weekend...

While there, we saw a planetarium show explaining the constellations. Snaps in the pitch-black room were hard to come by, but I managed a few. This was an accidental one I find kinda funny:

Some circles showing planet orbits:

This one looks like the cover of a Godspeed album to me:

We busied ourselves in the gift shop before we left too. I'm surprised they were ambivalent to us taking pictures... In my experience places like that frown on cameras. But no one stopped us, so...

Yes, they make Edgar Allen Poe action figures:

Another harbinger of things to come...

This was the IMAX technician in his glass house:

After the Institute, we made our way to various sites around the city. These are perspective shots of William Penn and the fountain in Love Park:

Another requisite stop, Mitchell & Ness, the central location for throwback jerseys and memorabilia in the city. If you're looking for that 1970 Phillies team jacket for $500, this is the place to go! For you, Zack:

And here's the best concert venue in the city, as far as I'm concerned, The Khyber. It has the added relevance of being the place where Cait and I met. Awwwwww.

Later that night, on our way back from dinner, we passed through Love Park again, and these people refused to move from the front of the statue. Fine, stay there hugging. You'll get snapped and posted with no royalty payment.

Thus endeth Saturday...

***************

Sunday was our early morning. We got up and revisited the hotel pool, but didn't swim. The outdoor running track gave us an interesting view of the city:

...AND gave us a place to work some karate and dancing into the morning.

The plan for the day, again an intended surprise ruined by scheduling circumstances weeks before we left, was to head over to the Camden Aquarium to satisfy my insatiable need to spend time looking at sharks. I didn't know what I was getting myself into...

This is Philly, from the Camden waterfront:

[Click to continue to PART II or PART III.]

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Birthday Week '05 - Part II

2005-10-03T19:01:00.000-04:00

At first, we spent some time checking out penguins, seals and sea lions, and some cool-ass jellyfish.

But naturally, I was immediately focused on finding my favorite animal on the entire planet. And no, not Brian Dawkins.

Sharks, dude. Sharks.

A little-known fact: a group of sharks is called a "shiver." Thanks, Wikipedia.

The kid in the Dawkins jersey, by the way, was a harbinger* of my own purchase of one Saturday afternoon. Seemed like the thing to wear for my day at the aquarium.

[* - That also marks my third use of the word "harbinger" so far in this birthday wrap-up.]

They've got a tunnel, a la Jaws 3, where you can walk and be surrounded by sharks on all sides.

Now, seeing sharks on my birthday trip was wonderful, but there was, of course, that other surprise... As we were standing in line to get in, my eye caught a sign above the ticket window. It read "Swim With The Sharks," with a brief explanation of their newest exhibit. I couldn't register it right away, until I looked at Cait and saw her grinning HUGELY. In disbelief, I started "ohhh, get the f-" at which point she covered my mouth to protect the ears of the children near us. And then I giggled like a titmouse tickling a schoolgirl. I was going to live my dream, to be in the water with live, swimming sharks.

Now, as they explained to us in the brief safety class before our swim, they couldn't let us swim in the wide open tank with the sharks. They are, obviously, wild and untrainable animals, and we're going into THEIR habitat, wearing dark wetsuits and flippers, and would be floating on the surface. For an animal whose primary prey is dark-colored surface-dwelling mammals, that would be too tempting. Instead, they had a portion of the tank designated for us to float and watch them, but it was wide open for the sharks to enter and check us out too.

Here we are in the safety class:

In that last picture, the lifeguard on the far left is Hot Liz. In chatting with her, Cait found out her birthday was the same day as mine, albeit 6 years later. Small world. Plus she was hot. That's why we called her Hot Liz.

After the class, we took to the water.

Our class teacher, Cheri, also served as the on-deck lifeguard.

Cait was also on deck, snapping shots of us and the sharks:

As was to be expected, they came by several times to check out these aliens in their home. It took ALL my self-control to not push myself beyond our boundary and swim with them. Yes, it would have been stupid and life-threatening, but I just wanted to swim alongside them so badly. They got close enough to touch several times, but as a rule, you should never touch a shark. They're too unpredictable.

This was the instruction board for the class. Now, see there, under "safety" on the right side of the board, about halfway down where it says "Lights out/power failure"? Well, I saw that and thought, "seriously, how often do they lose power here?" Well, we'll come back to that...

After being in the tank for awhile, Hot Liz and the other lifeguard whose name eludes me led us to the stingray enclosure, where we'd take turns feeding the rays.

I was waiting for my turn, learning how to tell the difference between a doctor fish and a grunt...

...and then the lights went out.

After calmly getting us out of the tank with the help of emergency lights, we all waited on deck.

After a moment on the walkie talkie, Cheri told us the best news of the day: since it would take at least 20 minutes to regenerate enough power to light the enclosure, they were giving us each a pass to come back and do the entire encounter again, for free. Happy Birthday, Joe!

We got the souvenir t-shirt and mask/snorkel combo as well, but the best part of the gift was the encounter itself, AND the fact that I get to do it all again. Thanks, PECO!

Here's some info on Adventure Aquarium's Swim With The Sharks exhibit. I'll be going back sometime very soon to see my beloved sharks. And Hot Liz. Cait thinks she looks like Kirsten Dunst.

[Click to check out PART I or PART III.]

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Birthday Week '05 - Part III

2005-10-03T19:00:00.000-04:00

We got back to the real world Sunday night and decompressed, gearing up for the next big birthday celebration, The Bash.

Wednesday night, my actual birthday, Cait made a cake for Zack (whose birthday was Saturday) and me. It's nice to have a roommate whose birthday is three days away from yours...

And yes, we're both Cait's sons.

***************

And then Friday rolled around...

Memories are hazy at best, so photographs are the best way to recall the night. Here's a snippet of what went on...

Brandon and Russo check out the Love Closet.

That is, The OFFICIAL RON JUSSO Love Closet. Hell yeah.

The illustrious Mr. Jackson, in all his finery.

Now, the plan for this party was to keep it casual, so we established a dress code of strictly jeans, t-shirts, and funky accessories should anyone desire. Zack and I did it up the biggest because we were the hosts. We also devised a series of punishments for those who broke the dress code. First, the offending individual had to immediately do a shot. Then, he/she had to wear our party's mascot, Colby Coxx, The Monstrously Hung Reindeer, for a period of 15 minutes. Some of our victims:

Tim

Vespi

Here are the random people shots:

Russo, Lydia, Cait

Joe, Russo

Cory, Cait

Lydia, Cait

Zack, Lydia

Drew, Jesse, Jared

Cory*

Cory*

[* - Belvedere courtesy of Eric and Mary Jackson. Many, many thanks!]

Party People

Russo

Joe, John

Haze, Dr. Action

From the fire escape, I snapped this of the Action waste removal company, hard at work.

Now, at some point in the evening, when I was already well on my way to being horizontal, Zack and Cait brought me a shot. Russo was nearby with Pentax, whose shutter was stuck partially closed, hence the diagonal letterbox effect here. It seems fitting though...

To the best of my recollection, in the last photo I'm saying "No more of THAT shit!"

Amusing postscript: while I was shooting vodka, Cait and Zack were shooting Sierra Mist. It was all part of their effort to get me to pass out and take embarrassing photos of me. Such nice friends I have.

More Party People

Even More Party People

Zack and the ladies

Zack and the ladies

Cait

Cait

I did, in fact, wind up horizontal shortly after that "Let's Put Joe Under" shot, and spent the rest of the bash that way. I foiled the plan to get me to pass out on the floor, but I'm pretty sure there are some "hey, look, Joe's passed out" shots floating around out there somewhere. Anyone who's got them, or pictures of the bash in general, I'd love to see them! Send them my way at NTG_MAIL@yahoo.com.

[Click here to return to PART I or PART II.]

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2005-10-03T10:13:00.000-04:00

For the second week, I'm keeping it alive!

And the Eagles are keeping it alive too, refusing to go out without a fight in yesterday's battle of attrition against Kansas City. After a dismal first half found the Birds down by 18 points, we scored an unanswered 31 points. KC scored again at the end of the fourth, but we recovered their onside kick to run the clock out. Final: 37-31 Eagles.

That's one of the main things I love about the Eagles... they're truly a 60-minute team.

This week's pic is of Reno Mahe, #34, recovering a crucial fumble in the second half to help turn the tide of the game.

Next week, we're playing the hated Cowboys, in Dallas. That should be about as easy as a week off, plus with the added fun of stomping their asses. I hope T.O. does another celebration on the star in the endzone, like he did in Week 10 last season:

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And As We Wind On Down The Road...

2005-09-28T21:09:00.000-04:00

So here it is... My 27th birthday.

My friend Mike was kind enough to call me earlier today, and kinder enough to remind me I'm lucky to not be a rock star. 27 is the death age for rock stars. So I suppose it's a good thing neither my rock group nor my hip hop group has blown up.

YET.

I'll worry if it happens before I hit 28.

So instead of dead rock stars, I get to focus on the good aspects of my birthday, things like calls from friends and family, cake, and the super-ass party we're throwing at The House Of Ideas this weekend. Also, I get to reminisce on how this past weekend, Cait helped me to fulfill my lifelong dream of swimming with sharks. No joke. MUCH more on that, and the party, in forthcoming posts.

But for now, all this dead rock star talk had me thinking... I've been meaning to compile my Led Zeppelin Greatest Hits collection for some time now, so as a gift to myself (besides my new DAWKINS JERSEY!), I decided to do that today. Those who know me well can tell you Zeppelin is my lifelong favorite band. They're pretty much the reason I started listening to music, and so I feel like I owe my whole musical sensibility to them. I go on these Zeppelin binges... I'll wind up not listening to them much for months on end, and then some switch will flip in my brain, and I'll listen to them exclusively for days.

Clocking in at around 3 hours and 15 minutes, this list comprises my favorites, and also represents the ideal concert set in the perfect hypothetical world (of course they'd extend "Dazed And Confused" into a 30-minute psych-out jam, so it would be closer to four hours). In said perfect hypothetical world, I'd be seeing them from the 10th row of an enormous amphitheater, John Bonham would still be alive, Robert Plant would still have a voice, Sandy Denny would be there to sing "The Battle of Evermore," and this asshole wouldn't exist. Before "In The Light," Robert would kindly wish me a happy birthday.

Enjoy the list, and thanks to all family, friends, and well-wishers who have called or written to wish us here at NTG a happy 27th.

Stay Inspired...

***************

1. Immigrant Song
2. Good Times Bad Times
3. Heartbreaker
4. Living Loving Maid
5. Since I've Been Loving You
6. Ramble On
7. Out On The Tiles
8. The Ocean
9. Down By The Seaside
10. In The Evening
11. The Wanton Song
12. Over The Hills And Far Away
13. Communication Breakdown
14. Misty Mountain Hop
15. Trampled Under Foot
16. In The Light
17. The Battle Of Evermore
18. Achilles Last Stand
19. Dazed And Confused
20. Whole Lotta Love
21. Nobody's Fault But Mine
22. The Song Remains The Same
23. Sick Again [* JMP note: slot 23 has been changed to Moby Dick]
24. Houses Of The Holy
25. In My Time Of Dying
26. Babe I'm Gonna Leave You
27. What Is And What Should Never Be
28. Bring It On Home
29. The Lemon Song
30. How Many More Times
31. Four Sticks
32. Going To California
33. No Quarter
34. Stairway To Heaven
35. When The Levee Breaks

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Eagles Pic Of The Week

2005-09-27T02:16:00.000-04:00

This is an attempt at a regular weekly post here on NTG!

Let's hope this doesn't go the way of the G-Stop Graffiti Watch and the Karate Belt Status Update posts. In defense of the KBSU, I didn't realize at posting time that it would take months upon months to advance belts. So it still could technically qualify as a regular post, once I make orange and Issue 2 hits the page.

Ahhh, those were the old days of blogging... So innocent and fay...

But now onto the real shit. This real shit will last because it's the Eagles, man. If you don't get siked by that, you must not have the capacity to feel anything. You wouldn't even cry at your mother's funeral.

Each week, I will post a fantastic Eagles pic from the week. This week's (top of post) is from the instant right after hamstring-injury-stricken kicker David Akers narrowly made a game-winning 23-yard field goal, after which he collapsed in a heap on the field, smiling and laughing in agony.

That's just the thing about Akers. He's one of those athletes who just won't ever quit when it matters. Like Chase Utley*, only with a shaved head.

[READER: Uh, Akers is sitting next week, JMP...]

JMP: And he deserves it, damn it! Brava, Akers.

And just for good measure, I'm posting this one. Those of you who know me know the whole story behind it.

[* - check out this CHASE UTLEY FAN PAGE I found in my late-night internet meanderings.]

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Rollie Fingers: REDUX!

2005-09-22T17:54:00.000-04:00

Yes indeed! A mere day after expressing my anger and disillusionment with MLB.COM, they send the correct shirt. Finally. Only took them 6 weeks and four separate orders.

See? This proves my theory: Nothing Terribly Grandiose is the most powerful blog in the galaxy. MLB.COM fell to my mighty whim, and if they are not immune to my wrath, who can be?

I'm coming for you next, Republicans! None of you is safe!

[Yes, that sentence is grammatically correct. Don't argue with me.]

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NTG Backlog Catch-Up #2!

2005-09-21T13:45:00.000-04:00

The Rollie Fingers T-Shirt Saga

Flashback to August 9th, 2005...

While sitting at home bullshitting with Zack and Cait about life, baseball, Bush being a dick, and the like, we got on the topic (as is by no means uncommon) of old-skool baseball uniform color schemes. Two color schemes of which I'm a big fan are the 80's Phillies powder blue and maroon, as modeled here by the most-pimpin'-est of venerable Phillies greats, Von Hayes:

...and the San Diego Padres' brown/yellow/orange scheme, represented by the pic at the top of this post.

Well, my impulse buying instinct kicked in, so I checked out MLB.COM to see what kind of gear I could get. After searching around a bit, I settled for the San Diego Padres Hometown Legend #34 t-shirt. Rollie Fingers, man.

Now, I'm not gonna front like I'm a huge Rollie Fingers fan, but there are two reasons I went with this shirt. One, his name is ROLLIE FINGERS. I don't care who you are, but that's a cool ass name. Anyone who disagrees with that must not have a soul. It's the kind of name that sticks in your head, that makes you like the dude just because his name is what it is. It's the same principle by which Zack loves Jose Canseco. Seriously, ask him sometime: "Yo, why do you love Jose Canseco so much?" And his answer will be: "Because he's JOSE FUCKING CANSECO, man!" Same principle applies for Dolph Lundgren.

AND Rollie Fingers. Reason two, Rollie rocked the BEST handlebar mustache of any ball player. Ever. Check it:

Rollie was adamant about keeping his 'stache, against all odds. According to one source:

"Fingers turned down a chance to continue his career with the Reds in 1986, when he refused to shave his trademark handlebar mustache to comply with club owner Marge Schott's policy against facial hair. Fingers said he would shave his mustache if Schott shaved her dog."

~http://www.padresnation.com

So, my buying this shirt is a fitting tribute to Mr. Fingers, a steadfast baseballer who knew the meaning of principle.

The problem, however, is that SHOP.MLB.COM seems hell-bent on not allowing me to own this shirt. I initially ordered the shirt that night, August 9th. It arrived a number of days later, and to my dismay I found it was the wrong shirt. It was a Padres shirt, but it was a sickly shade of mustard yellow, with a white and brown circular logo on the front.

"That sucks," I thought. "But I'll send it back and it'll be fine."

Called the site and explained what happened, sent the shirt back on their dime. No problem. Then I went camping.

When I got back, my first day into work I found a package waiting for me. Tore it open, and what did I find? The SAME wrong shirt, mustard yellow with the brown and white logo. Now I was pissed.

This meant I was on my THIRD time ordering this shirt, and I told the phone rep I was none too pleased. He gave me the usual cloying response and told me they wanted to keep me as a customer, blah blah blah. So I placed order #3 with a discount. Fine.

Time passed. No shirt. After 10 days or so, I checked my delivery status online, and according to the delivery tracker, the package had been sent back to their warehouse. In the words of so many Craig's List Rants and Raves posters, WTF?!

Seriously, man, WTF?!?!

Turns out DHL just happened to conveniently forget to include the street name and building number on the address, so the package was simply addressed to "Joe Pisch, New York, NY, 10036." Thanks, DHL. Really, thanks.

Due to SHOP.MLB.COM's ass-backwards return policy, I had to YET AGAIN order this shirt. I all but cracked up when the phone rep told me this. Placed order #4.

After all that, I got the order confirmation email about two hours later. They had the right shirt listed, but the wrong size. Once again, got on the phone with an MLB.COM phone rep, and prepared to place order #5 while laughing half-maniacally and probably scaring the poor girl on the other end. She sounded kinda cute too. Sorry, "Jessica," if I scared you.

Jessica kindly informed me that they were all out of everything but extra large, which was probably why my order for a large got changed. So, thankfully, order #5 was unnecessary. I have yet to receive the shirt, but delivery is slated for this Friday, September 23rd. We'll see what actually happens. I'll keep you all posted.

In the meantime, here's a great source of info for our friend, Rollie.

But yo, for real, MLB.COM, is this any way to treat customers? I've been buying stuff online for a good number of years now, and this could rank as my single worst experience. Of course, my new-found respect for Rollie Fingers has reminded me of keeping the right principles in perspective; will the earth stop turning if I never receive this shirt? No, it won't. So I have to sit back and laugh at the absurdity of the whole ordeal. And you might think "Well, just don't ever order anything from SHOP.MLB.COM again." But it's not that simple. They also have THIS.

CURSE YOU, MLB.COM!!!

You may have won this round, but the war isn't over!

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NTG Backlog Catch-Up #1!

2005-09-20T10:33:00.000-04:00

YO!

Yo, I know what you're saying. "It's about time you catch up on that expansive backlog of posts that are looooong overdue!"

Actually, I'm saying that to myself. That and "SHUT UP!" Actually, I just said that to Suzy Kolber. That lady's annoying as hell.

Here's installment #1: a short photo essay of my trip to Ellis Island.

My story? I'm not a bum... I'm a jerk.

That aside, my mom was in town for a weekend last month, and she specifically wanted to hit Ellis Island to look up her grandparents' names on the wall. She knew they emigrated from Italy, but she didn't know in what year, on what ship, etc. So off we went to check the registry.

Enjizzz-oy the snizzz-aps!

***************

After the tiringly long odyssey (which is redundant, I suppose... is there such a thing as a short odyssey?) to get to Battery Park, we wound up on the ferry.

On the way, we passed Lady Liberty. I yelled to her, asked what she thought about that fact that Bush is a genocidal war-mongering asshole. She didn't answer.

This is the entrance to the Ellis Island Museum. Note Cait's ass in the foreground.

Hi honey!

I like the composition in this one a lot. I snapped it just before the pigeon took off. Check the smiley face, too.

Once we got in, we checked the registry for my great-grandfather, Antonio Tedesco.

On our way out to the wall to look for his name, we passed this. From the one direction it looks as such:

Then from the other direction...

We made our way outside to the name wall.

The computer kindly told us where we could find his name on the massive wall, with its hundreds of thousands of names:

After finding his name, Mom and I swore to find out more about what year he and his wife arrived, what ship, etc. [Ed. Note: we've recently found out, Antonio emigrated in 1914, and we're still tracking down distant relatives to see if they any more info.]

Here's the requisite skyline picture:

On our way back in, we passed this display... I kind of like the color scheme of the people. It's so true-to-life; all men are green, and all women are orange. Pure and simple! Also, check Mom in the upper-left corner.

From there we hit the Registry Room, which, according to this sign, processed 5,000 people a day for almost 25 years. That's a lotta-ass people. It also, not according to the sign, processed Vito Andolini, who would become Vito Corleone, who would become the Don of all Dons.

The registry room ceiling provided an outlet for my "photographing things from directly beneath" fetish:

From the Registry Room Balcony:

These semi-circular windows are at either end of the Registry Room. Here it is today:

And in 1907. Check the reflection of the ceiling, and Pentax at the bottom of the frame. I like this one a lot:

Before we left we checked out this photography exhibit. The photographer, Augustus Frederick Sherman, was a clerk at Ellis, and an amateur photographer. His photos of immigrants at Ellis in the early 1900's are some of the most well-known. It's pretty inspiring to see an amateur photographer have such an impact.

Needless to say, I love the reflection in this one.

Inscription: "Russian baby - 11 mos., 55 pounds."

I could not stop looking at this kid. His face just has so much character. According to the inscription (not shown), he's one of 8 orphans.

This was one of my favorites from the photo gallery, specifically for the inscription:

"Peter Meyer - 5'7" Denmark. 'Mauretania' Apr 30 '09.
Wealthy Dane in search of pleasure."

Yo, if I ever emigrate, that's the reason I'm giving.

"And why do you want to move to Ireland, Mr. JMP?"

"Why, in search of pleasure, of course. That, and our president is a brain-dead fool."

***************

You probably can't tell, but this post took me three days to compile and finish. See? I work hard on this thing! That Suzy Kolber joke was from a game Zack and I watched two nights ago!

I promise, I'll try to get back on some kind of real track. If only work hadn't become so... work-y.

Yes, that is now officially a word, and I own ALL rights to it. If you use it in print or speech, you must pay me.

Handsomely.

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Where The Hell Have I Been?

2005-09-17T03:13:00.000-04:00

I've been asking myself that same question, readers.

These past two weeks have been really hectic. Ever since I got back from camping, I've found myself slammed at work and unproductive at home. See, most of the writing and maintenance for NTG has been happening during the work hours. This is possible because I have not been consistently busy at work for several months, so I've mostly wiled away the hours with self-indulgent daily postings.

These past two weeks have not followed that pattern. I've been busy every day with clients from SpikeTV working on two different campaigns. If you happen to watch Spike, pay attention for spots advertising "Spike's Most Irresistible Women" and spots celebrating Latino Heritage Month. Between the two campaigns there should be about 12 spots, and I've been editing all of them.

But life hasn't been all irresistible women and Latino heritage... Life at home has been very relaxed, mainly because I'm exhausted when I come home, so I wind up vegging on the couch watching cable with Zack and Cait. This is by no means un-enjoyable, but it has been detremental to productive activities like managing this albatross that is NTG. You people demand so much of me! I'm only one man!

Of course I'm kidding, I love you all and would marry you all if you would all simply move with me to Utah.

Watching this much TV has at least kept me informed on some of today's recent issues. The three shows to which I've been most recently introduced, and what I've learned from them, are:

Real Time with Bill Maher - Bill and his guest panelists have taught me that Republicans are all a festering pile of human waste, concerned only with their own financial and social status, at the expense of the poor, the meek, the underprivileged, and all the people Jesus claims will inherit the world in his Beatitudes. The leader of this throng of heartless, soulless fuckers is the King Of All Fuckers himself, George W. Bush, whose goal in life seems to be to meander about the planet systematically fucking up life for everyone but him and remaining blissfully ignorrant to the fact that he represents everything that is wrong with this country, the Church, and humankind in general. Not to turn this into a Fuck Bush post, but... um... yeah, FUCK BUSH. To paraphrase a quote by Eminem: "Fuck [Bush] with the free-est of speech this Divided States of Embarrassment will allow me to have." I think Bush should be strapped to a chair and slapped in the face every ten seconds by a never-ending procession of Iraqi citizens and residents of the Gulf Coast. I'm with you, Kanye.

And YES, I'll have you know, Kanye does read this blog. I'm actually rather good friends with Kanye. I laid down the bassline on "Get 'Em High."

Entourage - The (mis)adventures of Vinnie, E, Drama, and Turtle have taught me that if I become an actor, I'll be able to spend my mid-twenties in carefree perpetual adolescence, frequenting high-class brothels, smoking copious amounts of ganja, sleeping until whenever I want, working on feature films with James Cameron, casually dating Mandy Moore, and having sex with any woman who looks at me twice.

Mandy Moore's kinda hot. I guess.

Punk'd - Seeing celebrities humiliated can be really hilarious.

That's... ummm... what I... learned.

???

Here's a picture I took recently...

I call it Poz At Work.

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The Best Food In The World...

2005-09-06T12:31:00.000-04:00

...is cooked on sticks.

I'm convinced of that now after my first ever camping trip. Of course, as promised, there are extensive snaps. Here's a not-so-brief rundown of the adventure in the woods:

***************

The first night of camping was at Dolly Copp campground in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. To get there, we passed through three states in which I had never been before: Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire (or as I like to call it, "New CAMPshire") itself.

Fischer managing the fire at Dolly Copp.

Remember that "food on sticks" thing? Yeah, from the title of this very post. I can't tell you how many hot dogs on sticks we ate. They were nothing short of delicious.

Ben busted out the classic Jiffy Pop, too.

The signature beverage of the trip: luke warm cans of Bud. It's funny how tasty things like that become when the only other option is boiled pond water!

Fischer, in mid-fireside-introspection.

Ben dubbed this picture "roughing it." Yeah, s'mores, Bud and food cooked in tinfoil is how the cavemen used to survive.

This was our "ceiling" at Dolly Copp.

The first (of many) camping lessons I learned was how to light a fire. The second was how to tie up the "bear bag" and hang it from a tree.

The second day we arrived at Baxter State Park in Maine.

Camping is something I wasn't sure I'd love, but didn't expect to love that much. It totally feeds my "separation from everything" anxiety, which fuels my need to get away from New York, away from the job, the chaos, from EVERYTHING, good & bad. To be able to be truly distant, just think & relax.

But this trip wasn't all Budweiser and relaxing. The first full day at Baxter, we did a 10.7 mile hike. We started at 8:52AM. Fischer and I finished around 7 that night, Ben and Aimee came in shortly after.

This was just the beginning. Don't they look happy and energetic?

Fischer, overlooking our two ponds. The one further in the distance is where our campsites were.

Aimee, Ben, and Fischer take a break on the way up the first peak.

This was the look on my face after about two hours, when Ben laughed and said "welcome to the brutally un-fun world of hiking."

Parts of the hike were EXACTLY what I have the urge to do in the city: climb around on rocks! There were giant fields of rocks and boulders of all sizes along the hike trail, walls of rock that we had to scramble & run over, following the tiny little blue paint marks that kept us on the trail. Other parts were dense forests with a small path through it, with sticks and leaves slapping your legs (if you choose to wear shorts like I did you feel them a lot more). Sometimes you're running over bare dirt, sloped at an angle that causes you to slip on little mini-landslides, and at other spots there are fields and patches of delicious blueberries. You can pick them and eat them right off the bushes. Of course none of us expected the hike to be as brutal as it was, and none of us packed enough water. Some parts of the trail, especially at the beginning, were gruelling in their simplicity, but after a few hours my body practically went on auto-pilot. Sometimes it was actually easier to jog than to slow down... it's the loss of momentum that can kill you.

But the reward for all the hiking and exhaustion is breathtaking views of nothing but silence as far as the eye can see. Mountain ranges of Maine, the sky, the sparse clouds, trees, rivers & lakes, the home of hundreds of thousands of animals and plants, the rest of life that I forget about at home. We're visiting their collective home. It's beautiful and tranquil, so silent that a scraping leaf sounds thunderous.

Ben, after we reached our first peak, the Peak of the Ridges, elevation 3225 feet.

Yours truly, at the peak.

The four of us at the peak.

Our "guides" along the way.

Fischer, after scaling one of the precarious rock walls.

Note my shoe at the bottom of this snap. I was hoping to give some semblance of the angle of this rock hill.

This was another peak, the Traveler, Maine's highest volcanic mountain.

After the hike while we cooked dinner, this little guy decided to come say hi.

Ben, morning after the hike.

My/Fischer's tent, outside...

...and inside.

Here's some natives of South Branch Pond:

Every night we sat around the fire, cooked dinner, drank Budweisers, told stories. We ate a lot of hot dogs, corn on the cob, potatoes. The night of the hike we made rice & beans & beef stew. I've realized that the principle of relativity constantly comes into play when camping: relative clean-ness, for example. When you fill a small plastic cup with boiled pond water, and there are little pieces of dirt and sticks and shit floating in it, you look at it and think "meh... clean enough," and you slug it down and it's delicious. Same goes for the food: when you've been hiking for 10 hours, rice & beans & beef stew in a little aluminum bowl is like ambrosia. Most meals we'd stand around shoveling food in our mouths, so hungry that the eating itself only takes two or three minutes.

We also canoed all the time at Baxter. Both of our campsites were on the edge of South Branch Pond, and it's either a short hike from the ranger's station, or a short canoe. More often than not, we'd canoe. One afternoon Ben and Fischer and I canoed over to the adjacent pond, connected to ours via a rocky stream. I had no sandals or aquasocks or anything, and walking across the jagged rocks was nothing terribly enjoyable. To get myself across, I wound up having to "Samurai Jack" myself to get the mental strength to do it. It was painful, especially considering the almost-11 miles of hiking the day before. At one point, I stopped walking and told myself out loud, "Be Zen. Just walk." Once I told myself that, my posture straightened, my feet got stronger, and I just walked. I made it much faster and more gracefully, until Ben was able to float his sandals downstream to me. From that point we could canoe, and we made our way through the other pond to a rock jump that some kindly Maine hippies tipped us off to. We jumped a couple times from about 25 feet, jumping OUT to avoid the rocks on the way down. My second jump took about 30 minutes, just sitting on the edge of the rocks. I sat and thought about everything and nothing, and when my body and mind agreed it was a good idea and they were ready, I slowly pushed myself off the edge. It was really hard. I don't exactly know why. The next day, Aimee and Ben and I went back. I didn't jump.

Ben, overlooking the jump.

These were taken with my repeat-shot feature:

The last two nights at Baxter we stayed in a lean-to. It was different than being in the tent, namely because the entire front wall is open to the world. It made it a bit more communal though. We spent much of the last day in various states of exhaustion, sitting around playing Yahtzee and card games.

Our lean-to.

Lunch: sardines. I refrained. Check out the sunburn on Aimee's arm, a testament to the fact that she should have used my SPF 45 Panama Jack.

Needless to say, the fire was always a worthy snap subject:

Fischer and I. Check the beard growth! I came home looking like Grizzly Adams.

Our source of light, other than flashlights.

This was my waking view from the lean-to.

This was the other one.

One afternoon while we relaxed and ate, this enormous bug paid us a visit. I don't know exactly what he was, but he was bigger than any roach I've ever seen in New York. He was friendly though, just checking us out. He was also kind enough to pose while Fischer & I snapped him. Afterward, Ben picked him up and dropped him back in the forest.

I passed all kinds of little personal tests on this trip: the rocky stream, the jump, the hikes, even sleeping outside was new to me. Learning to start a good fire, live in the woods, set up a tent, use those valuable canoeing skills I got in college. Seriously, it was a gym elective, and I learned to canoe in the campus pool and the Yellow Breeches Creek behind Messiah College. I was officially a certified canoeist, and I still proved myself to still be somewhere between competent and good, both solo and tandem.

Fischer and I went out on a photo expedition one morning.

This is one of mine.

This is one of his.

The morning of our last full Baxter day, I went out for a little solo hike. Ben told me of a short hike to some waterfalls he and Aimee had done last year, so I set out to find them.

Find them, I did not. BUT, I did find this narrow river of cascades, about 30 feet below the hiking trail beneath a rock wall. Again, my climbing urge took over and I scaled down the wall to dunk my head in the stream. I expected the water to be ice cold, but it was actually perfectly swimmable, and had it been deep enough I would have gone in. It was nice to go on a short hike alone.

The cascades from above.

Yours truly before scaling down the rock wall.

Easily the biggest caterpillar I've ever seen, inching along the road on the way back.

For the whole trip, I was sore all over, my arms and back from canoeing, and everything else from the hikes. Sleep was so deep out there. Everything shuts up and just lives. The fire slowly dies & the burning embers tell stories. I saw entire worlds form and die in seconds in those embers. When darkness falls completely, the stars are out in the thousands. I wish I knew the constellations better, because there's a whole soap opera going on up there. The stories of hundreds of lives are painted there for us if we can only decipher them.

As a final send-off to the vacation, on our final night we enjoyed some fine cigars Fischer brought back from his recent trip to the Dominican Republic.

I got to see so much of the rest of life that I forget in my day-to-day. I needed to slow things down & escape. I know my sanity is at risk if every now and then I don't get away from EVERYTHING around me. Plus, I had been meaning to find legitimate uses for my Swiss Army Knife. Using it around the apartment doesn't count!

I think what I'm getting at with all this is, I'm doing really well. As long as I can take small moments to just turn everything else off, I can relax & restore. It's like karate class: 90 minutes to relax and focus, but also physically exhaust myself. This whole trip was like an 8-day karate class. I got to infuse total chill-ness with gruelling physical activity. Although camping is a bit less violent.

And I still came home exhausted, but restored.

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That's the rundown, thanks for sticking with me! As usual, these snaps are my faves from what I took (which crested 250 pictures). Look for some of them in the 2005 Favorites, coming in February!

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It's The Return!

2005-09-01T12:55:00.000-04:00

My people!

It's great to be back here at NTG, you were all sorely missed. As I mentioned before the hiatus, two weekends ago was MomVisit 2005, which was followed by a 6-day camping/hiking trip to Maine. I've got LOTS of snaps to share, but they'll take awhile to catalog and organize, so look for some self-indulgently expansive posts this weekend.

But life went on while we were gone, and here's two little nuggets for your Thursday:

Nugget #1 - shortly before I left, Ben introduced me to R. Kelly's latest video endeavor (no, not that one). I'm talking, of course, about his five part epic "Trapped In The Closet." The five chapters of the song are on Kells' new record, TP3 Reloaded, some copies of which come with a DVD featuring this video. I can't even begin to do it justice, but his commitment to absurdist literalism is entirely without irony. I don't know if I can call it "brilliant," but shortly after seeing it, I declared it "the greatest thing I've ever seen, ever." I promptly amended the statement by adding "in the past two weeks."

If you haven't seen it, drop whatever you're doing and watch all five chapters:

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5

Be advised, it'll take about 20 minutes to watch the whole thing, but it's extremely worth it!

Nugget #2 - In the car on our maiden voyage back to civilization, we heard a brief radio blurb about a human cannonball artist named David Smith Sr., whose latest stunt was becoming the first person to fly from a cannon across the U.S./Mexico border. Why on earth would anyone want to do this? Well, why on earth would anyone allow THIS JACKASS to run an entire planet? The point is, some things just don't make sense. Maybe David Smith Sr. wanted to soar across the border because nobody had done it before. Of course, for this to be part of our collective re-introduction to modern life after a week of foraging for sticks and drinking boiled pond water was a little surreal. Read more about the record-setting feat HERE.

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So it's great to be back! Keep your eyes open for more snaps than you could ever care to see within the next couple days. In the meantime, beware of a woman you meet at the club who says her name is Mary. Chances are good she's actually named Kathy and is married to a pastor.

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New Snaps 08.19.05: Special Guest Photographer!

2005-08-19T18:15:00.000-04:00

HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Friday, work is slow as hell and I'm the only one here. It's pouring outside and I'm eating lunch (salmon, brown rice & spinach, for those curious). I'm also listening to SubArachnoid Space's album Also Rising.

All these coinciding circumstances can mean only one thing, my faithful readers... It's time for some New Snaps!

See, that's the part of the post where there would be a New Snaps intro jingle, if that was possible. It would play right after the reader's eyes passed over those words. Someone should devise a way to do that. One of you guys out there, make that happen and have it to me by Monday.

But FIRST, check these out! We've got a special guest photographer this week, a talented young lady from Connecticut named Cait. Uhhh, I don't think I've ever mentioned her... before...... [cough]. In addition to being a great photographer, she's also a gifted dancer. Here she is in one of her dancer-ly poses:

See?! See how dancer-ly? She's so damn dancer-ly! There's even more dancer-ly poses below... She recently passed a disc of various snaps our way, and said to pick some of the best. So that's just what I did. Check'it! They's so some of the best, they's don't even need captions!

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That's a wrap for these New Snaps (whomever's writing that jingle for me, notice that line rhymed... feel free to use that in an outro jingle). The NTG offices will be on a brief hiatus until early September while I take care of some various things. On tap for the next few weeks: MomVisit '05! Pictures are imminent!... followed by a 6-day camping trip to Maine. Pictures are even more imminent! It'll be an eventful, relaxing, and enlightening break from the world of video editing and blogging, and frankly, I need it. You people demand so much!!!!!

I'm just kidding... You guys rule! As the song says, see you in September...

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On The Beach...

2005-08-15T23:50:00.000-04:00

Long Beach Island, New Jersey.

I've been going to this beach since I can remember going to beaches. This is the place where my father caught a three-foot sand shark on his first fishing trip EVER. I was about 7, and the event started me on the path to a lifelong infatuation with sharks. It's also the beach where I got lost as a child, taking refuge with a nice woman who was kind enough to share her Kool-Aid with me until my parents found me. That was when I was about 5.

My grandparents had bought their house on the island around that time, and my Mom has inherited it now. With life being the way it is, I'm lucky if I can make it there for a weekend or two during the summer. This weekend was that lucky weekend.

I spent so much time this weekend on the beach at E. 33rd Street. Besides spending the days swimming, jumping waves, and walking around putting Pentax to good use, I also walked back to the beach both nights around midnight. I sat on a bench, listening to nothing but the wind, the waves, and my thoughts. I also, for the sake of literalism, walked around one evening listening to Neil Young's 1974 album "On The
Beach." Here's some snaps from the weekend...

Think I'll get outta town...

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On The Beach

The world is turning, I hope it don't turn away
The world is turning, I hope it don't turn away
All my pictures are falling from the wall where I placed them yesterday
The world is turning, I hope it don't turn away

I need a crowd of people, but I can't face them day to day
I need a crowd of people, but I can't face them day to day
Though my problems are meaningless, that don't make them go away
I need a crowd of people, but I can't face them day to day

I went to the radio interview, but I ended alone at the microphone
I went to the radio interview, but I ended alone at the microphone
Now I'm living out here on the beach, but those seagulls are still out of reach
I went to the radio interview, but I ended alone at the microphone

Get outta town, think I'll get outta town
Get outta town, think I'll get outta town
Head for the sticks with my bus and friends, I follow the road, no I don't know where it ends
Get outta town, think I'll get outta town

'Cause the world is turning, I don't wanna see it turn away...

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Top 5 Nemesis Foods List

2005-08-12T10:59:00.000-04:00

Everyone must have an enemy...

I alluded to this post in the most recent New Snaps. Here's the explanation behind my hatred of the following foods:

1) BANANAS

This abomination of nature is, and will always be, Hated Food Number 1. There's a story behind this...

In sixth grade, we were preparing for Field Day. You remember Field Day, right? It's that day near the end of the school year when the whole school goes outside and competes in events like the Tug of War, the Egg Toss, and various races and obstacle courses. Awhile before Field Day, a sign-up list was posted in the classrooms with the different events. They were all represented simply: "Relay." "Tug of War." "50 Yard Dash." And on and on... I signed up for the relay, since I could run well but not exceptionally.

When Field Day arrived and we all piled outside into the 95 degree early June sunlight, the teachers let us all know that many events had some kind of goofy twist. I guess they figured, "the kids are 12 and won't be satisfied with the events as they are, so we need to make them wacky in some way." Thanks, teachers... thanks.

The twist of the relay I was running was, there was no baton. Runners would carry and pass a peeled banana instead.

No, really, teachers... thanks.

Being the third runner, I should have expected that the by the time it reached me, the banana would be nothing more than a slimy pile of yellow-brown mush. It was warm, yet clammy, and some of the gross liquid trickled through my fingers as I ran my distance around the track, holding the mush at extreme arm's length. The smell was absolutely nauseating. When I reached my team's anchor, I wiped what was left of the mush onto her hand, ran off the side of the track, and barfed in front of the entire class.

My friend Nimit accompanied me to the nurse's office, and I went home and slept the rest of the day. I didn't like bananas anyway, but that day solidified them as perpetual Number 1 on The List. To this day, the smell of banana nauseates me. Even the word pisses me off sometimes.

2) RAISINS

No dramatic tale of adolescent woe suporting this one... I just hate the texture and taste of raisins. It's odd, because I love grapes. But raisins make my blood boil. I also love oatmeal cookies, but raisins are a product of Lucifer himself.

3) PICKLES

The absolute worst thing about pickles is when restaurants assume it's universally cool to put them on your plate. It's especially bad in the case of a burger and fries...the pickle juice soaks everything it touches, and the smell and taste just infect the whole meal.

4) COCONUT

This one comes down to texture rather than taste... I love coconut milk, especially in Thai food. Hell, I even cook my own Thai food with coconut milk! (And yes, all you haters, I am actually a damn good cook... I make a mean four-star-spicy red curry. Test me. You'll lose.) But the texture of fresh coconut grosses me out. That slow, wet tearing feeling that you can almost hear... ugh. Hate it.

5) MUSTARD

All colors, styles, levels of spiciness... This spot is more of a fluctuating one, mustard is just currently occupying it. Mustard's predecessor in spot #5 was barbecue sauce. Yes, I hate barbecue sauce. Mustard edged it out recently though...

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So that's The List. I am a happy man so long as I steer clear of these five offensive foodstuffs.

Another word on bananas... While the Field Day thing cemented it, I think it is an inherited trait that I hate them.

My father was an immigrant, born in Yugoslavia and raised in Austria. According to a story my mom tells, when my dad and his family were emigrating in 1952, there was nothing to eat on the boat except bananas. This meager diet, combined with the rough Atlantic waves, made my 13-year-old dad violently sick for the entire trip. The only day he wasn't sick was the day they arrived, the day he saw the Statue of Liberty for the first time.

From that day on, he never ate another banana. I like to think I'm continuing in his footsteps...

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New Snaps 8.11.05

2005-08-11T01:10:00.000-04:00

Have you felt neglected?

Even if you haven't, I feel kind of like I haven't been paying as much attention to m'blog as much as in recent weeks (despite the recent flurry of activity in the past day or so). I suppose things have been busier than usual... Then again things around here are always busy. Life's like that. Sunrise, sunset. And they had no bananas.

Speaking of bananas, I feel like I've been telling a lot of people about my official Top 5 Nemesis Foods List lately. And number one (with a BULLET!!! p-kew!!!) on that list is... you guessed it...

1) BANANAS
2) RAISINS
3) PICKLES
4) COCONUT
5) MUSTARD

There is some degree of story/explanation behind each of these... but that's a post all to itself. We're not here to talk about everything I despise from bananas to mustard! We're here to talk about New Snaps! Get your hand out of that mustard jar, fatty!

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My trip home to Pennsylvania yielded quite a few snaps. I find that a lot when I'm home, I like to just walk around my neighborhood and see what grabs me. Photographically speaking, that is.

This Is A Dandelion. For The Ladies.

Not really much to say on this one. It's a dandelion. For the ladies.

The Face On The Stone

I don't know what it is... maybe it's just the way my psyche works, but I feel like I pick out faces within everyday images. I snapped this because I thought the arrangement of the stepping stones looked cool. It wasn't until after uploading the picture that I noticed the little face pattern on the second stone. It's obviously nothing more than little bits of grass, but to me it looks like a face. Maybe I'm just losing my mind.

Maybe I'll do a post someday of a collection of these "face" images...

Maybe I should shut up and get on with the snaps...

Colin, Taking After His Uncle

Not only is this kid inquisitive, he's strong too. He got a hold of Pentax's lariat and yanked, almost pulling it out of my hand. It's nice to see him grabbing for a camera though... Never too young to start...

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My Psyched-Out CD Art

A number of times lately, my co-worker Jared has called upon my artistic skills (?) on CDs he burns for friends. This is a recent one, a copy of the Zombies' 1965 album "Begin Here." I think it's an improvement over their original cover art.

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Dinner In Little Italy

There's something just plain great about sitting outside on a summer night gorging oneself on Italian food. This time around we packed about 15 people, most of whom I didn't know, around a long table outside Benito 1 in Little Italy.

Painting With Light, #1 and #2

In between bites of my fettucine bolognese, I made use of the Little Italy decor for some of my favorite kind of shot, painting with light. Yet another series I should do someday...

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Untitled

This one just kind of is what it is...

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Jackson. ZACK Jackson.

While relaxing over some beverages one evening, Zack donned my sunglasses, and of course made them look cooler than I ever could. And to think I picked them up for five bucks off a table on 116th Street. You can keep your $390 Dolce & Gibanas. We reppin' East Harlem, son!

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Cait And Joe, Fangoriously Devouring Each Other

Friends and acquaintances have been asking (nay, clamoring) to see a picture of this new mystery lady in my life. So here we are. Devouring each other. Fangoriously. Man, my teeth look really weird. Is that really what my teeth look like? That's terrifying... seriously, stare at my teeth for 60 seconds, and tell me they don't look terrifying. I defy you!

I also defy you to keep an eye out for some of Cait's photographic handywork in our next edition of New Snaps!

[And immense thanks and respect go out to Mr. Jackson for his photography skills on this one. He captured the fangorious devouring in all its terror.]

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That's a wrap for this time around... Thanks for sticking it out. EXTRA-special thanks go out to our regular readers (all four of them), those kind souls who've lately been informing me that they check the site on a daily basis. That makes me happy, thinking I can give at least a small handful of people a little bit of enjoyment. I do what I can.

Speaking of which, I seem to now have a number of these "theoretical" posts to work on... But first things first... I'm going to bed.

JMP OUT

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New NTG Email Address!

2005-08-10T17:30:00.000-04:00

Hi all...

We're happy to announce a newly established NTG email account:

NTG_MAIL@yahoo.com

This email will be full service and devoted entirely to the workings of Nothing Terribly Grandiose. Please feel free to email anytime with questions, comments, suggestions, salutations, or anything else. Also, please continue to freely use the comments feature on the individual posts.

Of course, Yahoo can't grant you an email account without patronizing you just a little bit...

Hooray? I signed up for an email account, Yahoo... I didn't say my first word or anything. I'm surprised they didn't have a little animated gif of a cartoon puppy clapping jubilantly...

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And The Winner...

2005-08-09T21:49:00.000-04:00

...of the Award for the Most Vaguely Unsettling Image I've Seen Today goes to...

NEWSWEEK!

Something about this just seems... wrong...

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G Stop Graffiti Watch #2

2005-08-09T17:30:00.000-04:00

It has been much longer than I intended since G Stop Graffiti Watch #1...

But things have been busy. Ben and I haven't made it back to the practice space except for once, and that was a number of days ago, so the recon from that night could be obsolete anyway. NEVERTHELESS, we press on in our examination of the graffiti lacing (and NOT lacing) the Greenpoint Avenue G Stop! We shall not rest until... ah shit, we'll probably rest sometime. In the meantime, here's what we found:

Of the three nearly adjacent ads that were BEGGING for the phallic graffiti we all know and love, none of them had been defaced in that fashion. The Wedding Crashers ad was been hit the worst overall:

Of the numerous phrases etched in red marker, this was my favorite:

He sure was, Owen. And yet, Vince Vaughn's crotch remains unenhanced by the minds of our graffiti artists!

The ad with the most phallic-graffiti potential, for Comedy Central's obvious Chappelle-substitute "The Mind of Mencia," was hit only once:

...while these two prime spots remain untouched:

Come on! A single pair of devil horns without so much as a scratch anywhere else?! Our juvenile masters of the Sharpie are slipping. Now, I hear what you're saying... and no, I will not engage in subway graffiti myself! I am merely here to encourage, observe and comment.

The third of the three initial potentials, MSN's Beyonce ad, had been flat-out replaced:

It's at least nice to see it got a little bit of graffiti attention, but nothing with any point... just meaningless pen scratches. How sad.

Disappointed by the lack of activity on the original three ads, we ventured elsewhere in the station. Our man Psych was obviously there at some point recently, as he (although technically it could have been anyone, but we like to believe it was Psych himself) was engaged in a war of words with an anonymous (and grammar-challenged) heckler:

Always courteous, that Psych. Kill them with kindness, man. That's how you'll win.

The most interesting (or at least mind-boggling) entry of recent note graced an MTA public service announcement:

Ben and I pondered it while waiting for our train to whisk us away, until next time... at the G Stop...

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The Ol' Double B

2005-08-05T10:45:00.000-04:00

At least once every two months or so, I head back to my hometown of Blue Bell, Pennsylvania. The trips are generally the same in tone and activity: I spend time with my Mom... I visit my sister and her husband and their son Colin... I'll sometimes see my aunt, uncle and cousins... I spend time with friends who are still local to the area... I do laundry for free... I eat good homemade food... I sleep well (although it's too quiet there, and I usually have to sleep with music on... I'm so used to that ambient layer of noise endemic to sleeping three stories above a busy Harlem street)... and I'm usually reminded in some way that I don't really live there anymore.

This trip home was not much different as to activity... but the tone of this weekend felt specifically more nostalgic. I couldn't pinpoint a reason for it, but the whole weekend, I felt like I operated under an invisible cloud of wistfulness. I specifically felt it when I woke up Saturday morning.

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I was on the way out the door to meet Nowell at our longtime breakfast haunt, Rich's Other Place (his "first" place is Rich's Deli, about two miles down the road). Remembering that I had brought home no CDs, I rummaged through a closet upstairs and found a storehouse of my old tapes, a throwback to a time when my car had only a cassette player and Ben would dub various CDs to tape for me. One of the cases that caught my eye this morning was emblazoned with four letters: GYBE. I snatched it up, said bye to Mom, and ran out the door to her waiting station wagon (my only direct means of conveyance in PA).

The tape was the album Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven by Godspeed You Black Emperor (I forego the inclusion of the exclamation point in their name... even they don't know where it belongs). As I drove through my neighborhood toward the familiar Route 202, the music welled up and filled my head with memories of almost every facet of growing up in this area. I couldn't contain them all... I began speaking out loud to myself, as if I were telling a stranger in the passenger seat the stories that were flooding me... "Chris lived down that road for awhile..." "That's where I waited for the bus in elementary school..." "This was always a good 'jump hill' while driving..." I rolled the windows down and kept telling myself little mini-stories about how "that's where [high school girlfriend] and I would park together..."

Nowell and his girlfriend Sadie met me at Rich's, and we shared stories of how our lives had been going over the best breakfast money can buy. I had Sally's Special: two eggs (scrambled, as always), bacon, two pancakes, wheat toast with butter and jelly, decaf coffee and a comically large plastic cup of ice cold water. The three of us talked and laughed, reminiscing on the role this restaurant played in some of our high school TV lab movies. [For those in the know: the Budget Productions DVD is slated to be finished and released sometime before we all turn 50 years old. Please be patient. It will build the anticipation for what is destined to be the greatest DVD ever compiled. At least, to me.] A sort of scary revelation over breakfast was that our server was [high school girlfriend]'s youngest sister, who was about 8 when [high school girlfriend] and I dated.

After breakfast, the rose-tinted day continued with a visit to my lifelong barber, Alex. Alex has been cutting my hair since I had any hair to cut. He used to operate his shop with a man named Nick Tino, whose name was on the door. After Nick decided to retire, another barber named Dave filled the chair, and he recently purchased the shop from Nick and moved it to a new location two doors down Ambler's main drag, Butler Pike. The name and the location of the shop are different, but Alex is still Alex... I barely have to say a word to him about how I want my hair cut. He just knows. He's the best in the business.

On the way back to Mom's house, Godspeed played on. While rounding the bend along Jolly Road, I approached the spot where grill smoke blows across the street. There's a place called Mermaid which hosts family and corporate barbecues, and the fence borders the street. All through the summer, the smell of grilling hot dogs and hamburgers billows over the fence and into the open windows of passing cars. I rolled the windows down, slowed to about 10mph, and breathed in the smell that will always remind me of summer in Blue Bell. Then I drove around the block, turned the radio up and did it again.

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I've lived in New York for over two years now, and I really do consider it home. I have a well-established life here that I appreciate every moment I'm alive. But there's something different about calling a place "home" and calling a place a "hometown." I know that I'd be uncomfortable living in Blue Bell at this stage of my life... it just doesn't offer the opportunities for me to do the things that fulfill me at age 26. But occasionally, it's nice to reconnect with the place that I called home for the first 24 years of my existence. Cosmetically, some aspects of the place are different every time I visit... but the feeling of being in my hometown will never, ever change.

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